Attack of the wedding, once again

Yesterday, my good ol' cousin officially jumped into the "I'M MARRIED, MUTHAFUCKA!" wagon.

And yes... I was a bridesmaid... and YES, my day was not... the greatest.

Here's why:

(Hairdresser's place, 9AM, four of us are getting our hair done at the place)

Hairdresser number 1: AnoMALIE, come with me.
(as I walk up to HDN1, to walk towards her chair)
Hairdresser number 2: (in Spanish) HDN1, do you know how to comb hair?
Hairdresser number 1: (pausing) ... yeah... I think I do.
Me: (internally) Grrrreat! I'm FUCKED!!!

(a little later, same place)

Hairdresser: So, who's the bride?
Me: None of us... she's related to the bride, the rest of us are related to the groom.
Hairdresser: How old are you?
Me: 24
Hairdresser: So when are you getting married?
Me: (internally) So I can be the ex-wife, mother of five, to some ex-cholo like you are? (spoken) Never!

-When I went to get my make-up done, my sis and little cousin had the awesome make-up artist... while I got the one who looked like Marylin-Manson-Phase Rose McGowan... No need to discuss how I turned out.
-Church time rolled around and I was the last one to be told who I was partnered up with (I don't like ending my sentences with prepositions, but I'm in a hurry to finish... but it's fucking killing me!).
-I was the tallest girl, and my poor godfather (my partner), was down to my ear...
-After church, I came home to change into flip flops for the rest of the wedding.
-I watched my godson treat OUR cousin like his girlfriend all night. It was... awkward as fuck.
-My brother got HAMMERED... I mean... fucking trashed... and was going around making an ass of himself with all the family members he could find, no matter their age (toddlers to 80 something year olds... he did not discriminate).
- The bridesmaid dress was a piece of shit. It kept rolling off my shoulders... to the point where the front of my bra was showing, in its entirety, when we did the traditional dance in which all the bridesmaids hold hands, single-filed, and run around the entire salon. I could not do a thing about it, since both my hands were busy, and I was in mid sprint... NOT COOL. I might as well have gone to the wedding in a skirt and Bustier.

More things occurred... but the thing that ruined the night, by far, was my drunken brother. We had to bring him home, with the help of 4 guys and a girl, before the wedding was over.
I'd be a little more pissed had no one else at the party been drunk...
but you see... it was Open Bar... and... well... boys and girls (alike) were shit faced, left and right.

Oh, the memories!