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Resolution checklist time!

I kept uttering "2016... goddamn, what a fucking horrible sound... 2016," last night. I actually knocked out HARD last night from 7pm until 11:57pm, when my neighbor set off a massive fireworks display (the dude makes bank with his business, spends his dough throwing parties). My internal clock is FUCKED.

Anyway, my resolutions.
Let me start with what I wrote last year:

I guess I'll go ahead and do some resolutions.
1. DROP THE FUCKING COOKIES, ANoMALIE! I will go back to my strict "clean" eating (I fucking hate that term). I won't be as much of a nazi about it, though. Slap me if I ever try lecturing you on the "evils" of certain foods. You like sugar/salt/tasty shit and you're happy with your image? Well, shit, that's all that matters (well, as long as you're not acquiring diabetes or any of those health problems). And please, for the love of my sanity, don't try bullying me into eating after I tell you No. Bad things happen when people don't respect my "No."
2. I WILL NOT BE A CUNT! This is what? My 20th year saying this?
3. I will take time-outs. I won't try and act like everything is OK, and allow bad shit to accumulate, only for me to have major melt-downs like I tend to do. If something bothers me or upsets me, I won't subject myself to "roughing it." To "power through." I'll straight call a time-out and just... leave. Chill time... I'll have chill time.
4. DON'T TALK SHIT. Walk away, Holmes, walk away.
5. Don't let trolls get the best of me. I learned there are a good few people in my life who actively seek to rile me up. Why they enjoy this is beyond me... makes me sad FOR THEM... because there are much more interesting things out there to do besides upsetting me... but to each their own. I'll do my best not to give them any satisfaction.
6. My most ambitious move EVER: I'll sell one of my works. I don't know what... but it'll be ANYTHING, for WHATEVER price... just not free. I've sold two photographs in the past, but everything else I've given away for free. I won't specify whether it'll be a short story, or a painting, or a photograph... just anything my two hands have created.

I also wrote how I was going to neglect anything having to deal with relationship goals, because it's a non-existent point in my life... at least I was right about something for once.
Anyway, let's check how faithful I was to my goals. Ha.
1. HAHAHAHA. No. Hell nah, son. Know what I did each time I went on vacation? I ate motherfucking cookies, chocolate, pasta... every fucking little thing I WANTED. Although... this year ice cream was noticeably missing from my life. That was strange, since ice cream is fucking life, but... I just didn't crave it in 2015. I also didn't gorge on food... I didn't really give a shit for food, is all.
2.  I win! I was not a cunt. Well, once or twice I showed my sharp teeth... but it was fucking warranted. I DID NOT act like a cunt to people out of the blue. I hadn't been so mellow in years... probably because I genuinely quit giving a fuck. Shit happens when you die on the inside... like you chill the fuck out.
3. Not sure how to count this... because I did keep things to myself, and I did have MASSIVE emotional explosions (I had my worst case on December 10th, where I even lost my voice for a day from how incredibly loud I got. It was fucking terrible). However, I had A TON of chill time. Call this a half-half? Null point?
4. I do not think I did much shit talking. I didn't do much talking, PERIOD. I'll consider this a win, because I can count on one hand the number of people I shit talked. Only one was undeserving.
5. Again, this is a toughie. I was enraged a couple of times in 2015, especially that one time I found one of my paintings vandalized. I should have been cooler about the situation, but seeing something so personal to me physically ripped hurt me... and made me flip out. I did let that kid get under my skin. But I was a lot better at not getting neurotic about the assholes who purposely ignore me on social media... SO, I'm calling this a win.
6. Ding Ding Ding! I win! I sold a painting! I didn't sell for the conventional cash money, but something more important: chocolate. Hahahaha. Whatever, I'll take it. It fucking counts.

Look at me, I win. Ha! The beauty of low expectations.
Something that also happened in 2015 is that I once again visited a new city/country that year. I hit up Prague in the summer and that was by far one of the best decisions ever taken, I even made a new friend there. Totally unexpected, and not something I had ever thought of doing, but there I was... suddenly on a plane, en route to a country where I don't even know how to say "hello," hitting up a pole dancing competition... drinking pilsner all day, every day.
Spontaneity. I like that shit. I'm doing it 2016.
Be spontaneous.
I will not be mean.
That's all.

2016... I no longer know what to say, or wish, or think.
Whatever happens, happens. I'm just winging it.

2015? That shit a typo?

I cringe now that I have to check in with my resolutions from last year.
I think I kept it short... but let's see.

