Rehab

Yesterday marked my return to the gym game.
I could have returned to the gym Friday afternoon, but after a 24.5 hour car ride, smelling of pasilla chilies and cheese, and dealing with an eye-infection, I wanted nothing to do with ANYTHING.

Upon stepping foot in the gym, I bumped into my trainer who was holding a conversation with one of her clients, but immediately reacted the moment I crossed her sight.
Trainer: ANOMALIE! YOU'RE BACK!
Me: Yup.
Trainer: WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!
Me: I was... on vacation.
Trainer: For three weeks?! That was some vacation...
Me: Ok, you got me. I was really in rehab.
Trainer: I was beginning to think you were dead... or worse yet, that you hated me!
Me: Never. I just needed a break... (before I really did end up dead)

That's exactly how I describe this trip to Hometown-- rehab.
My time there all I could really think was how badly I hoped this change in environment would change my brain chemistry.
Please change, brain chemistry, please change, please change, PLEASE CHANGE!

As I suspected, getting completely disconnected from everyone and everything helped... by leaps and bounds.
No phone. No internet. No people.
I just needed to be away, alone... in the place I consider home.
I don't know if that's the way it works for everyone... I tend to be ass-backwards when it comes to behavioral shit.

Chick: Aren't you... like... bored?
Some chick asked me that as I sat outside church the night of the fireworks, September 9th.
I was sitting on a concrete bench outside, since Mass was packed and I had no seat saved inside.
The place was dimly lit, a slight breeze would mess with my hair, and I'd just stare at the "arboles" that would be lit later in the night.

I was behind those wooden structures, in the church courtyard.

My godson sat at my feet-- I was sitting on the armrest of the bench, playing with my camera.
Me: Why would I be bored?
Chick: I dunno... you're the only girl in town... you have no phone, or internet, or a car... times of the day you don't have water or light... I'd think you'd get bored, especially since you're from Vegas.
Me: Nope. This is just perfect... even better than perfect right now, since *Godson* is in town.

Not even the military presence scared me.
Back in 2010, there was this incredible hostility in the air... it was pretty debilitating... and stressful. You'd see the masked gunmen everywhere... shamelessly driving around, intimidating the townspeople.
This year, there were three forces to look out for: the greens, the blues, and the blacks.
The greens were the army dudes. I like them. They're sweet, adorable young guys who are clearly there to protect.
The blues are the marines. They're huge, scary, and rock ski masks, helmets, and dark goggles. They mean business... and stare people down. They're "good" I suppose... but intimidating as fuck. You know something's going down if they show up.
The blacks are... the "others." They are the hired hitmen of... a certain man... who now "owns" my mexican state. They're there to make sure the Zs don't come around and try to set up shop. They extortion people, find any excuse to take their shit. I don't like these guys... I was lucky each time I bumped into them, the Army was present.
Anyway, regardless of this new dynamic, I was always at ease. I chilled outside my house until one in the morning.
I had a lovely dog always keeping me company... and I'd sit on the porch, staring into the dark night, often times seeing the bright stars, and all I could think was:
Braaaain chemistry! You're goooood! Stay this way!

I am such a solitary creature... a solitary, nature-loving creature.
It makes me happy. It soothes me. It cures me.