Friday, April 22, 2016

No harbors

I'm disappointed in the lack of writing this month... but things are so depressing, I don't find it very conducive for my emotional wellbeing to constantly update.
No, I am not depressed, and the depressing things are not happening to me.
It's still that very bizarre thing where I'm standing quietly as I watch the world of others come crashing down.
People are dying-- YOUNG people. Young people are dealing with health scares.

I'm watching friends deal with the looming death of their loved ones... watching them watch their loved ones succumb...

It is surreal. It is scary. It is... so tragic.
SO MANY of the people in my circle are dealing with this... it's hard not to feel my heart break... and frustrated that I can't do more for them.

There's also that fear in the back of my mind-- don't let this trip you up... don't let this be what reels you back in... don't let this shake your grip on that lifeline you were given.

But I'm ok, it's not that type of sadness I'm feeling.My current sadness actually guilt trips me in a way... for ever wanting to end my existence, while ALL THESE PEOPLE are battling so fiercely to keep their own.

It's all stuff I'd rather not delve into... so I just paint-- that's where I am.

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