Y a esta edad...

*Real Life Alert. Travel stories next time*

Growing up wasn't, and still IS NOT, easy.

As is the case for many people, music has always been my escape when things get a little too difficult.
I'll quickly give people my list of top songs... but usually leave one song out, because it is too revealing of my feelings... of my life... of how the cards have fallen for me.
It embarrasses me, to be quite frank.
I see the person's expression change the moment I drop the song title-- their look of curiosity turn to that of... pity-- and I quickly change the subject.

I first listened to this song as a kid, and cried my eyes out... to think someone could ever feel like this.
Years passed before I heard the song again, this time I was in High School... seventeen years old... and I cried even worse... because now I identified with the lyrics.

A mis dieciséis, anhelaba tanto un amor que no llego.
Siempre lo espere-- todos mis amigos se encontraban en la misma situación.
Y después yo vi como iban cambiando su manera de vivir...
Todos con sú amor; cada uno de ellos muy sonrientes, muy felices-- menos yo.
Y la soledad cada vez mas triste, mas obscura, yo vivi.
Y a esa edad, todos preguntaban los motivos, yo solía siempre decir:
Yo no nací para amar. Nadie nació para mi. Tan solo fui un loco soñador nomas.
Yo no nací para amar. Nadie nació para mi. Mis sueños nunca se volvieron realidad.

As the years have transpired, I have become even more identified by the song... to perfection (well, technically, this was about his feelings as a homosexual man in a Macho society. I am a quiet, shy, ex-obese girl with incredibly shitty luck in a very shallow world. It's surprising how fucking similar that can get).

Siempre lo busque, pero nunca pude encontrar ese amor...
Siempre lo espere, y en todas partes que esperaba, ese amor nunca llego.
Hoy mi soledad, cada vez mas triste y obscura pueden ver.
Hoy, en esta edad, aun me preguntan mis amigos, y es muy triste responder...

And something in my heart tells me it will hold true forever.

Yo no nací para amar. Nadie nació para mi. Tan solo fui un loco soñador nomas.
Yo no nací para amar. Nadie nació para mi. 
Mis sueños no se realizaron... yo no nací para amar.

Juan Gabriel wrote a song for every occasion.
I have so many songs as favorites that belong to this man. The way he manipulated the Spanish language was gorgeous... and hit so many emotional buttons on what I thought was a dead heart. He sang my hurt-- La Muerte del Palomo, La Diferencia, Asi Fue, Hasta Que Te Conoci, Te Sigo Amando, Amor Eterno (the goddamned BEAUTY of this horrifyingly heartbreaking song is unparalleled), De Mi Enamorate, Te Lo Pido Porfavor... TO NAME A FEW, have always been my go tos when I feel broken and I freely disclose those to others.
But there is that ONE song... that ONE song I keep to myself... THE song that speaks to me on a level that no other does.
Yo No Nací Para Amar... that one, that one is for my eyes only.

At sixteen, I yearned so much for a love that never came...
I always waited for it-- all of my friends were in the same situation.
Then I watched as they changed their way of life...
All of them with their loves; all of them so smiley, so happy-- all but me.
And the loneliness-- each time sadder, darker-- I experienced.
And at that age, everyone asked the reasons, I tended to always respond:
I was not born to love. Nobody was born for me. I was always just a crazy dreamer.
I was not born to love. Nobody was born for me. My dreams never came true.

I always looked for it, but I could never find that love...
I always waited for it, and every place I waited, that love never came.
Today my loneliness, each time sadder and darker, you can see.
Today, at this age, my friends still ask me, and it's so sad to respond...
I was not born to love. Nobody was born for me. I was always just a crazy dreamer.
I was not born to love. Nobody was born for me.
My dreams never came true... I wasn't born to love.

The voice that harmoniously expressed what I so often feel, is silent forever.
Thank you for making me feel a little less lonely during my shittiest of moments.

Agora vivo um sonho

Have I mentioned how much I fucking love Portuguese?

Você diz que não precisa
Viver sonhando tanto
Que vivo a fazer
Demais, por você

Diz que não precisa
A cada vez que canto
Uma canção a mais, pra você

Mas tem que ser assim
Pra ser de coração
Não diga não precisa
Ah ah ahh

Tem que ser assim
É seu meu coração
Não diga não precisa
Ah ah ahh

Eu já sonhei com a vida
Agora vivo um sonho
Mas viver ou sonhar
Com você, tanto faz

Não diga não precisa
Eu digo que é preciso
A gente se amar demais
Nada a mais

Mas tem que ser assim
Pra ser de coração
Não diga não precisa
Ah ah ahh

Tem que ser assim
É seu meu coração
Não diga não precisa
Ah ah ah

I spoke that entire song (minus the "ah ah" parts, of course) to Brazil as he tried telling us at our table about his supposed Brazilian background.
Not like I can hold a conversation in Portuguese... I'm more of a parrot who can repeat as I'm told, most of the time. I'll understand perhaps 80% of what I'm listening to... but I can't really formulate much of a coherent thought in Portuguese.
Anyway, Brazil did the blank stare thing, the smile that one makes when trying to hold back chuckles, and repeated the "Eu seu de Brazil."

It was a good, much needed laugh.

Pity I make friends who live so fucking far away (uh, yeah, LA is far).

(And after thinking about it, I made zero female friends on this Mexico trip. Only girls I hung out with were my sister and Betty. Even the CHILD buddy I made was a little dude. Someone teach me to be friendly with my fellow ladies, this can't be good... right? That probably should have been a 2014 resolution of mine)

Colibri

His goal in life was to be an echo
Riding alone, town after town, toll after toll 
A fixed bayonet through the great southwest to forget her

She appears in his dreams
But in his car and in his arms
A dream can mean anything
A cheap sunset on a television set can upset her
But he never could

Remember to remember me
Standing still in your past
Floating fast like a hummingbird

His goal in life was to be an echo
The type of sound that floats around and then back down
Like a feather
But in the deep chrome canyons of the loudest Manhattans
No one could hear him
Or anything

So he slept on a mountain
In a sleeping bag underneath the stars
He would lie awake and count them
And the gray fountain spray of the great Milky Way
Would never let him
Die alone

Remember to remember me
Standing still in your past
Floating fast like a hummingbird
Remember to remember me
Standing still in your past
Floating fast like a hummingbird

A hummingbird
A hummingbird

This trip I saw numerous hummingbirds... hummingbirds of all sizes.
Each time I'd catch myself staring at these delicate creatures, this Wilco song would play in the back of my mind.
Remember to remember me, standing still in your past, floating fast like a hummingbird.
I quickly turned into that weird girl who'd get teary-eyed at the sight of hummingbirds. My tiny companions stopped pointing the birds out to me, that's how sad things would get.
His goal in life was to be an echo-- the type of sound that floats around and then back down, like a feather.
Walking into the grocery store, walking out of a park... there they'd be-- pretty birds with quick-flapping wings, creating the illusion of floating in thin air. Float, float, float, completely unafraid of the humans walking near them.