1. Smile more often. I look like a homicidal psychopath when I'm not smiling.
2. Good vibes. Avoid negativity... especially when I am the one emitting that shit. It's not cool.
3. Muscle. I will build some nice muscle and quit being so lax on the diet. I'm old, I need to watch myself.
4. Learn to take a compliment... and more importantly, believe it when someone compliments me.
5. Make an effort to take care of my physical appearance.... there's nothing wrong with being a girly-girl. It's about time I gave a shit about facials and all that shit.

Now to dissect each one.
1. Nope. Still looking like the good ol' homicidal psychopath. I think I may have frowned more this year than previous years. Prior to Athens, I actually had some horrible scowl-lines by my mouth. Athens seriously has some rejuvenating powers, because my skin did some backwards aging out there... acne included. Ha! But seriously, my forehead looks fucking good, and I was over here thinking about Botox... pfft!
Anyway, I failed this one... especially since I can count how many times I smiled January-August using only the fingers on one hand.
Fuck.

2. Goddamn it... failed this one as well. While I wasn't really "absorbing" the negative vibes of others (uh... no, actually, I was... since I was able to feel SO MUCH rage from the actions of others... like the whole July babyshower fiasco etc), I was DEFINITELY in a negative space. I was mean. I angrily glared at people who got too close to me at the gym... ugh... I was odious.
FUCK!

3. OH GOD! NO! FUCKING THIRD ONE IN A ROW! Failure again. Jesus. My arms got buff as fuck... as did my back. I have traps that even men would envy. Everywhere else? BAHAHAHA! NO! No, wait, my abs were pretty badass around February/March. I actually had a sweet four-pack going on. My quads were behaving themselves around the start of the year as well... but uh... all bets were off around September. I INDULGED like a biiiitch. It also didn't help that I acquired a nasty, bothersome injury so early in the year. You really take your metatarsals for granted until you fuck one up and find yourself hobbling all over the place. By December, I let my sweet tooth rule my world. Rome? I ate. Barcelona? I ate. Paris? I ATE. Athens? I was a motherfucking GLUTTON. Athens does this cool thing, where they give you free drinks at the start of your meal, free dessertS (yes, MULTIPLE DESSERTS! Is it obvious why I fucking love the place now?), and then they also give you a dessert shot of liquor. I mean... FUCK! I ate my motherfucking heart out. DEEP-FRIED FETA CHEESE DRIZZLED WITH HONEY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JESUS! Ok, sorry, this subject is just so thrilling for me.
Anyway, yeah, failed with this one.
Blah.

4. Hey! I got this one! I'm actually pretty good with compliments now! Woo! This brings me back to this recent Euro-trip. I was terrible at realizing when guys were flirting... I'd catch the drift way after leaving them. "Wait... oh! He said that because... OH! I GET IT!"
I had this moment at the Louvre, where I was cutting it close for Mass at Notre Dame (hey, don't judge me. I was in Paris for the Virgin of Guadalupe's day... she's my homegirl), so I NEEDED to leave the museum if I wanted to make it to Mass on time. I saw a dude, probably early 30's, standing near an exit sign. He was a worker, in a nice suit, with a name tag... so I approached him and asked if that was the way out.
He looked me right in the face (Parisian men have a thing for holding eye-contact which make me a little uncomfortable... it's a freakishly long time which they insist on looking you dead on in the face... examining every last detail about it. It's crazy. I bet they can give pretty accurate description to police portrait artists), smiled... said "As-salamu alaykum," then "Bonjour?" then "hello?" then "hola?" and smiled some more. I asked again, this time in French. "But why would you want to leave? Where are you going?" he asked. "I need to get to Notre Dame before 6:30," I said. The guy got closer to me, smiled, then said "Ah, yes, the exit. I can take you to it, though I'd hate to see you leave..."-- still holding eye-contact with me, looking serious. I panicked, my eyes large as hell, eyebrows up in surprise. "Oh my god! Why?! What's wrong?" I said, thinking I was in trouble for... well, I don't know, it was Paris... they do whatever the fuck they want... I could have been in trouble for wearing blue pants with my red sweater, for all I knew.
The guy's semi-smile turned to a disappointed frown, he straightened his blazer, then said "I really shouldn't be doing this, but, I'll take you through this very special exit. Come along, follow me." And ta-da! exit through the shop. "Have a great time at Notre Dame. Au revoir."
I then jetted over to Notre Dame, and it wasn't until I was in the middle of Mass that it dawned on me that the poor guy was doing all he could to flirt... but it was like flirting with a wall.
He was cute... like a younger version of the actor who plays Littlefinger on Game of Thrones (so I have a thing for that little weasel. Again, don't judge me). I'm just too slow at picking up on flirtatious conversation. "He was trying to flirt? WHY?!"
Stories like that peppered my December trip... I'll probably talk about it later, but enough for now. Point is, while I'm SLOW at noticing when a guy wants to flirt with me (well, when he's not as straightforward as the sickos who do shit like physically GRAB me or do that tongue thing when I walk by [the one where they display how talented they are with their tongue action], as though that ever works with anyone who is NOT a nymphomaniac), but I don't get all worked up when they toss me a compliment. I giggle now... like a teenager. Baby steps.

