Sunday, August 31, 2008

AIM, what?

Recently, I've started to neglect a shitload of things.

But don't blame me...

Blame Windows Live Messenger!!

(that shit is so fun! I never knew I liked talking so much. Plus... it connects me with MGH AND my godson... and we have FREE--imagine that-- conversations. I get to help Godson study biochem, histology, and embryology... while he gets to listen to me complain [and even cheer me up] about my friendship-challenged life ... it all works out)

God, I love the internet sometimes!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Now that's just gross!

Ever since we got back from Mexico... my parents have been very... lovey-dovey, to say the least.

I've seen some things recently that... ew... make me... unable to hold hands with people... that's how traumatized I am (you try and act like everything is fine after finding condoms all over your house/car/hotel room etc... gahhhh).

Last night, when I returned from sweating my ass off (I'm finally getting back into the swing of things at the gym... unlike the first time I went last week, when I had to leave earlier than expected, because I had to barf), Travelindin was laughing her little mock laugh and calling my name out.

Travelindin: Want to hear the most ridiculous news EVER?!
Me: Umm... what? ::lean back, like a dog that sees his owner holding a rolled-up newspaper:: What's going on?? (I've had it with "guessing" and getting "news." I've had enough of that shit! It freaks me out now each time someone has some sort of "news flash" for me. I'm now on the defensive when I hear "Hey, guess what!" or anything of that style)
Travelindin: Mom and Dad are going on a "romantic getaway" in September for a week!!! AHAHAHA!
Me: ... so... ??
Travelindin: Isn't that fucking ridiculous?! What are THEY going to do on a cruise?!
Me: (internally) Don't ask me that question... the answer grosses me the fuck out... I just barfed last week... no need in repeating that episode. (spoken) ... they're going to leave us alone for that week... correct?
Travelindin: Yeah...
Me: So... I can bring whoever I want to the house... or better yet... I can leave the house for that week and not be back until they are...
::Mom looks irritated with my realization::
Travelindin: HEY, JACKASS! You can't leave me alone!!!

Ah yes... finally... this whole "not going to school or getting a job" thing is paying off!
(I can't decide... party at my house... or me leaving to California for a week... decisions, decisions...)

... now I better not go off and hear "You're going to be a big sis again!!" in three months worth... fuck that shit.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


If I see one more "Back to School" commercial, I'm gonna cut somebody...

Ok... I only say that because....

I MISS SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I hate myself for admitting it)

Monday, August 25, 2008

Ripping out my heart

Here's attempt number 5 at writing this post... who knows if it'll stay up... because each time I start a post... I get worked up... leading to me deleting the post because it's just too damn mean.
Here we go:

My world sort of fell apart on Thursday morning.
It had started to crumble after that nasty fight I had with the chicks (my "friends" I so believed, but now that I think about it, real friends wouldn't do a tenth of the bad shit they did) back on the 6th of this month... although by the 1st of the month things were already taking a turn for the worst.

You see... two of the 4 girls involved in the argument started making a move for ALL of my friends/acquaintances... and they weren't shy about letting everyone know about our drama.
They made sure to make me uncomfortable in all situations: the park as I played volleyball with people from out of town (they'd make sure and talk loud enough so that the out-of-towners would hear the shit talking), my usual hang-out spot we so dearly call "The Alamo" (I didn't go for a week... and it was killing me to know these two chicks were usurping my place!), my own house (they're my neighbors... so I HAD to bump into them at some point).

My last couple of days there were purgatory, since I'd always think back to that fucking day and get heated... and upset at thinking that my "friends" had been poisoned by a bitch who couldn't get her facts straight. I was upset knowing they had believed her over me... I was upset knowing things will never be the same between us again.

HOWEVER, as much as this fight hurt me, I DIDN'T go around telling people about it. People would approach me and ask... and while it was tempting to be vindictive and turn people against THEM, I never did. I only told one person about the fight, and that was my godson, only because he knew something was up... and he's probably the only other person I trust in this world... but I never told him to stop talking/start hating anyone (unlike what these girls were doing).

So, I left it at that... as heart-broken as it made me ("echame a mi la culpa de lo que paso..." I'm a vindictive bitch when I want to... but this problem hurt me too much soul-wise for me to actually get vicious. It was too much of a low blow, and while I would have my bursts of rage, I'd stay home and cool off, rather than go to these girls homes to personally kick each one of their dumb asses). I lived the rest of my "vacation" playing Guitar Hero, crying, counting the days until it was time to come home, and missing my godson like crazy (he was in the city, studying by now, remember? He was no longer in Hometown, wasting away like the rest of the kids his age).