The song may be about in the point of view of a man... but I've never felt more identified.
And the gray fountain spray of the great Milky Way would never let her... die alone.

Perfidy

Nadie comprende lo que sufro yo. 
Canto, pues ya no puedo sollozar.
Solo temblando de ansiedad estoy.
Todos me miran y se van.

Mujer, si puedes tú con dios hablar, pregúntale si yo alguna vez te he dejado de adorar;
Y al mar-- espejo de mi corazón-- las veces que me ha visto llorar la perfidia de tú amor...

Te he buscado dondequiera que yo voy, y no te puedo hallar.
Para que quiero otros besos si tus labios no me quieren ya besar?
Y tú... quien sabe por dónde andarás.
Quien sabe que aventuras tendrás...
Qué lejos estás de mí...

"No one understands how much I suffer.
I sing, since I can no longer sob.
I only tremble from the anxiety.
Everyone looks at me and leaves.

Woman, if you can speak with God, ask him if at any time I've stopped loving you;
And to the sea-- the mirror of my heart-- the times it has seen me cry the perfidy of your love...

I've looked for you wherever I go, and I can't find you.
Why would I want other kisses if your lips no longer want to kiss me?
And you... who knows where you might be.
Who knows what adventure you might be having...
How far you are from me..."

In Spanish, this song is so freakin' gorgeous (it's quite famous, even used in "Casablanca" and, oddly enough, the show "Dexter")... translated, not so much.

Of course I identify with the song, of course I sing along.
Pregúntale si yo alguna vez te he dejado de adorar.
Since the moment I met you? No. Never.
Y al mar-- espejo de mi corazón-- las veces que me ha visto llorar la perfidia de tú amor...
Every time we reunite-- the ocean, the sea, any body of water, really.

I travel the world... I meet new people, often hoping to find someone who will outshine you, and it never happens. I never want anyone like I want... you. I don't admire anyone the way I admire you.
If it isn't you, I don't want the guy even touching me... I get defensive and do everything to repel him.
I do wonder where you might be and what you might be doing... having that constant reminder that whatever it might be, you are still so very far from me... too far.


Mexican song writers rock my world.

Dulzura

No,
porque tus errores me tienen cansado; 
porque en nuestras vidas ya todo ha pasado; 
porque no me has dado un poquito de ti. 
(No, 
Because your mistakes have worn me out;
Because everything in our lives has passed on by;
Because you haven't given me a single bit of you)
No, 
porque con tus besos no encuentro dulzura; 
porque tus reproches me dan amargura; 
porque no vivimos lo mismo de ayer.
(No,
Because I don't find any sweetness in your kisses;
because your reproaches only give me bitterness;
Because we don't live the same stuff of yesterday)
No, 
porque ya no extraño como antes tu ausencia; 
porque ya disfruto aún sin tu presencia; 
ya no queda esencia del amor de ayer. 
(No,
Because, unlike before, I no longer miss your absence,
Because now I enjoy thing even without your presence,
There is no longer an essence of yesterday's love)
No, 
aunque me juraras que mucho has cambiado; 
para mi lo nuestro ya está terminado; 
no me pidas nunca que vuelva jamás.
(No,
Even if you swore to me that you've changed a lot,
For me, our "thing" is over,
Don't ever ask me to ever return.)
No, 
porque ya no extraño como antes tu ausencia; 
porque ya disfruto aún sin tu presencia; 
ya no queda esencia del amor de ayer.
(No,

Because, unlike before, I no longer miss your absence,

Because now I enjoy thing even without your presence,

There is no longer an essence of yesterday's love)

No, 
aunque me juraras que mucho has cambiado; 
para mi lo nuestro ya está terminado; 
no me pidas nunca que vuelva...
que vuelva jamás.
(No,

Even if you swore to me that you've changed a lot,

For me, our "thing" is over,

Don't ever ask me to return...

to EVER return)

Just does not feel the same in English. But never mind that shit, I fucking LOVE how Alejandro stresses the word "ayer," aka "yesterday." Chills, baby, CHILLS!

I'm hitting the Spanish songs hella hard.
English classics are capable of reaching me, but... often times it's hit-or-miss with them.
Spanish lyrics just know how to deliver the KO punch.

Agustin Lara, Jose Alfredo Jimenez, even Juan Gabriel are a few example of composers who had/have extraordinary talent as far as eloquently expressing themselves is concerned.
Then you find people like Alejandro Fernandez, Vicente Fernandez, Michael Bublé, and even Andrea Bocelli covering the songs... and Jesus, is that some powerful stuff.

And just... spoken Spanish words versus English words. Spanish fluidity versus English flow.
Like:
Dejame vs. Let Me/allow me (the convenience of a single word, guys... it's not so... jolty)
Despojar vs. Despoil/strip (well that's just ugly. Spanish makes it sound so fucking sexy. "Dejame despojarte de todo lo demas..." vs "Let me despoil/strip you of everything..." Yeah, no bro, get away from me, creep!)
Estío/verano vs. Summer ("Summer" sounds so fucking pedestrian compared to "estío"... I mean, just SAY the two fucking words. Come on now. Whisper those words into someone's ear and get back to me on which one sends shivers down that person's spine. You're welcome)
Ausencia vs. Absence (One more syllable in Spanish... but it comes back to the sounds coming out of your trap. I choose Spanish)
Jamás vs. Never (Same case)
Adios amor vs. Goodbye, my love (fuck, enough syllables there, English? Bitch is around the fucking bend after the first two)
Desprecio vs. Contempt (as far as lyrics go, "desprecio" works a lot better, trust me on this)
Dulzura vs. Sweetness (sayyyyy it!)
Parranda vs. Night of harcore partying and drinking (where's the fucking English equivalent? Exactly.)

Now excuse me, I have more songs about drunk pigeons and magical aloe vera to listen to.

Invierno

Yo he visto en invierno volar avecillas, pidiéndole al cielo un rayo de luz. 
 La he visto más tarde cantar de alegría, cuando en el estío el sol alumbró. 

Terrible martirio es amar con locura sin estar convencido si me amas o no. 
He soñado mil veces que tu alma y la mía han ido formando un nido de amor. 
Yo he visto en tus ojos, querido amor mío, reflejarse un cariño que en mi alma nació. 
Pero duerme tranquila-- como duerme un niño que nunca en su pecho dolores sintió. 