5. Ummm... this I will consider a failure. From around July until now, I have broken out worse than I ever have... not even my teen years were this bad. I blame my diet for the outbreak. I've been pretty lax about my beauty regimen, usually falling asleep with mascara still on my face and that sort of shit. I did buy retinol to prevent/ease wrinkles back in June... but I have yet to use it. I'm a TERRIBLE girl. Fucking TERRIBLE! Oh! Well, it can't be a complete failure-- I DID get a manicure last month before heading out to Athens... that was mighty girly of me (I then proceeded to remove the gel polish with my teeth two weeks later... even after hearing the nail lady lecture me on the proper removal procedure for a good ten minutes. NOT very girly of me. My nails are wrecked).

Good Lord... 2014 was a massive failure.
My bad.
I knew I should have mentioned something about traveling. I had that shit DOWN! Once again I visited a new country/city for like... my fourth year. That was rad as fuck.

I guess I'll go ahead and do some resolutions.
1. DROP THE FUCKING COOKIES, ANoMALIE! I will go back to my strict "clean" eating (I fucking hate that term). I won't be as much of a nazi about it, though. Slap me if I ever try lecturing you on the "evils" of certain foods. You like sugar/salt/tasty shit and you're happy with your image? Well, shit, that's all that matters (well, as long as you're not acquiring diabetes or any of those health problems). And please, for the love of my sanity, don't try bullying me into eating after I tell you No. Bad things happen when people don't respect my "No."
2. I WILL NOT BE A CUNT! This is what? My 20th year saying this?
3. I will take time-outs. I won't try and act like everything is OK, and allow bad shit to accumulate, only for me to have major melt-downs like I tend to do. If something bothers me or upsets me, I won't subject myself to "roughing it." To "power through." I'll straight call a time-out and just... leave. Chill time... I'll have chill time.
4. DON'T TALK SHIT. Walk away, Holmes, walk away.
5. Don't let trolls get the best of me. I learned there are a good few people in my life who actively seek to rile me up. Why they enjoy this is beyond me... makes me sad FOR THEM... because there are much more interesting things out there to do besides upsetting me... but to each their own. I'll do my best not to give them any satisfaction.
6. My most ambitious move EVER: I'll sell one of my works. I don't know what... but it'll be ANYTHING, for WHATEVER price... just not free. I've sold two photographs in the past, but everything else I've given away for free. I won't specify whether it'll be a short story, or a painting, or a photograph... just anything my two hands have created.

Should I add something relating to my sentimental life?
Nah. I've been good neglecting that aspect for the last few years. That shit always ruins my year... so I'm good just completely ignoring that part of a person's life. I don't need it. I don't use it.
Just like spirituality is something unimportant in the lives of many, "love"/"relationships" is a dead, non-existent part in my life. Period. No use acknowledging it.

2015... AAAAAHHHHH! Is this for real?!
Be good. Please.

res '14

The mandatory resolutions update.
I love going back and checking how well I progressed with my resolution of the year that closed.
I went easy on myself for 2013, only making a list of four resolutions.
The resolutions were, and I quote:

1. To be nicer, more forgiving. 
2. No "love" or any of that dreamy bullshit. 
3. Action! Drawing, writing, the whole bohemian shebang! and of course... 
4. Travel like a motherfucker!

The verdict?
1. I was somewhat nicer... thought 2013 was also the year where I actually physically injured a bitch at the gym. HOWEVER, as far as being forgiving: I WAS! ABSOLUTELY... without a fucking shadow of a doubt. You have no clue how proud this makes me.
I was offended numerous times, and that shit hurt, some more than others, but clearly I had shitty days where I cried my eyes out... however, I "manned" up and forgave... I MOVED ON.
In Mexico this week, for the wedding, I was placed with the ONE girl I swore I'd never forgive after that ugly falling-out at my sister's 21st birthday-- that very well documented incident. Anyway, I was a fucking adult and fully accepted her. I laughed with her. I hung out with her.
And so... I am a better person, for growing the fuck up and cutting out the resentment shit that helped NO ONE.
This is cool. I'm so happy I followed through... and I didn't even remember it had been a resolution of mine to be more forgiving. What a way for the Universe to test me. Ha.