On to what made me get worse and led to my Thursday melt-down:

I became unbelievably attached to my 19-year-old friend, who I'll now refer to as My Guitar Hero, MGH.
There's always been a "thing" between us... and it wasn't until this year that we sort of acted on it (I was in need of a friend/game partner... he was heart-broken/in need of female attention... it was summer time... shit happens, right?).
We became attached at the hip... and there was this crazy level of comfort between us, as well as the coolest vibe I've ever felt with a guy. I mean... it was... love, but not the "I want to marry you!! Let's have babies together!" love... it was just... "God, where the fuck have you been all my life? Can you believe we click like this? I'll fucking hurt anyone that tries to ruin this" type love.
He had been in Hometown for about two wonderful weeks in mid-July, left for a week and a half to another part of Mexico, then came back the day before we left for Vegas.
Before he left for that week and a half, we talked about not wanting to part and all that shit ("Don't leave me MGH!! It's gonna suck without you!"--and this was before I even had a hint of the shit that was to come for me later on that week-- "Who else is going to gold-star with me?!" etc). That's when he asked, very timidly btw, if he could come with me to Vegas... which garnered this response:

Oh my God! I fucking love you, MGH!!! ::bear-hug around his waist as he was dangling from a tree (so we like to play around on trees, we ARE Mexican, after all):: Of course you can!!

So I was excited when he left, because I knew he'd be coming to Vegas with me when it was time to leave.
I was even more ecstatic about his return after all the girl drama passed (drama he never heard about, at least not from me).

The trip came and went... it was uncomfortable as fuck because we were sort of crammed in the truck... but still, I made room for him to sleep on my lap, I'd give him hour-long back massages, once in Vegas, he slept in my room--the biggest aside from my folks' room, we showed him around cost-free...etc. he was basically treated like a king (because we wanted to treat him like that and had no problem doing so).
We took him back to San Francisco last Friday, the 15th, and we stayed with him until Monday (the only day I didn't see him was Saturday, because I was at that damn wedding with the stalker).
Everything was fine and dandy up until Sunday night... around the time we were getting ready to go to sleep. He started acting weird... looked sad... stopped talking... and didn't even get up to say goodbye in the morning.

All right... I don't get it, but whatever... I guess you don't like good-byes or something...

However, come Monday night, he called me to see if we had gotten home safe. We then proceeded to stay connected with each other up until Wednesday night... then all of a sudden, come Thursday morning... nothing.
I saw he had removed me from his contacts (except Myspace, because he doesn't use that often), wouldn't answer my e-mails, texts, anything.
Then I noticed that I wasn't the only one he removed. He removed my entire family and wouldn't talk to them.
I tried contacting MGH's brother (the one who was 19 last summer and would sing to me when we'd be alone) and asking what the deal was... but no answer. He wouldn't answer my sister's texts and e-mails either.
This lasted all Thursday... this attempt at seeing what the hell was going on.
Normally, I wouldn't panic THIS bad, however, I was freaking out because I remembered something terrifying:

In Mexico, when I was still cool with the batch of girls, we'd go together to the internet cafe. I'd always use the same computer because 1. It was my favorite, 2. It had all my favorites saved, and 3. It was pretty secluded from all the other ones.
One day, the 16-year-old of the group, beat me to my computer, so I was forced to use another one. This one was open to the world... meaning, I had no privacy walls... and people making line to pay would be able to see my screen.
This day, I had seen I had messages on blogger... so I went for it... and that's when it happened: the girls saw my blog.
The day had been pretty rough to begin with... since that same day they had looked at my Myspace page... and proceeded to make fun of one of my friends
(to which I responded with really obscene words... offending them all... but I didn't care because you don't fuck with my real friends like that... I prefer for everyone to just... get along... and if any one of them makes fun of another, I'll be quick to step in and tell them to shut the fuck up... unless the arguing parties are siblings). Once they saw I had a blog, they proceeded to knock it... but I thought nothing else of it... just that they were butt-hurt over me offending them earlier, and now they wanted to make fun of me to feel better.
Well... from there, I noticed they became a little more interested in my Guitar Hero band name
(I'm stupid enough to have "AnoMALIE" as the name... how retarded, I know), and asked me to explain the name to them.
I did as they asked... and thought nothing of it.

