I've been a strange combination of an angry AND sad mess these last few weeks.
If I'm not crying in the fucking dark like some unstable creepy idiot, I'm taking deep breaths and counting to a billion in hopes of not breaking shit all over the place.
I'm in that scary angry stage where I feel I can crush shit with my bare hands... all fucking Hulk 'n shit.
I'm not even taking any meds or PMSing or ANYTHING I can blame... I'm just really fucking frustrated and fed up with people's behavior. People are REALLY fucking pissing me off... BADLY.
I need Vicodin or some shit... a fucking dart to the neck like some goddamn rhino.
Since I'm so anti drugs (mainly because I have a WILDLY addictive personality and I know once I pick something up, I'll beat it to death [figuratively speaking]--- which in the case of drugs would undeniably result in MY death... which I guess I wouldn't mind, but I sense it would be a painful crazy fucking death, so yeah, no, let's avoid that shit, yeah?) and I'm cheap as fuck... I don't pay for counseling OR drugs, so I resort to easy shit... like drawing... and long baths where I just sit in the fucking tub without thinking a damn fucking thing beyond "Goddamn.... I HATE this fucking tub!"
And I'll listen to HOURS of classical music.
... now that I think about it, this sounds like shit serial killers enjoy. Umm... uh... hmmm.
Sad.
I haven't even grocery shopped in weeks. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE GROCERY SHOPPING?
Ugh.
Stress sucks dick.
I want to be normal.
And not cry all the fucking time like some weak pussy.
God.
Well, this was of no help.
I'm sorry guys... I'll be better in a few... hours... after I eat and lay like a corpse on my bed... listening to Bach and Strauss and Chopin and all that shit that makes me calm, like a peaceful bunny.
If I'm not crying in the fucking dark like some unstable creepy idiot, I'm taking deep breaths and counting to a billion in hopes of not breaking shit all over the place.
I'm in that scary angry stage where I feel I can crush shit with my bare hands... all fucking Hulk 'n shit.
I'm not even taking any meds or PMSing or ANYTHING I can blame... I'm just really fucking frustrated and fed up with people's behavior. People are REALLY fucking pissing me off... BADLY.
I need Vicodin or some shit... a fucking dart to the neck like some goddamn rhino.
Since I'm so anti drugs (mainly because I have a WILDLY addictive personality and I know once I pick something up, I'll beat it to death [figuratively speaking]--- which in the case of drugs would undeniably result in MY death... which I guess I wouldn't mind, but I sense it would be a painful crazy fucking death, so yeah, no, let's avoid that shit, yeah?) and I'm cheap as fuck... I don't pay for counseling OR drugs, so I resort to easy shit... like drawing... and long baths where I just sit in the fucking tub without thinking a damn fucking thing beyond "Goddamn.... I HATE this fucking tub!"
And I'll listen to HOURS of classical music.
... now that I think about it, this sounds like shit serial killers enjoy. Umm... uh... hmmm.
Sad.
I haven't even grocery shopped in weeks. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I FUCKING LOVE GROCERY SHOPPING?
Ugh.
Stress sucks dick.
I want to be normal.
And not cry all the fucking time like some weak pussy.
God.
Well, this was of no help.
I'm sorry guys... I'll be better in a few... hours... after I eat and lay like a corpse on my bed... listening to Bach and Strauss and Chopin and all that shit that makes me calm, like a peaceful bunny.
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