Last year was a time for me when everything was going down in flames. I was standing still in a fucking burning room, completely shellshocked as everything else was burning to an unrecognizable crisp.
This year, I am watching (in horror) the worlds of others comes to a screeching halt, as I stand a world away on my own planet whose charred remains are finally seeing hints of green.
It has been bad news for so many people in my life, and there's nothing I can really do.
Last week I learned (one of) my friend's one-year-old has what appears to be terminal cancer.
This friend, she was a smart, kind, patient, sincerely religious, "traditional"... damn near perfect young girl. She patiently waited for a guy to come into her life who would not pressure her into changing her good-girl ways... a dude who would appreciate her completely.
Jokes started to run in Hometown about this girl (and her older sister, who was much like her and also single), where others would warn single girls to change their ways unless they wanted to end up like this girl.
I always found her exemplary of what a girl should be... because despite all the bullshit she would hear, she held her head high and her hopes remained unwavering.
She was 38 when she finally found her other half... and they immediately got to baby making. After nearly two years, and numerous miscarriages, they were able to have this "miracle baby."
And now this.
I haven't been able to shake this all week. I'll think of all this shit at random times of the day.
I didn't know I could be this gutted for another person in such a profound way.
I find it all so unfair...
Then last night the father of one of my friends passed away.
I have never been good under these circumstances. It always seems I'm the one who gets more hysterical than my friend who has lost the loved one.
She has posted numerous photos throughout the day, where she is... she's just pouring her heart out... and constantly calls out to her dad like... well... a heartbroken toddler who doesn't want her daddy to go away. I've been crying all fucking day seeing this... just typing this has made my throat tighten up.
Anyway... this is all so... strange. And sad. I'm so very sorry for everyone... truly.
This year, I am watching (in horror) the worlds of others comes to a screeching halt, as I stand a world away on my own planet whose charred remains are finally seeing hints of green.
It has been bad news for so many people in my life, and there's nothing I can really do.
Last week I learned (one of) my friend's one-year-old has what appears to be terminal cancer.
This friend, she was a smart, kind, patient, sincerely religious, "traditional"... damn near perfect young girl. She patiently waited for a guy to come into her life who would not pressure her into changing her good-girl ways... a dude who would appreciate her completely.
Jokes started to run in Hometown about this girl (and her older sister, who was much like her and also single), where others would warn single girls to change their ways unless they wanted to end up like this girl.
I always found her exemplary of what a girl should be... because despite all the bullshit she would hear, she held her head high and her hopes remained unwavering.
She was 38 when she finally found her other half... and they immediately got to baby making. After nearly two years, and numerous miscarriages, they were able to have this "miracle baby."
And now this.
I haven't been able to shake this all week. I'll think of all this shit at random times of the day.
I didn't know I could be this gutted for another person in such a profound way.
I find it all so unfair...
Then last night the father of one of my friends passed away.
I have never been good under these circumstances. It always seems I'm the one who gets more hysterical than my friend who has lost the loved one.
She has posted numerous photos throughout the day, where she is... she's just pouring her heart out... and constantly calls out to her dad like... well... a heartbroken toddler who doesn't want her daddy to go away. I've been crying all fucking day seeing this... just typing this has made my throat tighten up.
Anyway... this is all so... strange. And sad. I'm so very sorry for everyone... truly.
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