Tuesday, June 2, 2015

I am shit

Ahhh, Greece. Meeting again.

I arrived Friday morning, Greece time. It was a long haul... sort of. Layover was in Toronto... for nine hours. In those nine hours, I managed to cry in public. That was fantastic, as always.
I guess I should mention I brought my godson with me. It's my gift to the kid, since he's been battling a serious case of depression, unlike myself.
You see, when I really love someone, there's nothing I won't try to get them to feel better... as long as it's in my realm of possibilities.
If you have ever been kind to me, if you've ever made me smile-- you're good with me.
So, I figured I'd do this for the kid.

He's still weird. I don't know how to describe it, but the best I can do is by having others imagine someone who has just been freed from a cult-- the shellshocked, deep disillusionment with the world... that sort of shit.
He was driving me insane with his constant religious talk, which was a bunch of shit... but since I'm a nice person, I'd keep mum and only say "Umm... ok."
He's also very vain... very... umm... flamboyant in the sense that he goes out of his way to call attention to himself. He'll wear nothing but muscle shirts, and talk at a very loud level, so as to call attention to himself. He still has that salesman mentality... and let me tell you... living with a salesman is the last thing I ever want to do from now on. Fucking BONKERS.
"Goddamn it... is he talking to that stranger again?"
"No. No. You stay over here... I'll be right back because this is going to take me a second and I don't need you striking up a conversation with every person there for the next two hours."
It's obvious English is his second language because he uses words incorrectly... or he'll use them in the wrong context... or... he'll use inappropriate terms he learned off the douchebag coworkers from when he worked at the timeshare business.

This leads me to the thing that made me cry in public.
As we killed time in the airport (which wasn't too hard, considering they have an enormous lounge area with an ipad for pretty much every passenger... which is motherfucking amazing. This airport is a gem), we were sitting in the lounge area having a discussion on life... relationships.
I was chastising him for being "stereotypical pig Mexican" because he'd shamelessly check out girls, almost all of them... looking at their tits and ass and even vag. I told him that was inappropriate, and to be a little more discreet. He then says "ALL women like that."
I NEEDED to correct him.
"No. They don't. It's vulgar. Not all women like vulgarity. I'd say most of them hate it."
"You're saying if I like that girls ass, and I tell her 'Nice ass' she's going to be offended and not take it as a compliment or like it?" he asked.
"Most girls would consider that offensive. It's not something some of us are looking to hear at a fucking airport when we're agitated and tired. So yes, she'll more than likely get offended," I said.
"Even if it's me? I mean, I know I'm a good looking man. Girls throw themselves at me," he said.
(I was so outraged by his ego at this point, I wanted to take my carryon bag and throw it across his face. How the fuck am I related to this? WHO DID THIS TO YOU, Godson?! Is this real life? What a fucking douchebag)
"It all depends on the girl... but I'm sure there'd be plenty of girls who'd be put off by the comment and find you offensive," I said.
"You're going to sit here and tell me if Cristiano Ronaldo went up to you and said 'Nice ass.' You'd tell him to fuck off?" he asked me.
"If those were the first words that came out of his mouth when he met me, I'd tell him he's a vapid, disrespectful jerk. That's exactly what I'd tell him," I said, completely enraged by now.
"YOU'RE SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" he screamed at me.
I noticed damn near everyone in the lounge area stop cold in their tracks and stare at us. I could read some had a look of concern for ME, as though I was getting verbally abused by my boyfriend/husband.
"What you just said... offended me worse than anything ANYONE has ever said to me. ANYONE. And I can't believe it came from YOU of all people," I said.
"What did I say?" he asked.
"You just said I'm SHIT!" I said.
"No I didn't! You heard wrong!" he said.
"I don't care if you misspoke or whatever you were trying to do... but what came out of your mouth, and what EVERYONE AROUND HERE heard was YOU screaming at ME that I was shit," I said.
And then he did what most men have done in my life when I call them on their shit rather than sit down and take whatever fucking stupid shit they're talking: he acted angry and outraged.
"You know what. I'm fucking done talking right now. Let's stop right here before I really fucking say something offensive. I don't want to hear anything," he said as he slammed his face down on the table in front of him.
And I sat there... fighting back the angriest tears of my life.
Doing fucked up things in public... where they know I won't act up because I don't want to make a scene... so not fair.
The words reverberated in my mind... the look on people's faces ran through my mind... and past memories of others being fucking assholes to me ran through my mind.
I tried focusing my sight on the bathroom that was directly to my left... thought it would help me calm down while keeping my reddened face and watery eyes out of the view of nearly everyone who had witnessed the scene.
But it didn't help. Tears started rolling down my eyes and it was over.
People started leaving the scene... visibly uncomfortable... and I just sat there, across from my idiot godson whose face was out of view, and his fucking stupid earbuds (which I gave to him because his own got busted from listening to music too loud) blocking out any sound from the outside world (only pumping out douchebag Bro techno into his ears), crying... sobbing. So motherfucking alone. Again. In a fucking SEA OF PEOPLE at the motherfucking airport.
I mean... all this shit just runs through my mind when I'm crying and it does NOTHING to calm me down. It's such a fucking terrible cycle, I tell you.

