I'm chatty today... as well as currently avoiding people who have managed to piss me off.
We're on the eve of the fifth month of the year, and I can say, I'm still riding pretty damn high. The further we get into the year, the clearer the picture becomes of the goddamned mess that was 2015. The huge discrepancies in feelings and behaviors and... everything-- the magnitude of the depression, it's so much easier to spot, to describe them... to know I have finally cleared that stretch of seemingly-never-ending hurdles.
My body has also bounced back. My face is clearing up and my exhaustion is almost non-existent. I find myself with a renewed enthusiasm and energy for the gym. While last year it seemed as though just sniffing a fucking cookie made me gain five pounds, this year I've been dropping inches off my waist without my body putting up much of a fight (I haven't been weighing myself in years, since it made me extremely neurotic).
All of these discoveries I'm sure have a lot to do with my fantastic mood. Seeing my face return to looking like MY face brings a joy to me I thought was lost forever. Forget getting my work-out body back, that shit is fleeting... but my face? The face I know can be sweet and innocent and... my fucking face? I was scared it was going to be scowling, wrinkled, and reddened for life-- an angry, bitter face... that ISN'T me.
I am more ME now than I have been since 3rd grade.
I have done and said things I haven't done or said in decades. It's not like it's a new behavior, it's an OLD behavior I thought so many years of torture had killed.
My family members have noticed the return of KidAnomalie, often times smiling and staring at me, usually remarking on how I used to do or say what I just did-- a glint of happiness at the return of the witty, silly little girl I used to be.
It's almost May and I'm STILL happy... fucking unbelievable.
We're on the eve of the fifth month of the year, and I can say, I'm still riding pretty damn high. The further we get into the year, the clearer the picture becomes of the goddamned mess that was 2015. The huge discrepancies in feelings and behaviors and... everything-- the magnitude of the depression, it's so much easier to spot, to describe them... to know I have finally cleared that stretch of seemingly-never-ending hurdles.
My body has also bounced back. My face is clearing up and my exhaustion is almost non-existent. I find myself with a renewed enthusiasm and energy for the gym. While last year it seemed as though just sniffing a fucking cookie made me gain five pounds, this year I've been dropping inches off my waist without my body putting up much of a fight (I haven't been weighing myself in years, since it made me extremely neurotic).
All of these discoveries I'm sure have a lot to do with my fantastic mood. Seeing my face return to looking like MY face brings a joy to me I thought was lost forever. Forget getting my work-out body back, that shit is fleeting... but my face? The face I know can be sweet and innocent and... my fucking face? I was scared it was going to be scowling, wrinkled, and reddened for life-- an angry, bitter face... that ISN'T me.
I am more ME now than I have been since 3rd grade.
I have done and said things I haven't done or said in decades. It's not like it's a new behavior, it's an OLD behavior I thought so many years of torture had killed.
My family members have noticed the return of KidAnomalie, often times smiling and staring at me, usually remarking on how I used to do or say what I just did-- a glint of happiness at the return of the witty, silly little girl I used to be.
It's almost May and I'm STILL happy... fucking unbelievable.
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