Yo he visto a mi madre, a mi madre querida, llorar mi desgracia cual nadie lloró; 
Y un día, llorando me dijo, "Hijo mío, tan solo en la madre no es falso el amor."

I've seen that song with two different titles, I, however, only love one rendition of it: Invierno, sung by Alejandro Fernandez.
It is simple... but so full of truth and beauty.
And again, Spanish >>>>> English.

Music. Music helps so much.
Almost enough.

Cruzar los dedos

First of all, shout-out to Mooney, for the helpful hint in regards to my eye. I woke up fresh-faced... and even happy, after seeing my eyelid was back to normal. Hooray for eye-techs in the family!
This success only made me cheer the fuck up... and although I was still aggressive and shooting death-stares at some jackoffs at the gym, I was chirpy all other parts of the day.

Chirpiness is exhausting... so... I'm going to bed without much insightful bullshit... or existential drama... or straight up neurotic rants.

I'll just let one of my favorite lyricist, Gustavo Cerati, speak for me.

It would have been cool if the person responsible for this image wouldn't have misspelled Cerati's name.

God, I love that man... even if he is Argentinian. My heart hurts when I think of him.
Yo cruzaré los dedos.

A little bit of nothing

It's no secret I get most of my depressing songs form Native Minnow. He has an eye for songs I'd probably never find on my own.
He has a new mix posted on his blog, and once again, while I like all the songs on the list, I found one that got me immediately. The melody, the lyrics, everything:

Thanks for Nothing by Middle Brother (Just the title told me this song was going to be a winner. AND, I'm a middle child... so you know I sympathize with anything relating to middle kids)

I got off of the plane ok
Now I have a city to myself--
The strangers in the coffee shops, the sidewalks, and the way the evening smells.
But none of it distracts me in the ways that I had planned...
Or brings me back my smile like I was hoping.
Now there's a distance between me and the world that's offering its hand...
And I have you to thank for that, thanks for nothing.
(story of my motherfucking life RIGHT THERE. When I first heard this, I froze in place to listen, 'cause I could have sworn I wrote those words in my paper journal at some point)

It's probably raining off in London if it's snowing here in Nashville Tennessee.
Oh, I hope he's taking care of you, and showing you you're where you need to be.
But I don't want you to leave him once he gives himself away,
The way a match looks after it is done glowing. (This simile of the match squeezed my heart. It's fucking depressing!)
Oh, you don't know how it feels to think you'll never be the same...
And I have you to thank for that, thanks for nothing.
(the way his voice trails off at the end of this "thanks for nothin'" makes me frown and fight some tears, actually. His voice is SO SAD!)

Now the only girls I meet all look for hearts that they can fix,
But mine is more like a kid that has gone missing.
Now there's a pretty girl in front of me I know I won't let in.
And I have you to thank for that, thanks for nothing.
Oh, I have you to thank for that, thanks for nothing.

(Just imagine that "girls" is "boys" in my situation)


So yeah, I spent the day listening to the depressing mix... holding this song on repeat for a couple... dozen times.

Then I remembered I wanted to be happy... so I went ahead and began cooking for everyone.
As I pulled out some eggs, I remembered what day it is-- the first day of summer, aka Summer Solstice.
Thanks to being an obnoxious little girl who was WAY too fond of Nickelodeon, I remembered a little bit of knowledge "Stick" (DON'T act like you don't know what I'm talking about! "Write to me, Stick Stickly, P.O. Box 963, New York City, New York state, 10108") passed on to me-- today is one of two days of the year where you can make an egg sit "upright."

I killed an hour and a half fucking around with eggs. Even Mom joined me (Rafa didn't, because he couldn't do it... the impatient loser).

Started out easy... but I'm ambitious.
See all those eggs on the left? I was hellbent on getting ALL of them upright.

My masterpiece.
Science is wonderful.

And like that, my mood got chirpy again.
I love being a ten year old girl.

Sigo siendo niña

A little over 6 hours before I can freely express myself!
WOOOOOOOOOOOO!
No guys, you have no idea how BADLY I've wanted to do this.
These 40 days have felt like I've had a choke-chain around my neck... ready to be pulled the moment I drop an F-bomb or any of my other beloved words.

I'm in such a good mood, I'll share my new favorite song.
It helps that someone told me this song reminds them of me (not because they love me, but because they know certain lyrics turn me into a squealin' little girl).
Cute song... and a music video that makes me watery-eyed, because while I wasn't raised in an orphanage, the shenanigans these kids get into is TOTALLY what I'd do in Mexico... I still sort of do, when I find someone who doesn't mind getting dirty... which is the majority of my friends, because they're so awesome.

My Mexicanism at it's best:

And the lyrics get me all mushy and stupid... because they're terribly sweet, and what I think all "love" songs should sound like... because I'm so into nature, obviously:

Cuéntame qué escondes trás de tu mirada
dime en este instante lo que te haga falta.
Yo estaré contigo para protegerte,
quiero ser el ángel que cuide tu alma.
(after hearing that, I get a knot in my throat)
No dejes que nada borre tu sonrisa,
eres tú la niña que siempre he soñado.
por verte feliz cualquier cosa yo haría,
vivo finalmente de ti enamorado.
(I'm tearing up by this point, especially the bolded part. Anyone tells me that and I immediately cry. That is SO unbelievably sweet)
Tienes la fragancia de las flores del jardín,
todas las mañanas brilla el sol gracias a ti.
Hay tanta ternura dentro de tu corazón,
mas fue tu inocencia lo que a mi me cautivó.
(COMPLETELY and THOROUGHLY THAWED MY HEART! Those are THE BEST lyrics in the UNIVERSE! Sorry, it excites me a little too much)
Y cada día va creciendo más mi amor,
y es por ti que la tristeza para siempre se marchó.
Doy gracias al destino que te puso en mi camino
niña de mi corazón.
(AWWWWWWWW! Awwwwwww! I listen to this holding my breath... so I won't cry, duh)
Eres tan dulce como el agua de los ríos,
hoy gracias a tu sonrisa mi vida tiene sentido.
Mi amor, quiero decirte que desde que apareciste
despertaste mi ilusión, niña de mi corazón.
(Yup. Anyone who busts out the bolded sentence on me would absolutely, without a doubt, have me at his feet---shhh! don't share that with ANYONE. Sounds like something John Redcorn would say on King of the Hill... but ey, I LOVE IT!)


It helps that I think the band singer did a great job. Most of the time, banda singers anger me... because all they do is scream or "talk-sing." This guy tries... and his voice is pleasant to my ears.
That song... the freakin' ISH in this world.

Now excuse me while I go freeze back up again.
Freakin' song melts me faster than this Vegas heat melts my ice cream.

_______

Guess what!

_________________________

Yeah, but where?