2. No "love"... or any of that dreamy bullshit. ? Hahahahaha. Ummm... I guess sorta? I'm convinced there's no way I can live life without harboring some sort of crush on a guy... it's just something I've done since toddlerhood. I didn't enter a relationship, so I think I can say I didn't have love. I wouldn't have messed with the dreamy bullshit, either, had it not been for the past week... with this whole shit with the eighteen year old guy... and really, can you blame me? He has a HOTASS body... and he thought I was the bees knees... I HAD to get all dreamy-crushy. HAD TO. It was my fucking duty.

3. Action? Yes, very much so. I drew/painted more than any other year. I really was bohemian, even participating in a stereotypical conversation over wine with fellow artists about "adventures" in their world. It was very Diego Rivera-ish. I also wrote, however, considering I lost it ALL after my computer mishap, I can't consider it a success.

4. Travel like a moterfucker? This will be the spot I also tie in another entry where I mentioned my 13 destinations I wanted to explore in 2013. My list was:
1. San Francisco
2. Los Angeles
3. Boston
4. Chicago
5. Jurez, CH, MX
6. Washington D.C.
7. San Jose, CR
8. Cancun, MX
9. Hometown, MX
10. Mexico City
11. Barcelona, Spain
12. Paris, France
13. Berlin, Germany
Now, I didn't follow through in the sense that I visited those exact cities. I didn't step foot in LA, Boston, Chicago, DC, Juarez, or Hometown... almost half of the list... however, I DID travel a lot.
First, I traveled to San Francisco twice this year. I also visited San Jose. I'm counting it. My list looks sort of like this:
1. San Francisco
2. San Jose, CA
3. San Jose, CR... and this must have a minimum of five cities, since I went to every freakin' state BUT one.
4. Philadelphia... sure, it was the airport, but I visited that airport twice... and I also visited Atlanta, and Miami. So BOOM!
5. Berlin!
6. Paris!
7. Torremolinos, Spain! This is my new "Happy Place" whenever I get depressed and need to envision a pretty place in my mine. I don't know why... but it captivated me.
8. Malaga, Spain
9. Barcelona!! I will always love this place!
10. Cancun! So relaxing!
11. San Miguel de Allende! GOD! Best time of my life!
12. Dolores, Hidalgo! The cradle of the Mexican revolution. Stunning.
13. Guanajuato, Guanajuato! My new favorite city... so fucking gorgeous!
14. Mexico City! I loved it... LOVED it!

I had the opportunity to see other cities, but I was too exhausted or scared to visit. Some of those destinations came as a complete surprise to me-- I would never have looked into them on my own.
Crazy to see how my wish for travel came true.

This time around, I'm going to take it easy and keep my resolution at this:
1. Smile more often. I look like a homicidal psychopath when I'm not smiling.
2. Good vibes. Avoid negativity... especially when I am the one emitting that shit. It's not cool.
3. Muscle. I will build some nice muscle and quit being so lax on the diet. I'm old, I need to watch myself.
4. Learn to take a compliment... and more importantly, believe it when someone compliments me.
5. Make an effort to take care of my physical appearance.... there's nothing wrong with being a girly-girl. It's about time I gave a shit about facials and all that shit.

2014, be good to me... 2013 was beautiful to me, please try follow its example.

Resolutions v.2013

Damn it! I was going to update yesterday, to finally have a year where my number of updates equals out to the number of days in the year (fail for 2012. Missed 366 entries by a little under 100... 97? Something like that. That's a little over three months... didn't feel like I did that, but the numbers don't lie).
I was supposed to post resolutions... but I guess I was bogged down by the constant pondering.
Truthfully, I don't know what I want.
Sure, I want to remain healthy... keep up the workout routine... but that doesn't change so I don't feel like talking about it.

As far as resolutions revolving around social interactions go: I don't have any. Well... maybe I'll resolve to repair some of the friendships that have deteriorated over the last few years due to my depression... and low-carb rage.
You'd be surprised how many people get offended by the shit I tweet, which often-- usually-- is not directed at them BY ANY MEANS. I guess I'm just offensive by nature. Or maybe people expect me to be a pleasant little saint... a doormat, and when I open my mouth to express an opinion, which often contradicts their own, I get kicked out of their club of hypocrites. I'm sweet and considerate, but if I feel you're getting too outrageously irrational, I'll call you out on your bullshit... that, or if I feel your ego is getting too big and you're crushing too many hearts-- I'll take pleasure in taking an ax to that inflated self-image of yours. Maybe that's what pisses people off? They think my quiet, passive nature means I'm dominated and a just one of their cronies? Sadly, the people who treat me like this are usually family... so I can't just walk away. Instead, I have to continue going to parties and get togethers where we coincide... and shit is just awkwardly quiet where we have to greet each other courteously before both our parents make shit even more awkward. Don't nobody need an intervention during Posada Night #9.
SO! Ok, I'll work on fixing this issue. I won't bite my tongue when one of my cousins is being a shithead... but I also won't harbor so much fucking resentment towards HIM or her (female cousins hardly piss me off, now that I think about it... except for the older ones... those ladies... yeah, never mind, THEY are the ones who piss me off most... with their archaic beliefs snooping around MY business). We. Will. Be. Friends.
Good lord, help us all.