Well, I came to Vegas, and noticed that someone in Durango had been checking out my blog.
Once again, I didn't panic, I just thought "Fuck, AnoMALIE, why don't you ever erase the history off computers?? Now people in Mexico will be able to read your blog... and notice all your shit-talking..."

With the sudden cut-off from MGH, all kinds of things started running through my head.

Fuuuuckkk.... I've said some things about MGH on my blog... especially last year.... like... what his dad was known for... shit... fuck... his cousin saw me checking my blog... fuck! Oh no... shit... I offended him!! His family hates me now... and I can't blame them.... me and my damn big mouth! Fuckkkk! I ruined a good thing! My family! AHHHH! He's going to hate me... I lost him...

Sure, I thought maybe MGH had heard about the August 6th War of Words... and since his name had been smeared in the fight, I thought maybe he was mad... but I felt something bigger than that must have happened... and the thought of him finding out what I know about his dad was scaring me... terribly... because that shit you just don't talk about to anyone... especially when the man's own children don't know what's up. That shit has the potential to rip families apart.

When I saw Friday was turning into the same deal (no, I wasn't continuously texting and calling... I was playing the most anguishing waiting game, actually... praying my worst fear wasn't coming true), in the afternoon, I resorted to texting their cousin (who lives a couple of minutes away from them), one of the girls involved in the August 6th war of words (she's also first cousins with the main fire starter of it all, Enemy, the one that was going around bad-mouthing me to everyone), the same chick who learned about my blog and asked about my name.
She wouldn't answer my texts, so I started getting hostile on her.
She answered after my second serious text (none of this smiley face shit or text speak).
Upon calling her... she said she had no idea what was going on... she said she had never mentioned anything to MGH, but she never claimed her cousin, Enemy, as being innocent.
Since Enemy's Cousin (I guess that's what I'll call her, no, let's call her Pacemaker, like a song her name's involved in), Pacemaker, lives closer to MGH and his family, she did the calling and figuring out what was going on.
Eventually, Pacemaker got me in touch with MGH (the following night).
As all this was happening, I decided to close my blog... because it would only be incriminating ("Yes... I talk about you... and your dad... and your money... but I really do love you!!" How the fuck would that work?).

Upon talking to MGH, he let me in on why everything had happened (reasons being far more tear-inducing than I thought. Not scary at all... at least, not to me... to him, maybe). He calmed me down... we got back on good terms, and he's once again My Guitar Hero.

Pacemaker swore never to make mention of this blog ever again... as I promised never to write bad things about HER (hell no, I dind't agree to not talking bad about Enemy... I said I wouldn't mention her at all... ever again... in writing or in person). I hope she holds up to her agreement... 'cause I know I will.

AAAAND, that, my friends... is why I had a massive meltdown this past week... why I ALMOST deleted this blog completely... and why I haven't really talked much on here anymore (and probably never will talk too much... man...).

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Stay tuned...

I promise I'll tell what's up once I quit being this heated.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Maldito rollo!

This year, I had the *bright* idea of "taking it old school" when it came to pictures.

While I do love old school film and all that shit... the rolls of undeveloped film slap me to reality.


God... I only have about 10 pictures in my possession right now, why? Because I thought it would be better if my "friend" could just send hers to me... I mean, she did get more pictures of yours truly with her digital camera because she'd catch me off-guard.


I no longer talk to her, she died (metaphorically speaking... I'm sure she's giving someone else a headache/near heart attack by now). She's the one I had the disgusting drama with a couple weeks back... so... those pictures, I'm sure, are deleted by now (a couple of hours after the argument/fight, I nearly punched myself once I realized "Fuck, this girl has all the pictures I want as memories of this summer... fuck! fuck! fuck!").
There are a few here and there that I can get off other people's Myspace's and Facebooks... but... they'll be of poor quality.

It's like summer of '08 never happened... only much worse.

I'm SUCH an idiot.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Weekend that wouldn't end.

More observations (hey, I feel no need to write actual posts... you know... with grammar and all that shit... for now. I'm tired and still cranky... trying to solve a bunch of fucking stupid problems I SHOULDN'T be having at this age) made Friday through Monday.