_________________________

Yes! How'd you guess?!

_________________________

Sucks, right?!

_________________________


Kinda rough day today for little ol' AnoMALIE.
So much so, I don't feel like talking much.
Instead, I'll dedicate this song to my adopted sister Mooney, who had an even rougher day. She told me something that broke my heart, because I relate.

I too am tired of being alone, so please know I'll always keep you company.
When I'm bummed, this song--while heartbreaking-- makes me feel better... because it helps me get it all out. This bad boy is on repeat for days when I'm bummed. Maybe it'll work for you? It's Ben Folds... and we all know how cool that guy is :)
Feel better young lady!

And so, 
Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call form a friend.
The same. It's the same 
Why's it always the same?
Annie waits for the last time.
The clock
Never stops, never stops, never waits.
She's growing old. It's getting late.
And so, he forgot, he forgot... maybe not?
Maybe he's been seriously hurt?
Would that be worse?
Headlights crest the hill.
Shadows pass her by and out of sight.
Annie sees in dreams
Friday bingo, pigeons in the park.
Annie waits for the last time.
Just the same as the last time.
Annie says:
"You see? This is why I'd rather be alone..."
And so, Annie waits, Annie waits, Annie waits
For a call from a friend.
The same. It's the same. Why's it always the same?
Annie waits as the last
Headlights crest the hill.
Who will be the one forever more?
Annie, I could be...
If we're both still lonely when we're old.
Annie waits for the last time.
Just the same as the last time.
Annie waits for the last time.
Just the same as the last time.
Annie waits
But not for me.

Apoco no es allegadora la canción? Makes me cry... or at least frown, every time... especially the bold parts (it's like this guy read my diary for inspiration).
Once I don't cry, I know I'm ok.

Love you, primiux!

Regulators

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon
Warren G was on the streets, trying to consume
Some skirts for the eve, so I can get some funk
Just rollin' in my ride, chillin' all alone
Just hit the eats side of the LBC
On a mission trying to find Mr. Warren G
Seen a car full of girls ain't no need to tweak
All you skirts know what's up with 213
So I hooks a left on the two one to Lewis
Some brothers shootin' dice so I said, "Let's do this"
I jumped out the ride, and said, "What's up?"
Some brothers pulled some gats so I said, "I'm stuck"
Since these girls peepin' me I'm glide and swerve
These hookers lookin' so hard they straight hit the curb
Gonna think of better things than some horny tricks
I see my homey and some suckers all in his mix
I'm gettin' jacked, I'm breakin' myself
I can't believe they're taking Warren's wealth
They took my rings, they took my Rolex
I looked at the brothers and said, "Damn, what's next?"
They got my homey hemmed up and they all around
Ain't none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound
They gonna come up real quick before they start to clown
I best pull out my strap and lay them busters down
They got guns to my head I think I'm going down
I can't believe this happened in my home town
If I had wings I could fly let me contemplate
I glanced in the cut and I see my homey Nate

Sixteen in the clip and one in the hole
Nate Dogg is about to make some bodies turn cold
now they droppin and yellin
it's a tad bit late
Nate Dogg and Warren G had to regulate
I laid all them busters down
I let my gat explode
now I'm switching my mind back into freak mode
if you want skirts sit back and observe
I just left a gang of those over there on the curb
Now Nate got the freaks
and that's a known fact
before I got jacked I was on the same track
back up back up cause it's on
N A T E and me
the Warren to the G
Just like I thought
they were in the same spot
in need of some desperate help
the Nate Dogg and the G-child
were in need of something else
one of them dames was sexy as hell
I said "ooo I like your size."
she said "my car's broke down and you seem real nice,
would ya let me ride?"
I got a car full of girls and it's going real swell
the next stop is the Eastside Motel
I'm tweaking
into a whole new era
G-Funk
step to this
I dare ya
Funk
on a whole new level
the rhythm is the bass and the bass is the treble
Chords
Strings
We brings
Melody
G-Funk
where rhythm is life
and life is rhythm
If you know like I know
you don't wanna step to this
It's the G-Funk era
funked out with a gangsta twist
if you smoke like I smoke
then you high like everyday
and if your ass is a buster
213 will regulate

That was the first rap I ever learned. I was nine.
This single was also Rafa's first purchase, and we spent that night listening to it on repeat until we had it memorized. We were so excited, we decided we'd perform it for seven year old D.
Rafa was Nate Dogg, I was the more soprano-ish Warren G ("I'm gettin' jacked! I'm breakin' myself! I can't believe... they're takin' Warren's wealth!" To this day, I'll act that part out). D fell asleep before we were done, despite our Academy-award-worthy acting-out of the song.
Good times.

In my heart, Nate Dogg, in my heart.

Preservatives

Today's:

Secrets are playing a role in your romantic affairs, Pisces, but this time the secrets are yours, aren't they? The issue that has been leaving you perplexed and upset with love has been coming from within, and so you will never move forward until you nip these things in the bud. It may be that an honest conversation with the person involved is required, and if you think this will lead to a loss of some sort, consider how things are being left as they are without this conversation. You are clearly not moving forward with the person that you wish to be doing so, and this is because you have not had as much honesty on the table as you should. In this case, honesty is scary for you, but so long as you remember that this person is more understanding and forgiving than you think, you will sail through this talk easier than you think. They are waiting for just a smile, and if you can accomplish that, everything else will work itself out very positively for you.

Yesterday's:

Things with love for you Pisces have not exactly been coming up roses lately, have they? This however is a period of discovery for you, and you may find these issues change if you make the right action choices to do so. It is possible that something that has been lost or hidden will come to light for you, and you may find some secrets or long buried feelings to contend with today. In fact do not be surprised if some of these buried feelings are your own, and if you are discovering this during this period, it may be time to take those feelings out and do something with them. Whatever you engage yourself in during this period, your intensity and drive will be high. These feelings are intense enough to be the real thing, so why not harness some of your infamous drive and energy, and put that into your romantic affairs for a change? You will be surprised quite pleasantly to discover that someone has been waiting for you to do just that.

I'm not much of a bluffer with my poker game. I stick to sharking. I calmly wait for someone to try to bluff me... and I pounce.
I learned this because the rare times I do bluff, someone always calls it... then I'm shit out of luck and broke.

It's not that I lie... I just... well, I guess it's technically lying by omission.
I could have had pocket aces and folded to a possible flush... or I could have had 7-2 off-suit, and it was all just an easy fold. You'll never know. I'll never tell.
Risk vs. Reward... and I'll only take the risk if the odds are with me.
Well... that's only the majority of the time...
There will be days when I'm being a dick, I'll play reckless like an asshole, and lose it all in one or two hands.

