"The heart dies a slow death. Shedding each hope like leaves until one day there are none. No hopes. Nothing remains."
I had always resisted "Memoirs of a Geisha," whether it was the book or film.
I just know that shit will be sad, and while I know I'm one moody little bitch, I try not to subject myself to TOO much depressive shit at a time. Right now? NOT a good time for depressing shit.
Then today happened, and for some reason (well, I was irritated after shopping for three hours with my mother... I purchased some running capris, a tank, and a pair of sunglasses... took me ten minutes to gather my shit. The rest of the time was spent watching Mom rummage through sales rack after sales rack of old-lady clothes. This is all very tiring for me, and I'm vulnerable as fuck when tired) I didn't change the channel when I got home and saw what was showing on my television. Good ol' Memoirs had JUST started.
Ah, what the fuck. I'm beat. Show me what you've got, Geisha.
Of course I fucking cried... not a river, but I shed a tear or two. That quote I opened with made me nod in awe, as a stupid cliche tear ran down my cheek.
As stated earlier, I've never read the book or watched the movie, but I have often said something similar to that quote. Because it's true. So true.
I've spent my life watching my hopes, dreams, overall happiness, crumble to the ground... I watch that shit wither and die.
I tell myself "Come on, dude, it's just winter... spring time's coming up! Get ready for Spring!"
But then I'm left standing there... in "deafening" silence. Completely alone... with nothing to see. Everything's blank.
Feels like I have fucking Tinnitus or some shit.
It fucking sucks dick.
That "Spring's right around the corner, dude!" mentality is what has kept me pushing my whole life. The thought that it's all going to get better is what made toddler-AnoMALIE shake off mistreatments and abuse... the thought that one day I'd enjoy this supposed "Spring" like every normal person, made me get up in the mornings and endure some more people punching me in the stomach, slapping me, and spitting on me... literally.
The passage of time didn't just see the leaves wither... but also the occasional prick who'd break entire branches off, just for the fuck of it.
I was an awesome little girl. I swear. I think back to the person I used to be... and it's crazy. I was bubbly. I was happy... adventurous, curious, kind, funny, friendly... I had my moments of introversion, upon first meeting others, but after a couple of minutes, I was out and about looking for adventure... using my motherfucking AWESOME imagination. I explored nature, admired it... I played with animals, encouraged others to join me on my adventures. I ran everywhere... then people started tripping me and felt watching me sob in pain was more... entertaining, and so it began.
How many times, and in how many ways, can we fuck this girl up before she stops actually getting up?
I did a good job keeping my composure with the movie... then I heard the last couple of lines:
"... to learn of kindness after so much unkindness... to understand that a little girl with more courage than she knew, would find her prayers were answered, can that now be called happiness."
I fucking lost it.
I had always resisted "Memoirs of a Geisha," whether it was the book or film.
I just know that shit will be sad, and while I know I'm one moody little bitch, I try not to subject myself to TOO much depressive shit at a time. Right now? NOT a good time for depressing shit.
Then today happened, and for some reason (well, I was irritated after shopping for three hours with my mother... I purchased some running capris, a tank, and a pair of sunglasses... took me ten minutes to gather my shit. The rest of the time was spent watching Mom rummage through sales rack after sales rack of old-lady clothes. This is all very tiring for me, and I'm vulnerable as fuck when tired) I didn't change the channel when I got home and saw what was showing on my television. Good ol' Memoirs had JUST started.
Ah, what the fuck. I'm beat. Show me what you've got, Geisha.
Of course I fucking cried... not a river, but I shed a tear or two. That quote I opened with made me nod in awe, as a stupid cliche tear ran down my cheek.
As stated earlier, I've never read the book or watched the movie, but I have often said something similar to that quote. Because it's true. So true.
I've spent my life watching my hopes, dreams, overall happiness, crumble to the ground... I watch that shit wither and die.
I tell myself "Come on, dude, it's just winter... spring time's coming up! Get ready for Spring!"
But then I'm left standing there... in "deafening" silence. Completely alone... with nothing to see. Everything's blank.
Feels like I have fucking Tinnitus or some shit.
It fucking sucks dick.
That "Spring's right around the corner, dude!" mentality is what has kept me pushing my whole life. The thought that it's all going to get better is what made toddler-AnoMALIE shake off mistreatments and abuse... the thought that one day I'd enjoy this supposed "Spring" like every normal person, made me get up in the mornings and endure some more people punching me in the stomach, slapping me, and spitting on me... literally.
The passage of time didn't just see the leaves wither... but also the occasional prick who'd break entire branches off, just for the fuck of it.
I was an awesome little girl. I swear. I think back to the person I used to be... and it's crazy. I was bubbly. I was happy... adventurous, curious, kind, funny, friendly... I had my moments of introversion, upon first meeting others, but after a couple of minutes, I was out and about looking for adventure... using my motherfucking AWESOME imagination. I explored nature, admired it... I played with animals, encouraged others to join me on my adventures. I ran everywhere... then people started tripping me and felt watching me sob in pain was more... entertaining, and so it began.
How many times, and in how many ways, can we fuck this girl up before she stops actually getting up?
I did a good job keeping my composure with the movie... then I heard the last couple of lines:
"... to learn of kindness after so much unkindness... to understand that a little girl with more courage than she knew, would find her prayers were answered, can that now be called happiness."
I fucking lost it.
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