1. If ever approached by a guy holding a camera who asks to take a picture, DON'T feel guilty about saying NO.
(On Saturday, while at the wedding, I noticed this short guy-- not bad looking or anything... just not my style, since I feel no sense of attraction for a dude who looks like a 5 foot 4 rehabbed "cholo"-- kept taking pictures of me. At first I was like "Whatever... I'm sort of in the way... what the fuck ever... just look away." After the FIFTH time he came to my table to say "Let me take a picture of you guys" to my folks, I started getting uncomfortable-- I went as far as pushing my chair back to make sure he was taking a picture of ONLY my parents... to which he stepped back and STILL got a picture of me... stalker. Things only got worse once I found out the guy was the groom's younger brother--and by younger, I mean "he was probably 35..."-- and so, I was sort of forced to be nice to him. At the end of the night, he came up to us AGAIN, then asked me and my sis if he could get a picture [this was after he spent the entire day getting pictures of me from all angles... seriously... like... no joke]. While I felt urged to grab his camera, smash it on the floor, and stomp on it repeatedly as I screamed "STOP IT! ENOUGH, ALREADY! I'm not a celebrity!!" I smiled, leaned in to my sister and said "Sure..." God... I'm too nice)

(I cried from 3 in the morning Saturday, until 8:30 AM of the same day. Yes, I was hormonal... and missing My Guitar Hero... but I was furious at the thought that my parents have POOR planning skills... and by "poor" I mean "SHIT")

3. I'm going to be a terrible cougar....
(umm... who would have guessed it... I still have a thing for dudes that are at least 2 years my juniors... how gross... but I can't help it!! We have so much in common!... and he has purdy lips... and eyes... and eyebrows... and hands... and... blah blah blah)

4. Bands are ruined when one member falls for the other...
(we were gold-starring on expert and everything... Damn it, AnoMALIE, always ruining a good thing!)

5. Sonoma Valley is expensive... and ugly... in the summer.
(so dead... everything was dead)

6. Egg rolls, while tasty, make a car smell horrendously after 5 hours... after 9, it's straight up the smell of death.
(we were too cheap/nice? to throw away the platter of egg rolls MGH's mom made for us)

7. Never, never, never, never, never EVER go on two long road trips with only one day of "rest" in between.
(First, we do the whole Mexico-to-Vegas 21 hour long road trip on Wednesday. Then Thusrday morning we start doing the whole "Vegas Tour" for MGH up until 1 in the morning. Then, Friday afternoon, we head out for the 10 hour ride up to Sonoma Valley.... then Saturday we party it up at a wedding... then Sunday morning we head to San Francisco... once there... we talk it up with relatives we haven't seen in 7 years... go to bed at 2:30 in the morning, get up the next day, drive down to Bakersfield... talk to more relatives for two hours... then back to Vegas. Fuck that... and notice how I don't mention "shower" anywhere on that list. SICK.)

I'm tired... and sad... and a little angry [just a little].

Friday, August 15, 2008

sleep? who needs that?!

I kind of don't know what the hell I'm doing...
I'm tired... but somehow I agreed to the 12 hours car ride to northern California...
I haven't had decent sleep since... shit... the first of August.
August really fucking sucked for me (and there's till 15 more days of it left... I think... I don't know math right now).
This fucking heat is pissing me off.
My bitch... no... I won't even take the time to talk about the two bitches I hate with a fucking passion... although one of them is dead to me, so technically, I should just say "one" when referring to that shit.

and last... but not least:
My 19 year old friend is the fucking coolest guy ever! (yeah, the fact that he throws little flirtatious comments my way sways that statement somewhat... ok... a lot. I'm sad to see him go... living with him these past few days has been pretty amazing)

Thursday, August 14, 2008


I'm back... finally.
I think yesterday would have been more brutal had we not brought along my 19-year-old friend... he kept things interesting with his astonishment with the scenery, and eventual grumpiness over the never-ending trip... particularly, the seemingly never-ending desert between Wickenberg and Hoover Dam.

Anyway, saying goodbye to everyone who was still in Mexico wasn't hard at all. For the first time in a very long time, I didn't cry with anyone.
I was completely ready to leave 8 hours before actually getting in the truck.

I'll write more eventually... but I'm sick as fuck right now... so... until later.

Monday, August 11, 2008


Dude... shit went DOWN on Wednesday.

I'd go off and tell you all about it... but it still makes me furious to think about it.
All I'm going to say is this:
1. Once a trifling bitch, always a trifling bitch.
2. NO ONE can confront me and come out of it a winner.
3. Holding back on a cussing tirade is difficult shit, but I managed to do it.
4. I now know why I have more male friends.

