Wednesday, February 25, 2009

colorful language

So, yet another Ash Wednesday has come...
and I have given something up once again.

No, I didn't give up sex, drugs, or rock n'roll...

I kept it even more difficult:
No cussing.

Again... for the... 12th?13th?14th?15th??? year in a row.

I already said "F*%&ing!!" and a few colorful words in Spanish... all this before noon...
but still...
I'd say I'm doing pretty good.

Here's to 40+ days of talking like Ned Flanders!

Monday, February 23, 2009

It's green...

1. Celery
2. Broccoli
3. Parsley
4. Green Apple
5. Cactus.
6. A little bit of OJ


Am I crazy for liking this shit?

Friday, February 20, 2009

You can't catch me...

(Driving around San Francisco, totally lost, but I'm still enjoying the architecture)

Me: Dude! Those homes are so freakin' cute!
MGH: You love San Francisco because your future husband lives here...
Me: ... (internally) wtf? (spoken) How? I thought all the guys here were gay...

Commitophobe? Maybe just a little....

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Fishy Valentine

How's this for a DWEEB:

(Valtentine's day, eating breakfast)
MGH: So... what should we do today... ?
MGH: ... o... k...

Once I was at the aquarium, and saw him walking around BORED out of his fucking mind, I realized "AHHHH! It's Valentine's Day!.... and I'm making him stare at fish all day... How fucking stupid can I get?"

Whatever... I had fun.
(Then Karma got me back while bowling later that night. Stupid ass bowling ball with a jagged thumb hole... it cut the shit out of my thumb and broke my nail... piece of shit)

Monday, February 9, 2009


Saturday morning was miserable.
Sure, I love rainy days... but mostly when I'm in the comfort of some sort of heated building.
That being said, here's how STUPID I can be:

My sis purchased Kat Von D's book when it came out in January... two of them, actually.
Since she was born a twin (ok, she wasn't... but we strongly feel she has Vanishing Twin Syndrome, especially since Mom was originally told she was carrying twins during her pregnancy with TravelinDin), she can't do a lot of things by herself... she NEEDS someone by her side.

TravelinDin: Umm... would you mind coming with me to get Katrina's book signed?
Me: Oh, that's who the second book is for?
TravelinDin: Yeah... and the book-signing rules say I can only get one personalized thing from Kat.
Me: .... hmmm... surrrrre....
TravelinDin: Thanks!
Me: But... just watch that day be shitty and rainy... that would suck...

[I should know by now that I should keep my stupid mouth shut... I should get paid for jinxing myself so much]

So here comes Saturday, and its raining buckets outside.
We leave for the 2 PM book signing a little past 12:20 PM with nothing to protect us from the rain but our hoodies.
When we got to the bookstore, we saw the line went all around the building, with not a damn thing to protect us from the elements... but oh, we got to be right in front of the door where Kat Von D was going to be entering the building! Lucky us...

To kill it, there were dumb short females behind me, holding their stupid umbrellas that would pour a waterfall on my sweater... or poke me in the head every three minutes.
I don't know how I managed to be calm and composed for so long... when I really wanted to gouge their eyes out with those bastard umbrellas.

So... we stood in the rain... umbrella-less... with pendejas constantly getting us wet as they chatted away about fucking dumb shit like "OMG... like, I'm training for a marathon... and you would never guess how hard it is!"
Shut the fuck up and keep of me, dumb fuck.

Anyway, at 3 PM I finally get inside the damn building and try to... dry off somehow.
I would grab any part of my sweater and squeeze water out...
My hands were freezing... even purple in parts...
The ass part of my pants was completely soaked (see: dumb cunts with the umbrellas pouring waterfalls onto yours truly)...
and I was shivering, almost uncontrollably.

But FINALLY! I see Kat and Jeff (his name slips my mind... but he's this awesome, eccentric dude that's traveling with Kat, signing the book as well, since he has a part dedicated to him).
I hand my book with the post-it note that reads "Katrina" to the dude standing next to Kat as my sis is getting her book signed.
Kat's apologizing to my sis for 1. making us stand in the rain for so long, and 2. Taking a tiny break in the middle of jotting her name down because she just saw her dad standing next to me (He was saying "That's so cool, Kat... that's so awesome Kat" in a cute little Spanish accent. I turned around to see him because I thought "Dude, what's the deal with this guy?" Only to see Kat look up and scream "YOU GUYS! THIS IS MY DADDY!").
Anyway, after that exchange of love, I was up next.
I stood in front of her, amazed by Jeff's hot-pink eyebrows... and only noticed Kat stretching her hand to shake mine after Jeff's eyebrows moved.

Me: (internally) Wow! those are a shitload of!shehassomeverysofthands!!
Kat: Hehe... wow, cool! Do a lot of people call you Kat?
Me: (internally) what?... oh.. umm... fuck... umm... should I say the tru(spoken)... yeah!
Kat: Awesome! That is so cool!
Me: (internally, at Jeff) those are some fucking awesome eyebrows... I love your eyebrows, Jeff... you have beautiful eyebrows!
Kat: There you go, Kat, thanks!
Me: thank you.


I walked out of there totally confused... not even noticing the lady waving the temporary star tattoo in my face... compliments of Kat Von D for Sephora.

So... to sum it all up:
-I stood in the rain for hours, getting completely soaked by dipshit females behind me and their stupid, ugly umbrellas.
-The book I got signed WAS NOT for me.
-I was called by a different name... and acted like it really was mine.
-I didn't talk much to the coolest female alive--aside from Gwen Stefani, of course-- Kat von D, only uttering monosyllabic words.
-I looked like a wet dog when meeting the coolest female alive... and the man with the coolest eyebrows.

I practically get pneumonia in order to do all this... I have a flight to catch on Thursday (oh yeah, I'm doing the bay again from Thursday until Tuesday... I have a problem, I know)...
and this is how I know that: