Thursday, April 12, 2018

I'm the audience

Welp, look at that! I have time to update this thing after so many months.
My bad.

Life isn't slowing down. Life is actually getting hectic as shit and I'm dying for a breather.
Once in a while, I miss my old life. What I miss most is having the ability to workout as often as I did. I always took that shit for granted.
"Big deal. I workout every day, sometimes up to two hours... so what?"
Ummm... that's a big deal. And it was also a big factor in just HOW fucking athletic I actually was... but for stupid reasons, always underestimated ("stupid reasons" being other people convincing me it WASN'T a big deal. Motherfucker... it's a big motherfucking deal).
I'll occasionally see other chicks post "summer workouts" or "booty workouts" and feel immediate regret, since I could bust those moves out on the regular, no sweat.
I never fucking bragged enough. Poop.

Anyway. So right now we're in the middle of a custody battle.
Who would have thought those words would be coming out of my mouth two years ago?
Anyway, this whole thing has opened my eyes to how hideous these situations really are. I mean, I always saw them on television, in movies, read about them in books... but to live through it is another story. Sure, the kid isn't mine, but as an "outsider," I get to see the ugliness to it from a different perspective: as an audience.
I see the girl cry every day she has to go to her mom's. I see her chirpy, super social behavior drastically dip the moment "You go to your Mom's today" comes out of her dad's mouth. I see her in the mornings as she gets dropped off, crying as she hops out of her mom's car.
What the fuck is this woman doing to her kid to fuck her up so bad?
I see my dude try to console his daughter... I see his rage and frustration.
And I try to rationalize everything. But I can't.
The kid's mom is an animal... a selfish human being... a narcissist who is unable to see how badly she's impacting her daughter. That's my conclusion.
Then I see how the attorneys and judges approach family law. I see how skewed it is towards the mom... how she's given everything... and the dads get so fucked over. It's mind bowing.
You basically have to gave a police report or a hospital report proving the child was physically harmed by the mother in order for the court to even CONSIDER her a bad mother.
The dad can pay child support on time for years, never skip a payment... but somehow that's completely overlooked as a positive towards the father.
It's mind blowing.

The case isn't over, but after the first meeting, I felt sick to my stomach.
I don't feel sick for my dude, but his kid. The thought that she might get stuck living with her mom for good makes me sick. I feel for this child... if she gets take away by her mom, this kid's life will make such a flip to the negative, it'll haunt me for the rest of my life.
Poor baby.

So yeah. This new phase of my life... "adulthood," is ugly as shit.
I was totally on to something the entire time I refused to grow up to deal with adult issues... when I was convinced to stay single for life.

And life is only going to get crazier.

I just want to be silly again.