If I quit playing poker with my love-life, maybe what you say could be true, astrology.com.
But the risk is never worth taking.
That doesn't mean I haven't taken risks... it's just that the odds work against me. Every time. And I'm left wanting to just auto-post blinds, leave the table, and automatically fold to any raise. Y me quedo sin nada.
I'll try and shark when I think I have the game beat with a flush-- ace high, but someone busts out the straight flush.... with 7-2 off-suit, deuce being the winning suit... and I lose it all.
Broke and disillusioned.

So... you'll never be able to convince me otherwise, astrology.com. I refuse to open up... in any sense of the word. It's never worth it.
No one is waiting for my "conversation," so just shut the fuck up.

*****

I concentrate on empty spaces,
A passive pondering of blankness.
Sit down, shut up, controlled obsessions.
Your absence, it exhausts me.
...
I can't control my feelings.
I sip on dreams and choke on real things.
Detach myself for preservation.
I struggle to not want you.


I always panic when I'm left.
Is it healthy that we met?
If you stop coming, will I forget?
I always panic.


Today is going to be simple,
Today 'cause you're not around.
My heart will pound lazy,
No one to impress,
No smile is required
Today 'cause you're not around.
Today you won't be around.

*****

She asked how we are...
She asked If I was all weird again.
And of course I am,
But I'm trying really hard,
So I lied to her.
And I was wearing this prisoner face
So deep inside, she had to know:
Once again I've lost control.


For everything, there is a reason.
Everything, I hope in time, will come.


Lying in your bed,
I am a refugee you try to love.
But the love that he killed
Keeps coming back and haunting me.
Am I wasting all of your time
And all my cute days on regrets?
Is it healthy that we met?
...
Is it wrong holding on too much
To my best friend, my faded lover?
Who knows?


Cinderella Hope
And it's all because he made me laugh.
Coincidence or fate,
Running towards a catastrophe...
Save me.

*****

What some bullshit on an astrology page does to me...
Why couldn't I have been a cold-hearted Virgo? Fuck.

wah, wah, wah. Sad again.

El problema no fue hallarte,
El problema es olvidarte.
El problema no es tu ausencia,
El problema es que te espero.
El problema no es problema,
El problema es que me duele.
El problema no es que mientas,
El problema es que te creo.

(the problem wasn't finding you, the problem is forgetting you. The problem isn't your absence, the problem is that I wait for you. The problem isn't the problem, the problem is that it hurts me. The problem isn't that you lie, the problem is that I believe you)

El problema no es que juegues,
El problema es que es conmigo.
Si me gustaste por ser libre,
Quién soy yo para cambiarte?
Si me quedé queriendo solo,
Cómo hacer para obligarte?
El problema no es quererte,
Es que tú no sientas lo mismo.

(The problem isn't that you play, the problem is that it's with me. If I liked you for being free, who am I to change you? If I was left loving alone, how can I make attempts to force you? The problem is not liking you, it's that you don't feel the same)

Y cómo deshacerme de ti si no te tengo?
Cómo alejarme de ti si estás tan lejos?
Cómo encontrarle una pestaña
A lo que nunca tuvo ojos?
Cómo encontrarle plataformas
A lo que siempre fue un barranco?
Cómo encontrar en la alacena
Los besos que no me diste?
(And how can I get rid of you if I don't have you? How can I distance myself if you're so far? How can I find an eyelash on something that never had eyes? How can I find platforms on something that was always a ravine? How can I look in the cupboard for the kisses you never gave me?)

Y cómo deshacerme de ti si no te tengo?
Cómo alejarme de ti si estas tan lejos?
Y es que el problema no es cambiarte,
El problema es que no quiero.

(And how can I get rid of you if I don't have you? How can I distance myself if you're so far? And the problem isn't changing you, the problem is that I don't want to)

El problema no es que duela,
El problema es que me gusta.
El problema no es el daño,
El problema son las huellas.
El problema no es lo que haces,
El problema es que lo olvido.
El problema no es que digas,
El problema es lo que callas.

(The issue isn't that it hurts, the problem's that I like it. The issue isn't the damage, the problem is the trace it leaves behind. The issue isn't what you do, the problem is that I forget it. The issue isn't what you say, the problem is what you hold back)

This is mighty therapeutic. And so true in my case.

Jesus... I need to get back to school. It helps me get a life where I don't give a flying fuck about the bullshit that is "romantic" relationships. 

Romance... ha. Petty shit that only gets in the way of living a productive life. At least, it seems to hold true in my case.

WHY DID I EVER STRAY FROM THE MEDICAL SCHOOL PATH?!

Para Llorar, fifth and final volume!

In honor of it being Friday, here is my final (yeah!) installment of my
List of SAD Spanish Songs

Te Voy A Perder – Alejandro Fernández
"No, no te vayas, aun quedan palabras... mil frases del alma y entre ellas no estaba el adiós… espera, por dios."
"Falta besarte más, acariciarte, además de mil cosas que no son hermosas sin ti. No te puedes ir."
(Don't get the color scheme? You will... [think of T.G.I.F.'s marquee] anyway, this guy is telling the girl that she can't leave him because there so much left to do. It's a lovely, pleading song. And Alejandro makes me sigh.)

*Tengo Ganas – Alejandro Fernández
"Tengo ganas de acostarme con la fe de tu mirada. Y que el tiempo se detenga si es que me haces el amor. Tengo gangas de esperarte por el parque una mañana. Tengo ganas de atender a tu mas dulce petición."
"Tengo gangas de inventarle un mandamiento a mis pecados… tengo ganas de ser libre amarrándome a tus pies."
"Tengo ganas de entenderte cuando nadie te hace caso y nadie te acompaña. Tengo ganas de que te des cuenta que este amor secreto es solo para ti."
"Tengo ganas de que tengas ganas de tenerme a mi."
(Yet again, Alejandro Fernandez. In this case, he's singing about unrequited love. He wants her to want him like he wants her... if that makes sense. He says it sweetly... and that makes me sad. Who wouldn't want him?!)

**Tragos Amargos – Ramon Ayala
"Clavado en este rincón, como tu clavaste a mi corazón. Estos tragos que tomo yo, son pura tristeza, y son mi dolor."
"Te fuiste no se porque… yo se que me querías, y se que me adorabas… por si acaso quieres regresar, te voy a esperar."
"Tragos de amargo licor, que no me hacen olvidar. Y me siento como un cobarde, que hasta me pongo a llorar."
(Yeee-hawwwwww! If there's a scream in English equivalent to what this makes me feel, it's that. This guy is basically crying his ass off as he drinks in a cantina. Why is he drinking and crying in a cantina? 'cause his lady left him. He claims not to know why [hmm... maybe it was the drinking?] but says he'll sit and wait for her. Anthem for anyone who gets left by his/her significant other, and now all he/she is doing is drinking at a cantina... what? Americans don't do that? Damn, you're missing out.)