As far as my heart, my "love life," "romance," is concerned: it's dead. Non-existent. Done. Gone. A non-issue.
Now, more than ever, I'm sure this was never meant for me. Ever. Spending any time on this is a waste. Ain't nobody got time for that.
It brings unnecessary pain and worry... and really just turns my brain to shit.
Just like some people don't like the taste of protein powder, I fucking love it. Just like some people would kill for Hawaii-imported pineapples, I'd mule-kick anyone who'd offer me that shit.
Some people are meant to love and have a family and blah blah blah... but a few are meant to just roam the Earth alone-- I am one of the latter. It'd be foolish of me to think otherwise.
Love. Doesn't. Exist. (For me)
Companionship. Doesn't. Exist. (For me)
And that's that.

My "career"? (question mark goes inside or outside of the quotation marks here?) Haaaaa! Give me a minute, I need to scoff real quick.
Ok, so... I shouldn't scoff just yet. I do have plans... I actually HAVE set plans into action here. This is what happens when I convince myself not to fuck around with "love" or any of that nonsense.
My method of getting off the floor and dusting myself off is by putting shit into action. I fall from the imaginary, romanticized world I live in... the fall each time harder than the last, I face-plant for a couple of days... months... sometimes years... but the moment I decide to stand up and take the dirt off my shoulder, I go HARD.
Sure, I lose more of the sweet, soft AnoMALIE... but it's the price I pay for ever putting down my guard.

So... for 2013, I resolve:
1. To be nicer, more forgiving.
2. No "love" or any of that dreamy bullshit.
3. Action! Drawing, writing, the whole bohemian shebang!
and of course...
4. Travel like a motherfucker!

REsolutions, duh

2012 Resolutions:

1. I will work on my road rage-- curbing it, that is.
2. No more barking at people... it's fucking ugly.
3. I WILL bench 150! (I tried while in Chicago, and I left a little "forget me not" on Coconut's concrete basement floor... from where the plates hit full speed when I tossed that shit off me. SO embarrassing)
4. I will squat in the big boy room at the "scary gym."
5. I will not fear carbs. They are my friend. They are my friend. They are my friend.... yeah, not working.
6. I'll smile at least once a day. THAT I can try.
7. I'll make... two new friends. Lowballing the number because I doubt I'll interact with others much this year, though I enjoy this task (even if it initially intimidates the fuck out of me). I love "how I met you" stories... mainly because other's stories of how they met ME start with "I thought you were a bitch." Always pleasant to hear.
8. I'll talk. At least... I'll try... for at least half an hour.
9. I'll smile at minimum two strangers a month. This I find fun, because it's rad to see their face change with delight. It's cool.
10. I'll master the basic pistol 
11. I'll be less cynical. Not less sarcastic... ok, maybe just a little... a little less sarcastic. 
12. I will not waste a single day laying in bed, sleeping my life away. I did that shit four times this year. That's fucking four times too many. 
13. I will forgive without resentment... and I'll trust without... paranoia. 
14. I'll be a sweetheart at the gym. I'll forgive the stupid newbies who invade my space... or I'll just give them a gentle nudge with my weights to let him/her know there's more to come if they don't get the fuck out of my way. 
15. I. Will. Not. Scream.

Obviously a must on the first of the year.
Time to reflect on last year's resolutions and see how I managed to mangle that shit.

1. My road rage. Umm... I kind of refrain from being my usual Chola persona behind the wheel... mostly because I'm no longer in a rush to get to places... unless I really have to go take a piss. A girl with an urgent need to piss is NOT a pleasant thing.
2. Barking at people. Ummm... I have... well, the AMOUNT of people I've barked at has significantly decreased... but I now bark VICIOUSLY when the time comes. I've gotten pretty ruthless. Nasty, really.
3. BENCHING! 150 was NOT met, but I do bench 10kgs heavier than I did last year, so that's a plus. 150 was TOO ambitious. My chest isn't THAT massive. I hit other spots instead... my back inadvertently being the biggest winner.