So, after about half an hour of crying like an imbecile in my chair, I calmed down enough to climb out (it was a stool) and head to the bathroom... where I did the typical AnoMALIE thing of crying in the privacy of a stall... blew my nose... walked out to the mirror to fix myself... and then faced the world again.
I motioned to my godson that it was now time to walk to our gate and I was mute for the following fourteen hours (we waited at the gate for an hour, the flight was ten hours, then we headed to the embassy to get the house keys from my Bro. Got home, unpacked, and showered).
Once in Athens, as I was ready to take a nap before the haul to Mykonos for the weekend (we were going to leave at 4:15PM for the ferry to the island), Godson walked in and tried making things better with that bullshit line of "I'm sorry you felt offended" then added "But I'm offended you thought I MEANT it that way." Ummm... ok, thanks for that bullshit apology?
"When are you ever going to see those people?" As though that takes away the fact that was a fucked up thing to SCREAM in an airport in front of a sea of people.
"Now I know you're very sensitive." Excuse me? What? Was I... being too sensitive about getting upset about your ignorant ass SCREAMING "You're shit" at me in a very public setting, in front of men, women, children, and old people who are clueless about our relationship and our conversation? MY MOTHERFUCKING BAD. Fuck. Oh fuck! Fuck me and my extremely girly feelings! I brought it upon myself for being so motherfucking sensitive. My motherfucking baaaaaad.

There's a line... a motherfucking line. I can be ridiculously vulgar... I can drop as many fucking cusswords as you can imagine, in NUMEROUS languages... but I KNOW WHEN to do it. There's a time and a place... and I try my best to RESPECT it. Do I think censorship is silly? Yes, I do... but I also understand that it serves a purpose. I don't enjoy little kids hearing coarse language... or older people being harshly introduced to me by me uttering some profanity. I also understand that different cultures have different stances on vulgarity and more importantly, I RESPECT it-- despite how much or how little I may agree with it.

The key term here, I suppose, is "RESPECT."
Bumping into people who LACK any sense of it... or prove to be ridiculously inconsiderate, drives me MOTHERFUCKING CRAZY.

Ah... good times ahead. For sure.
(This past weekend was something to talk about. The long weekend in Mykonos sure has a lot of stories... one even includes me--yet again-- crying my motherfucking eyes out as I walked to my hotel room all alone at 4:30AM for two miles. Long stretch of highway along the coast where I stared out into the sea, under a nearly-full moon, just bawling my fucking eyes out with both rage and incredible sadness. I even ran into a run-over, dead cat. I mean, who would come up with this sort of shit? Good motherfucking times.)

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