Tu Cárcel – Los Bukis (original) or Enanitos Verdes (pretty fucking rad)
"Te vas amor… si así lo quieres ¿que puedo yo hacer? Tu vanidad no te deja entender que en la pobreza se sabe querer."
"Quiero llorar y me destroza que pienses así, y mas que ahora me quede sin ti… me duele lo que tu vas a sufrir. Pero, recuerda, nadie es perfecto y tu lo veras. Mas de mil cosas mejores tendrás, pero cariño sincero- jamás."
"Vete olvidando de esto que hoy dejas y que cambiaras por la aventura, que tu ya veras, será tu cárcel y nunca saldrás."
(Love it with either group. It's about a dude who gets dumped by his chick for the most frivolous reason: money. He's poor, she wants more, so as she's leaving, he's telling her "Alright, do it. I feel sorry for you, since time will show that you may acquire thousands of things, but never true love. Forget about me, and everything you're leaving behind... for what you'll see will turn out to be the prison you'll never get out of!" Hell yeah, you tell that gold-digger, player!)

Un Desengaño - Intocable
"Un desengaño no es morir, sabrás, porque mi vida es toda tuya."
"Estoy contento, la verdad, con tu franqueza al explicar que llegue tarde a tu amor."
"La vida es corta y al final sabrás que si te quieren ya ganaste."
"Si tu cariño se acabo estoy tranquilo corazón, al fin que nunca comenzó."
"Ya de mi parte no hay rencores porque mi vida es toda tuya."
"Estoy consciente de lo que haces, pero mi vida es toda tuya."
(Song tries to cheer you up when you're bummed... but it just makes you more depressed. Story of a self-sacrificing guy who after a disillusion, tells the girl that he's cool as long as she is. He thanks her for letting him know he's too late to get her, because in the end, the relationship never took-off. And why will he be cool? Because regardless, he belongs to her. Gee, good advice for the rest of us disillusioned souls who aren't nearly as self-sacrificing, dude.)

**Usted Se Me Llevó La Vida – Alexandre Pires
"Usted se me llevó la vida, y el alma entera. Y se ha clavado aquí en mis huesos con esta angustia y esta pena. Usted no sabe que se siente perder. No sabe que se siente caer y caer en un abismo profundo y sin fe."
"Usted no sabe lo importante que fue. No sabe que su ausencia fue un trago de hiel que se ha quedado profundo en mi piel."
"Usted no sabe lo que es el amor, y el miedo que causa la desolación. Usted no sabe que daño causo, como a destrozado a este corazón que tan solo palpitaba con el sonido de su voz."
"Usted es fría, y su maldad le hiela el alma… usted lleno mi vida, toda de dolor."
(There was a time when I couldn't hear this song, because like "Que Lloro," I'd cry-- I mean, the song came in the footsteps of when I found out Altar Boy got that one slut pregnant. This Brazilian man's accent is fantastic. Anyway, another disillusioned person, telling the girl that she took his life [not to mention his dignity if he's going around crying everywhere] when she said goodbye. He accuses her of being a coldhearted... person. What makes me sad in this song, is how he refers to her in the proper "usted" form... as in, the form you use with strangers when speaking Spanish. So, technically, she's now a stranger to him... yeah... deep!)

Volveré Junto A Ti – Laura Pausini
"Volveré junto a ti, a pesar de mi orgullo. Volveré porque se que no puedo elegir. Recordando ahora días de otra latitud. Frecuentando sitios donde tú estarás. Repitiendo gestos y palabras que perdimos. Volveré junto a ti como cuando me fui."
"Tu dime si estas dispuesto a intentar de nuevo con migo un largo camino. Si aun eres tú, si ahora soy yo... como una canción sincera y nueva. Tu dime si esta, si puedo encontrar nuestro pasado en tu mirar."
"Volveré porque en ti, queda parte de mi. Al respirar el aire limpio de tranquilidad… al reencontrar tus manos fuertes otra vez… y no sentirme siempre frágil como ayer."
"Ya no puedo elegir, volveré junto a ti."
(Tsk-tsk-tsk! A girl with no self-respect! But why do I love it so much? She's telling the guy she's going to go back to him, disregarding her pride, because she's in no position to choose. I see this as the anthem of women who get beaten by their husbands... run away for a while, then come back "because of the kids." Pshh... sad song indeed)

Volverte a amar – Alejandra Guzmán
"Voy de prisa, siempre en contra de el reloj. Todo lo que viví nunca fue para mi y aunque duele aceptarlo, es así."
(Amen, sister!! "Everything that I lived, never was meant for me... and while it hurts to admit it, that's how it is." Oh yes... oh yes.)

*Vuelve – Ricky Martin
"Algo me dice que ya no volverás. Estoy seguro que esta vez no habrá marcha atrás. Después de todo fui yo a decirte que no. Sabes bien que no es cierto, estoy muriendo por dentro. Ahora es que me doy cuenta que sin ti no soy nada. Eh perdido las fuerzas, eh perdido las ganas. Eh intentado encontrarte en otras personas... no es igual, no es lo mismo, no separa un abismo."
"Vuelve, que sin ti la vida se me va. Vuelve, que me falta el aire si tu no estas. Vuelve, nadie ocupara tu lugar."
"Sobra tanto espacio si no estas, no paso un minuto sin pensar, sin ti la vida lentamente se me va."
"Algo me dice ya no sirve de nada tantas noches en vela aferrado a mi almohada. Si pudiera tan solo regresar un momento. Ahora es que te comprendo, ahora es cuando te pierdo."
(He's begging his girl [guy?] to come back, because he feels like he can't breathe, live without her. He realizes this all too late... she's gone. Boo! Not fair!)

**¿Y Como Es El? – José Luís Perales
"Mirándote a los ojos juraría que tienes algo nuevo que contarme. Empieza ya mujer, no tengas miedo… quizá para mañana sea tarde."
" ¿Y como es el? ¿En que lugar se enamoro de ti? ¿De donde es? ¿A que dedica el tiempo libre?"
"Pregúntale porque ha robado un trozo de mi vida. Es un ladrón que me ha robado todo."
"El te estará esperando para amarte, y yo estaré celoso de perderte."
"Sonríete, que no sospeche que haz llorado, y déjame."
(Without one knowing the true reason the songwriter composed this, one would assume it's about a woman leaving her lover... and how he doesn't protest, just tells her it's cool because she's going to be happy. He just asks her a couple of questions regarding this new man: How is he? Where did he fall in love with you? Where's is he from? What does he do in his free-time? Ask him why he's stolen a piece of my life... he's a thief who has stolen everything of mine." She cries during this meeting, and he tells her to wipe her face so her now-boyfriend doesn't suspect she cried. Awww! Right? What a great ex-boyfriend! So damn altruistic! Well, this song is actually about a man and his daughter. His reaction to her telling him she's getting married! That right there, brings tears to my eyes. So fucking cute and sad! I'm glad I don't have kids.)