Just let me... admire that delt real quick, I don't get to see it w/o the help of a mirror.
(people thought I was showing off my bicep. NOT true. My bicep is weak as fuck)

4. The Big Boy room! I DID NOT do it at my gym, but I DID try it with my godson in September. He has a lovely weightroom in his house that I used ONCE, because I'm a bum. He corrected my form, and the results were quickly noted. Crazy how your ass (literally) will shape up in as little as two months the moment you quit being a shy fuckhead in the weightroom.
5. Carbs. I went back to those badboys in September. I hit that shit HARD. My mood showed improvement almost immediately. I loaded up in December, and yesterday, the cutting cycle once again began. I'm sorry America, I'm sorry Universe... but I'm going to be one cranky bitch for the next few months. Is it crazy that I'm a little excited?
6. Smiling at least once a day. FAIL. I did smile a lot, and I DID try my hardest at being nice and friendly... but sadly, I had some very rough days. At least I tried.
7. Making two new friends. I killed in this department. SMASHED this number. Like I said yesterday, I even acquired a family (last night, we Skyped and counted down together as a way to say goodbye. Those babygirls were so happy. They fill my heart).
8. Talking for at least half an hour. Not exactly sure why I made this a resolution, or what I meant by it. Talk every day? Or talk at every social occasion? Regardless, I would say I failed at times, but due to suddenly turning into an only-child in 2012, I was pretty much forced to be more social, since I no longer had D to answer FOR me. I still remained the quiet girl at numerous social occasions.
9. Smiling at, minimum, two strangers a month. Umm... I think I actually did this. While I became vicious with my family, I was rather pleasant and friendly to strangers.
10. Mastering the pistol-squat. Jesus, this was hard! I definitely did not master it, since I still can't get too low with my foot completely parallel to the floor, but I'm definitely able to do single-leg squats. Mastery might come about this year, fingers crossed.
11. Less cynical, a little less sarcastic. I was SO GOOD at this for so long... then came... November, I think? Maybe October, and I just because outrageously cynical. Embarrassingly cynical.
12. Not spending a single day laying in bed, wasting my life away. Umm... let's see... I guess I can say I passed this, since even at my lowest, I still managed to... wait, no, I had two days of being too annihilated to get up. Perfectly excusable occasions, but like always, I pulled myself together and life continued for me.
13. Forgiving without resentment, trusting without paranoia. DONE! This shit right here burned me, but... I guess it did make me a better person. You have NO IDEA how difficult it was for me to get over my resentment/hatred for those two-of-three "enemies," and while one of those is now bugging the fucking shit out of me, I'm glad I was able let shit go.
14. Being a sweetheart at the gym. HA! Hahahaha! Ok, yeah, I'm pretty nice, and I now have a "crew" at the gym... and people now know me by name in there (it makes me a little sad that they greet me so warmly, while I sit there smiling damning myself for being such a lame-ass who never catches people's names. I'm a dick), I HAVE had moments where I shoot daggers at idiot newbies. Kickboxing is just... never ask me to be a nice person in kickboxing. You're never sweet when beating the shit out of someone, so calm down.
15. I will not scream. Ooops! In arguments, I lowered the tendency, but these last two times I argued with my brother I couldn't help but raise my voice... fool is a vet army sergeant, it's a given that guy is going to get in my face at deafening volume. I also screamed a lot in December. It's liberating.

Jesus. I was hella pushing shit with 15 resolutions. Fuck.
This year? Umm... I'll come up with a list tomorrow, possibly.
BUT! So far, I have these crazy amazing prospects in the horizon I fear I won't mention until shit becomes more concrete... I don't want to spoil shit like I tend to do.
2013 is going to be one motherfucking amazing year, and I don't need astrology or numerology to tell me that shit.

Disculpas

So, Christmas came and went, and now it's time to focus on the closing of this year and the start of the new.
It's time for some motherfuckin' resolutions.

I had been thinking about this resolution for a long time, especially since a few days ago I had a very in-depth conversation about it with my mother.
This forgiveness issue of mine.
I'm SO fucking stubborn when it comes to forgiveness.
I say I forgive, but never forget. When someone goes out of their way to apologize to me for any wrong they may have caused, I "accept" the apology, but things are never the same. I stop trusting the person, and the issue for which they apologized will forever remain in my head... I'll have my guard up around them, and I'll distance myself from them.
I have too difficult a stance on this topic... and I feel like a complete fucking asshole when I have to apologize... because I understand the offended party is in all his/her right to not accept my apology, and it also reminds me that: Hey! Pendeja! You fucked up!

So... the concept of apologizing and forgiveness has been pretty fucked in my head.

This recent fight with my brother made me realize that I'm a fucking dick... and I should really try to be kind... and apologize when I fuck up, but especially FORGIVE when someone offends me.

I fixed things with my brother today... which technically is yesterday. He left at 10PM, so before that, I made sure to be kind to him, and let him know that I love him, and that if I ever offended him I was terribly sorry, and if he ever offended me I've totally forgotten it. And all went back to normal... we even hugged when I dropped him off at the airport.