I'm eager to come home to my REAL friends.
I'm 23... why the fuck am I still dealing with He-said-she-said bullshit?

p.s. the other day there was a bar fight in town... and guess what? My name came up... then they started fighting... and a couple of hours later, I got a serenade... how fucking ridiculous is that shit?

Monday, August 4, 2008

Girl Drama... so damn stupid.

Gah! Damn interent cafe.
Each time I type some shit up and save it to my flash drive, I forget to bring it with me... so here I sit, listening to the girls talk their smack about my tiny town and all the weddings that went down...
And I forget it all.

It doesn't help that currently, I'm in somewhat of a disagreement with my "friends" because they (it's 4 of them) are suddenly buttbuddies after hanging out AnoMALIE-less for ONE night. They go about whispering and shit... in my presence, which only helps in pissing me off (am I being unreasonable here? Don't YOU get irritated when 4 people in your group of 6 friends is whispering amongst themselves without adding you? Fuck that shit. That's why I'm friends with mostly all guys. I'll put up with their perverted talk any day over this bullshit secretive crap. Plus, the last time we all came to the internet cafe, they started making fun of one of my REAL best friends... and that just infuriated me to the point where I started verbally assaulting all of them... infront of other patrons. We haven't been right since then, and frankly I don't give a fuck, because no one makes fun of my friend, especially a friend who's a better human 50X's over than they are).

SO... let's see what I can remember about my life and what went down before this girl drama of mine began:

The 5 weddings have come and gone. Originally, I was excited and willing to go to everything (church, dinner, then dance) but after the first wedding, I became sick as a dog thanks to the food, so I became scared and opted against the dinner for the rest of the weddings.
I also only went to the dance part of all the weddigns because church is too damn long, there's no air conditioning, and I only brought 3 dresses... so I had to choose wisely.
Anyway... the weddings were cool, I suppose, just that the whole competitive nature of a couple of brides really put a damper on the whole thing.
One of the weddings did have a badass band... a very popular band... and while that was nice, the weather wasn't cooperating, and the night turned out to be a waste since a terrible thunderstorm and mud got in the picture. The wedding was outdoors, at the bride's brother's "Rancho" (where "charros" mistreat bulls in the name of "sport), so all the guests got mud everywhere, as if we were pigs in their sty (I misspelled that, didn't I?)... plus, a ton of people came from all over the state to witness this "free" concert.
Oh yeah, and at the second wedding, I acquired a very nasty cut on my right leg. I mean, I was bleeding and everything at this "classy" event... I looked like such a hick... as if I had come in riding a horse or something.

Ok... another thing is... oh, ok, another thing is that I have a hard time remembering this past week because I spent most of it drunk/buzzed. Normally, I wouldn't participate in drinking games. I'll be cool with taking a shot or two, but beer has never been a thing I like.
Well, I found out all I really need is a couple of cute boys to egg me on, and I'll become a Flip Cup master (beer pong, never. I suck TERRIBLY at the game... but Flip Cup I can handle with anything... Johnny Walker... Absolut, ANY tequila... you name it).
I blame peer pressure... and a slight crush... on my drunken debauchery... and that's all I'll say about that.

Umm... we also had a couple fo bonfires. They were fun... good times with the female friends up untilt he last bonfire, where a couple of cute, smart guys form a different town came and hung out with us. That just turned all the chicks against each other, in search of a boyfriend or something (not my case, since my guy had left by then).
But if you get over the guy problem, everything was fun... and I very much enjoyed those events.

My godson also left for college... I think today's his first day. That shit hell of bummed me out... since I feel like his mom (yeah, I'm only 5 years his senior, but I love the kid). I didn't get to hang out with him much, however, since I spent the majority of last week trying to put sense in his head. What sense? You see, he has a crush on a girl... and while that's perfectly fine, what is NOT fine is that she's his 3rd cousin. Some people might not see that as disturbing... but I sure as hell do. With so many girls in this world... why the fuck do you date a cousin? A cousin you've always treated like a cousin up until this year? Yeah, she's a cutie... but... there's a blood relation there... ughh..

Let's get off that subject, it bothers me.

Let's talk about my departure for the States.
We had planned to leave on the 16th or 17 of this month... but seeing how shitty things are getting, we might just leave on the 10th or 11th. We're not sure since we might take my 19 year old friend. He wants to come along... and we're down to take him, we're just not sure if he'll be back (he left with my godson to Durango's capitol on Thursday) on time.

Sooooooooo... that's what I can remember for now... and I think I'll leave it at that, since I'm getting a little too worked up and I doubt anyone wants to read about this shit.