Monday, February 22, 2010

Went to bed last night, chanting "a better one will come..."
The back of my mind knows I was actually never meant to find ANYONE.
25, man... I'll be 25 in a week.

Sunday, February 21, 2010


They asked him how many "floozies" he took to his apartment. I looked away, not wanting to make eye-contact, not wanting to hear.
"ninguna," he said.
why do I subject myself to these scenarios?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Ah! My Boy!

I've blogged since Senior Year of high school.
Back then, I took it a lot more seriously, and my life was much more interesting.
I had a relatively large following for a 17 year old... and only 2 of them were teens.

I was extremely fond of one reader, he was almost 10 years my senior, but man, he was hilarious... most importantly, he found ME hilarious. He followed me from my humble beginnings up until my sophomore year of college. We'd instant message each other, post photos, send each other words of encouragement... he even gave me a much needed physics book when I was having an incredibly shitty time with that bullshitass class. Then, he suddenly stopped. He was nowhere to be found... he just got disconnected and dropped from the face of the Earth.

Just as suddenly as he disappeared from my life, he reappeared. I saw him again... yesterday... on television.... with a gold medal around his neck.


I would mention who it is... but no, I won't... I'll leave it up to you to figure it out.
If I've ever had a missed opportunity... this one must rank in the top 3.

I'm glad he's alive, though... for a minute there, I thought he was dead.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Valentine's 2010

Valentine's 2010 was slow at the start.
Big difference from last year... where I was woken up with English muffins, followed with a nice kitchen conversation, a trip to Monterey Bay Aquarium, side trip to Salinas and some sort of racetrack, karaoke party, and finally a nice little bowling session to end the night.
And let's not forget, my TWO Valentines that day (although... well, one is the absolute owner of my heart and the other is my awesomely awesome guy friend that rents a bit of my heart because he knows how to make me laugh)... and an actual gift.... and the following day going to San Jose to a jazz concert where MGH and I pinched each other in order to stay awake... sat awkwardly together during "My Funny Valentine"... and then walked under the same umbrella to stay away from the rain...
Yeah... last year was the fucking shit.

This year I sat at home with a stomach ache... watched me some Olympic footage... cried a little over my tummy pain (I swear, I'm under some sort of voodoo spell or something... my stomach has been killing me for over a month now!) and then got a phone call from Valentine'09 #2... aka Awesomely Awesome Friend aka MGH's bro.
That kid makes me smile.
Afterward, I got a text from MGH.
AND of course... it made my day.
I'm so stupid.

Then I advised my godson on girl issues he's having... and he gave me some kind words that made me smile.
Overall, it wasn't THE best Valentine's day of my life...
but I totally got by with the help of my friends.
And that's what it's all about.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

I can't help but feel bad for her.
She claims to be over him, but she goes through so much trouble to look good after knowing she'll most likely bump into him.

Why do we do that?

Monday, February 8, 2010


Next time you see me, remember to SLAP the fucking shit out of me for being such a FUCKING idiot.

Why is it that I allow someone to manipulate me so esily? Someone younger, of all things.
I do so much, practically jump through hoops to try to get him to say something remotely close to commitment.. but the most I get is some random ass... compliment.

"If he likes you, you'll know. If he doesn't, you'll be 'confused'."
I read this and felt my blood go cold.
It rings true in my case.
I'm wasting my time... yet, he has this strange power over me. If he even speaks to me, it makes my day... I'll be smiling for hours. He says "Jump," and I ALWAYS ask "how high."

He's not the most handsome guy on Earth... in fact, I've heard guys and girls refer to him as "ugly." However, to me, nothing compares to the look of his honey-colored eyes, his perfect nose, pouty lips, porcelain skin, soft, amazing hands... I even find myself admiring his eyebrows, for crying out loud!
There's just something about him that makes me melt and has me at his beck and call. It's fucking scary... and highly irritating, but I CAN'T STOP!
I admit, I'm easily infatuated with guys... however, I get over them in a month tops once things go bad. There's only one exception to this rule... and he's probably the only dude who'd I'd drop anything I'm doing for, aside from the guy this entry's about-- MGH, but I've already accepted the fact that it will NEVER happen. So why can't I apply this idea with MGH?

Each time I find myself forgetting about MGH, he comes back... with a simple question... or an idea... and once again, he's in my life... talking my ear off until the wee hours of the night (and of course, I listen... I jump with joy and find stupid excuses to cross a word with him). I'm sure it's when he's bored, or he himself is being ignored by some chick he can he think it's fair? Why doesn't he just try?

I, ladies and gentlemen, am an idiot.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Three times over

This past week I've dealt with the death of my mothers uncle... as in, my recently deceased grandmother's younger brother (he was 84... the baby boy of the family, I guess. It made me... sort of smile, when my 87 year old aunt sobbed and said she was sad because her "little brother was so young!" I just sat there... quiet... I'm sure I'll refer to my little sister as "little sister" when I'm 87 and she's 85).
It has been exhausting. I hate having to see family upset, and it breaks my heart to hear anyone cry. It just beats me up worse than an intense kickboxing session.
For the funeral, we sat with the family... since they told us to... and it was odd to hear others give ME condolences. I also didn't have the heart to go up to the coffin and see my uncle, because he was damn near identical to my grandma.

Anyway, on to the point of the story:
As my sis and I sat at the funeral, we saw some random lady approach my mom, and both would talk and turn back to stare at us at moments. What did she say?
"I just had to come over and let you know that you have two of the most beautiful daughters I've ever seen! After asking around, they told me that what they have in beauty, their personality outshines three times over. For that, I just had to congratulate you."

I feel like I have to buy this lady a house now...