This will be what I work on most. I will be quick to ask for forgiveness, and more importantly, whole-heartedly forgive ANYONE who offends me or HAS offended me in the past.

I will be kind and forgiving... and not see it as a weakness.

Arrivederci!

Sums up my feelings to perfection:

Fuck. You.

2012, let's make it a good year.
Resolution time?
Sure, why not:

1. I will work on my road rage-- curbing it, that is.
2. No more barking at people... it's fucking ugly.
3. I WILL bench 150! (I tried while in Chicago, and I left a little "forget me not" on Coconut's concrete basement floor... from where the plates hit full speed when I tossed that shit off me. SO embarrassing)
4. I will squat in the big boy room at the "scary gym."
5. I will not fear carbs. They are my friend. They are my friend. They are my friend.... yeah, not working.
6. I'll smile at least once a day. THAT I can try.
7. I'll make... two new friends. Lowballing the number because I doubt I'll interact with others much this year, though I enjoy this task (even if it initially intimidates the fuck out of me). I love "how I met you" stories... mainly because other's stories of how they met ME start with "I thought you were a bitch." Always pleasant to hear.
8. I'll talk. At least... I'll try... for at least half an hour.
9. I'll smile at minimum two strangers a month. This I find fun, because it's rad to see their face change with delight. It's cool.
10. I'll master the basic pistol (THIS shit right here:  It renders me speechless. I doubt I'll ever be that gracefully strong. Sheesh)
11. I'll be less cynical. Not less sarcastic... ok, maybe just a little... a little less sarcastic.
12. I will not waste a single day laying in bed, sleeping my life away. I did that shit four times this year. That's fucking four times too many.
13. I will forgive without resentment... and I'll trust without... paranoia.
14. I'll be a sweetheart at the gym. I'll forgive the stupid newbies who invade my space... or I'll just give them a gentle nudge with my weights to let him/her know there's more to come if they don't get the fuck out of my way.
15. I. Will. Not. Scream.

I think that's all I can really commit to right now. That's a shit-ton of resolutions... which can all melt down to this: I'll be nicer, I'll be happier, and I'll forgive... and I'll keep beasting.

Con todo, 2012! 'amonos!

11-11

I pregamed for the New Year's festivities at home... with my mom. How's that for weird? AND I did it per her request.
I was just going to head out with some friends for dinner, shots, and the countdown... but Mom was all up in my business wanting me to get drunk since the previous day.
Some people may not find this strange, but see... MY mom asking me to get shitfaced for New Year's is like having Mother Theresa ask you to get smashed. It makes you worry.

So, I was only following orders when I took a double shot with her... and I was downright threatened into drinking some champagne with her before heading out (when this little lady tells you to do something, you do not ask questions... you just do it before you wake up in the ER with missing teeth and one eye).
Me: Para que quiere eso, si ni siquiera son las doce todavía? (what do you want that for, if it isn't even twelve yet?)
Mom: Oh, porque quiero! (oh, because I want to!)
I turned my glass of champagne into a mimosa, 'cause the shit Mom bought was gross.

Anyway, I left Mom to get trashed off the bottle of champagne on her own (which she did. She told me this morning that when she went to bed, she nearly fell because she felt the bed turn into a waterbed. That was cute).
The plan was to be calm and spend a couple of hours with my best boys... you know, so I could keep from debating whether or not to crash Darcy's fun (which I wouldn't do [sober] because I really have no business being on that side of town, my side is far more poppin' so to speak, since I live a hop and a skip away from the awesome beer palace known as Yardhouse), 'cause these guys keep me from thinking about, well, guys.
The boys were great and everything, dinner was pretty (I'd say "good" but I wasn't feeling so great, so I didn't really enjoy eating anything. But it all looked nice), the conversation was hilarious... but I was just a little irritated with some of the guys there because they fucking swear they're part of Kanye's posse or some shit, let's just put it that way (the way they dress and speak).
The dude who randomly kissed me at the posada the other day was also there... and he was joking about New Year's kisses and shit... and all I could say was "Homie, you ain't touchin' me" (apparently I too think I'm part of Kanye's crew).
I was also a little bored because the shindig was a total sausage-fest... with about three guys for every girl... and I... well... I don't really enjoy being in that position... 'cause I'm sure if there'd be more chicks in the picture, they'd ignore me and allow me be the wallflower I really am. Those thoughts rush to my head all the time, so then I turn into a bitch and I respond to flirtation with sarcastic, caustic shit that would make anyone wonder what the hell was wrong with me. I'm sorry, I'm just fucked up like that... my bad.
SO! Before I turned too much into the Ice Queen of the room, I left and met up with my sister at The Cosmo... where the ratio of girls to guys was far more favorable, and I was able to relax.
Who was there? Jay-Z, Coldplay... and I think Kanye (how fucking ironic).
The vibe was nice... until one of the girls of the group came up to us crying, because apparently she lost her wallet that had her entire life-- except her phone-- in it.
It was horrible to see the poor girl that messed up... we even tried cheering her up with a Mexican Hot Dog (the ones that are wrapped in bacon. Bacon fixes everything, at least for a couple of minutes).
Once the crying girl was slightly subdued, I called it a night. The parking lot was a mess to exit (as always), and when I came home, what was I greeted with?
MENUDO.
HOMEMADE MENUDO.
MY MOM made menudo. That woman NEVER cooks. Fuck the world ending in 2012, I think it's going to happen in the coming week.