And here's a bonus:
Yo No Nací Para Amar – Juan Gabriel
(This song is probably the saddest EVER created... EVER. I relate... especially with the Nydia Rojas version... it's kinda... the story of my life... especially now that a good number of girls I grew up with are getting married and/or having babies. Not cool.)

I hope no person ever asks me to give them sad song titles...
This was exhausting... and it left me feeling so bummed out.

Para Llorar, Vol. 4

In honor of getting thoroughly "checked out" by a high school "thug" (Chase and I referred to him as BLAsian for the rest of the day... I bet you can't guess why) while having a nice "Buffalo Wild Wings catch up" lunch with my buddy Chase, I give you Part 4 of my
List of SAD Spanish Songs
(You know the drill)

Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti – Christina Aguilera
"Ahora que ya mi vida se encuentra normal… que tengo en casa quien sueña con verme llegar. Ahora puedo decir que me encuentro de pie, ahora que me va muy bien."
"Ahora que con el tiempo logre superar aquel amor que por poco me llega a matar. Ahora ya no hay más dolor. Ahora vuelvo a ser yo… pero me acuerdo de ti, y otra vez pierdo la calma. Pero me acuerdo de ti y se me desgarra el alma. Pero me acuerdo de ti y se borra mi sonrisa. Pero me acuerdo de ti y mi mundo se hace trisas."
"Ahora que mi futuro comienza a brillar… ahora que me han devuelto la seguridad. Ahora ya no hay mas dolor, ahora al fin vuelvo a ser yo… pero me acuerdo de ti."
(I chose blue and "gold" because those were my high school colors. I know, I'm witty, no need to say it. Haha, maybe I should add "modest" to that list. Anyway, on with the song: I love it, because once again, I'm like this. I take a LONG time to get over a guy... and I mean LONNNNNNG time. I tend to be ok after a while, but of course, out of the blue, I'll remember the douche bag and get all upset. That's what this song's about. The chick FINALLY has her shit straight, everything's going fine and dandy in life, but BAM! She suddenly thinks/remembers her ex and everything comes crashing down. Woe. Is. Me.)

*Que Hago Yo - Ha*Ash
"Entraste como un rayo de luz, como un aire encantador. Liberaste con tu hechizo a mi recluso corazón. Tu dulzura corrió por mis venas, creí en tu intención. No pensé que era una mentira, o un engaño, tu amor."
"Se muy bien que harás en sus brazos, pero dime, ¿que hago yo?"
"¿Que hago con mis labios?, si me ruegan tus besos. ¿Que hago con mis manos? cuando suplican tu regreso. ¿Que hago con mis noches? ¿Que hago con mis días? ¿Que hago con tu esencia?, que se aferra a la mía. Dime que hago yo."
(This song always manages to bum me out. It's about a girl, who is seeing a guy who is taken... she knows it and all... she kind of got into it knowing he was taken, but now, she's left to wonder "WTF do I do with all this? I love you..." so basically, she can't handle it anymore... and she's bummed. Makes me feel for the poor girl [that last lyric I have on there always saddens me. "What do I do with my lips, if they beg for your kisses? What do I do with my hands, when they plead for your return? What do I do with my nights, my days? What do I do with your essence, which grasps onto mine?"]. Also, the girls who sing this have awesome vocal ranges... their mom taught them to yodel as kids, so it's never a waste of time to listen to them)

***Que Lloro – Sin Bandera
"Quédate un momento así, no mires hacia a mi que no podré aguantar si clavas tu mirada que me hiela el cuerpo; me a pasado antes, que no puedo hablar."
"Tal vez pienses que estoy loco, y es verdad un poco, tengo que aceptar. Pero si no te explico lo que siento dentro no vas a entender cuando me veas llorar."
"Nunca me sentí tan solo como cuando ayer de pronto lo entendí mientras callabas. La vida me dijo a gritos que nunca te tuve, y nunca te perdí… y me explicaba que el amor es una cosa que se da de pronto en forma natural lleno de fuego. Si lo forzas se marchita, sin tener principio llega su final."
"Ahora tal vez lo puedas entender que si me tocas se quema mi piel. Ahora tal vez lo puedas entender, y no te vuelvas si no quieres ver que lloro por ti. Que lloro sin ti. Que ya lo entendí, que no eres para mi… y lloro."
(Whoooa! This song is in my ALL TIME top 3. It has had the most special meaning to me since May 6th, 2004. I was lame enough to cry with it each time I heard it on the radio... to the point where I'd have to switch stations if it ever started to play. The meaning of the song? The guy finally understands that the chick he's loved since... pshh, I don't know, ever? Well, that she isn't meant for him. Just... the lyrics in Spanish... they... ughh, they sting. Nunca me senti tan solo como cuando ayer de pronto lo entendi mientras callabas?? God! That is so fucking true! Anyway, so the guy is getting the courage to finally tell the girl "Leave now, and don't turn back, 'cause you'll see me crying if you do," even at one point telling her to not even look at him as he talks, because that just makes him freeze up. SAD stuff.)

Rió Rebelde – Julio Iglesias
"Tire tu pañuelo al rió para mirarlo como se hundía. Era el último recuerdo de tu cariño que yo tenia. Se fue hiendo despacito, como tu amor, pero el rió hundía. A la playa al fin me lo volverá, pero yo se bien que nunca jamas podré ser feliz sin tus alegrías."
"Te recordare en mi soledad, en el nido aquel que quedo sin luz cuando comprendí que ya no eras mía."
(What's this?! Julio Iglesias makes it in my top list again? Well, yes. Anyway, yet again! A man realizes that the girl he was with is no longer his! I find it romantic and sort of crushing, since it paints a lovely scene in my head. He's sitting at the edge of a river, and he throws a handkerchief in the "wild" river... it's the last keepsake of the girl which still remains in his possession. He then sits there and watches as it sinks in the water... sinking like her love for him ::sad face::. I guess I probably find this sadder than regular folks since I tend to do that kind of shit when in Mexico... I'll sit by the endge of the river and throw sticks/stones... whatever... into it. I just love doing that kind of stuff whenever I'm upset. Just walk to the river... relax... and ponder things while seeing the water flow right on by. I'm sure if I ever took anything with me that belonged to an ex, I'd probably chuck it in the river as well... then stare at it as it sinks... with a tear slowly running down my very disillusioned face. Ha.)

Si La Ves – Franco De Vita
"Dile que yo estoy muy bien (aunque yo se muy bien que no), que nunca eh estado mejor (miente un poco, a mi favor). Si piensa que tal vez me muero porque ya no esta, ¡que va! Dile que al final de todo (no sigas ya mintiendo), se lo voy agradecer… aunque pensándolo bien, mejor dile que ya no me vez. Que me eh perdido y que no voy a regresar. Y dile también, que aunque me llame no contestare… si la vez."
"Si la vez dile que ya no espero su llamada y que ya no me despierto en plena madrugada. Y que ya no la recuerdo y que ya no me hace falta. Dile que ya estoy curado, que lo nuestro ya es pasado."
(This one makes me sad because the poor guy... well... he's freaking lying. He's telling his buddy, who is still cool with his ex-girlfriend, that next time he sees her to tell her he's doing fantastic--never better, that he no longer thinks of her, he doesn't wait for her call at night anymore, that she's coo-coo if she thinks he's going to die without her... etc. Then he takes it all back and tells his buddy "You know what, just tell her you don't see me anymore... that I'm lost... you know... only if you see her." That's a man for you. Good boy!)

**Si No Te Hubieras Ido – Marco Antonio Solís
"Te extraño mas que nunca y no se que hacer. Despierto y te recuerdo al amanecer."
"Espera otro día por vivir sin ti. El espejo no miente, me veo tan diferente… me haces falta tu."
"La gente pasa y pasa siempre tan igual. El ritmo de la vida me parece mal. Era tan diferente cuando estabas tú. Si que era diferente cuando estabas tu."
"No hay nada más difícil que vivir sin ti. Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar. El frió de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti, y no se donde estas. Si no te hubieras ido seria tan feliz."
(There's a reason they used this song on "Y Tu Mama Tambien." It's freaking great! But thanks to that movie, each time I hear this song, I can't help but think of Diego Luna, Gael Garcia-Bernal, and that one chick dancing together. Ok, the meaning of the song: A guy is lamenting over how crappy life is without his girl. He mentions how everything seems so off-beat to him now, and how life is so difficult to live without her there by his side to make him happy. Pobre amigo.)

**Siempre Hace Frió - Selena
"Este corazón, que aun te quiere, ya esta muriendo tarde con tarde, como se muere la luz del día."
"Ya no puedo mas, tú me haces falta. Vuelve conmigo, alma de mi alma, vidita mía.”
"¿Adonde estas? ¿Adonde estas? Mátame cielo, trágame tierra, quiero morirme si no vuelve mas."
"Ya podrás tener el mundo entero... y entre tus manos toda la dicha y otro cariño mejor que el mió... pero ya veras que todo acaba. Y al verte solo como hoy me siento, siempre hace frió."
(Yey! Selena made it on my list! This song I could SO get twizzted to! Anyone, really, it's a Ranchera! Those always make people want to drink and cry along to the song. Anyway, the title says it all "It's always cold." In this case, it's a girl completely disillusioned with... life. Sure, she got like that thanks to heartbreak, but she does mention in the end that you can have it all-- a love better than hers, all the money in the world-- but in the end, everything ends... you'll be left alone in the cold. All because a girl's love was unrequited. Pitty. Selena's voice in this track, though, is MOST DEF not a pitty! She makes it so damn worth it!)

***Siempre Me Quedara – Bebe
" ¿Como decir que me partes en mi las esquinitas de mis huesos? Que han caído las esquemas de mi vida, ahora que todo era perfecto… y algo mas que eso, me sorbiste el ceso y me desciende el peso de este cuerpecito mió que se ha convertido en rió."
"Me cuesta abrir los ojos, y lo hago poco a poco, no sea que aun te encuentres cerca. Me guardo tu recuerdo como el mejor secreto, que dulce fue tenerte dentro. Hay un trozo de luz en esta oscuridad para prestarme calma. El tiempo todo calma, la tempestad y la calma."
"Siempre me quedara la voz suave del mar, volver a respirar, la lluvia que caerá sobre este cuerpo y mojara la flor que crece en mí… y volver a reír. Y cada día un instante volver a pensar en ti."
(Dagger tot he heart. This is my go-to song if I ever want to get depressed. Her voice just... it makes me cry. The point of the song is that, unlike previous songs, the memory of the guy makes the girl happy. The memory of having him once in her life will always remain with her, and that, my friends, makes her happy. I'll admit it... I do think like this sometimes)

*Tal Vez - Ricky Martin
"Tal vez será que esta historia ya tiene final. No se porque, hoy te siento tan distante de mi. Y a pesar que lo intento de nuevo, tal vez llegue tarde, ya no hay nada que hacer. Y no puedo creer que el tiempo que hemos tenido tal vez se nos gasto."
"Tal vez fui yo quien no te dio una noche entera. Nunca te he dado todo lo que esperabas, y no estaba cuando me necesitabas… tal vez no te escuche, tal vez te descuide… tal vez se me olvido que yo te amaba… tal vez."
"Y yo por mi parte propongo intentarlo de nuevo… volver a empezar. Que por mas que lo pienso no encuentro una sola razón para seguir sin ti."
(Literal title translation: "Perhaps." Guy's telling his girl "Yo... ok, perhaps it was my fault. Perhaps I didn't give you an entire night. Perhaps I never gave you what you wanted... and I wasn't there when you needed me... perhaps I didn't listen to you... perhaps I didn't take care of you... perhaps I forgot that I loved you... but hey, we can try again! 'cause baby, I can't find a reason to be without you." Yeah... and perhaps Ricky Martin is gay. [NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! That right there is the sound of my little heart breaking. I love you, Ricky Martin, gay or straight... or bi!])

Te Llame – Cristian Castro
"Te llame porque no aguanto mi tristeza y no puedo soportar tanto dolor… porque nadie va borrar toda la huella que dejaste con tu amor."
"Te llame porque la vida es una sola… y en la mía esta faltando tu calor."
(You know that one person who would always fucking call you to say the stupidest shit like "Baby, I love you." or "Hi. What are you doing?" Well, this guy broke up with his chick and he can't break the habit. He calls her to let her know that he can't get over her... that he misses her... and that you only live life once, and she's missing in his. How cute. Although, if it were my case, I'd probably reply with "How many fucking times have I told you not to call me at this fucking time of the day?! And to say that shit? Fuck you, go to bed!" And maybe that's why I'm destined to become a spinster)

This is probably the second to last post regarding this topic... then, NEVER again (not that I hate it or anything, but it's so time consuming to come up with such a long list! Although, today's choices were full of great songs that make me smile bitterly to myself)!

Now, if you don't mind, I must go away and sulk...
Why didn't high school boys check me out when I was in high school?!