And that was my weird New Year's Eve celebration.

During the dinner, we all started talking about resolutions, and more than half of us were of the "FUCK LOVE!" crew. I even blurted out "Fuck it, I'm getting married to the first fucker that asks this year! I'm done!" but I blamed that shit on the Agavero. Marriage... pshhhhhhhh!
In all reality, I haven't even thought of resolutions. I never really follow through... like that one year I swore boys off (not that I was going to start seeing girls. I just meant no relationships), I broke that one off within days and I paid DEARLY for it.
So... no resolutions so far. Maybe just... less thinking about boys and more thinking about school. Simple enough, right? Blaaaaaah.
I also resolve to be more of a girl. This tomboy shit is starting to bug me.
And maybe I'll talk to Darcy about something other than Cristiano Ronaldo being a dick... and I'll quit being so sarcastic and full of "HA-HA!"s when writing back... I don't know why I do that.
On the physical aspect... I guess I can gun for a 150 bench-press (here I go talking shit no one wants to read). I've been meandering in the 100's like a chump for too long (last week one of my friends accompanied me, and when she saw what I was lifting, she gave me that "Ughh... muscles on girls are so gross" talk. I just laughed... 'cause this was coming form a girl whose high school sport was bowling... get out of here)... and I'll work on keeping my thighs under control, 'cause I'll be the first to admit that with those bitches, along with my ass, I could have saved all 87 members of the Donner Party that tragic winter of 1800-whatever.

Anyway, nice day.
While I was never the kid to wish on 11:11, I do find it cute that today is written "1-1-11."
Make a wish, suckaaas!

I should place an add

Yesterday I agreed to be a bridesmaid for my cousin/hairdresser's wedding.
That marks the... maybe sixth or seventh wedding I'm a bridesmaid for since 1998 (I know, I've been in the game for that long. How fucking depressing).
And let's not forget the... seven or eight Quinceañeras I've been in (those shits are pretty damn similar to weddings if you ask me).
Give me three more years, by then I'll so beat that chick in the upcoming "27 Dresses" movie.

Talking about movies, there's a ton out there that I feel urged to watch.
First, and while I feel like a douche admitting this, I want to watch I Am Legend.
That little wish is coming true today, since there's a dude who wants to watch it way more than I do ("I don't give a shit! I'm going to watch that movie even if I have to go all by my motherfucking self!!" direct quote from him, yesterday, which surprised me because the guy never cusses), and I agreed to accompany him because I feel bad thinking about him sitting in a movie theater all by himself watching an old movie.

Anyway, I also want to watch:
-Sweeny Todd (I offered to go watch this one yesterday... and it's when Never-Cusses-Boy went on a cussing tirade. Ok, dude, chill!)
-The Kite Runner (Everyone I've talked to about this movie has said they won't go because they don't want to cry. What's so wrong with crying, motherfuckers? It's a touching movie, so what?!)
-Walk Hard (I'm a sucker for this type of movie... and while I see nothing wrong with crying, I also want to laugh during this time of the year. I forgot to bring it up yesterday during the heated, swear-word infested debate)
And maybe, JUST maybe:
-P.S. I Love You. (I'm a girl. Yeah. Plus, I just saw 300 for the first time last week, and I'm now madly in lust with Gerard Butler. Mmm...mmm...mmmmm)

However, the movie I want to go watch with all my might is:
-Juno.
Ever so BADDDDDLY.

The problem in that is that the people I'm hanging out with this week would rather be shot than go to that movie.
Dude... why must I have such eclectic taste in movies (ok, maybe not that eclectic, but still, they're movies most of my friends would frown upon like "WTF is this indie shit?!" when in all reality, not all of them are indie flicks)?
And why must I be such a pussy and agree to watch some damn film I'm probably going to be laughing (and not at the appropriate times) all the way through?

Resolution right here (one of many, I suppose): In 2008, I'll quit being a chump and not agree to go to movies I know I'll dislike (it's getting pretty damn expensive to put up with this little addiciton of mine of not being able to turn down movies).