Must... get... away.

So... so freakin' tired.

My eyes hurt.

My brain hurts.

I've barfed.

I'm in a shitty mood.

I'm practically barking at people.

I'm tiiiiiredddddd, damn it!

(and now, I must stop typing like this, because I'm starting to feel like I'm writing Rosie O'Donnell's blog)

I can't wait 'till finals are done.

Till then (and I'm still fucking doing it!), I'll have to entertain myself by looking at funny pictures of "celebrities":

Oh, Nash, I had just told everyone how badass you are...
And, shit, I couldn't be any more right (that loss to damn San Antonio probably added to my bad mood today)!
Look at that dance move right there...
Hollaaa! Cool cat right thurrrrr! (granted, this is a couple of years old, but still)

Freedom! HOLLER!

I vomited out of excitement today.

Yeah, great way to start this off, but that's how I do.
I typically stress myself out so bad prior to an exam, I'll spend days vomiting up to twenty times a day (or until I've thrown up bile at least twice). That behavior stopped after Organic Chemistry, which is around the same time my passion for Biology came to an end.
I have felt the urge to vomit since, but I fight the feeling by de-stressing at a movie theater (or you know, traffic: where I can curse and give people the finger to my heart's content) or the treadmill (nothing better than running for so long that I forget what my legs are doing).
Anyway, I did have an exam today, and I was feeling overwhelmed by it all. I almost hurled yesterday, but the treadmill works miracles. So things were staying put in my stomach for some time. However… last night I had a nightmare (like I told you I was going to, Chase) and woke up telling myself:
I have to check my score!
What score, you're asking?
MCAT.
I took that bad boy a while back, and never checked my grade. I planned on never checking, mainly because I'm no longer looking into the medical profession. I've had enough of some of these people and like previously mentioned… I vomit like nobody's business whenever stressed. I'm just finishing these last 4 classes, getting my degree, and saying goodbye to it all.
On with the story:
People have been asking me about the MCAT for about three weeks now.
“When you gettin' your MCAT score back?”
“How'd the MCAT go?”
“Y esa cosa que hiciste el otro dia? Como te fue? Ya eres doctora?”
To which my response is always:
I don't know, and I don't care.

Well, first thing this morning, I got on-line, went to the AAMC website, and checked out my grade.

Back in December I said:
I'm only sticking to biology if I score a 36 or better. I'm not denying the world my talent if I get that good of a score. Anything less, I go for an MFA in creative writing, just like Irsfeld was telling me a year ago.
I didn't study, and I especially I didn't pay for any special classes. I went in with the knowledge I've (sometimes not-so-solidly) acquired in my last 4 years of college.
What was my score?
…
…
30Q.

Yeah. I was quiet for a second, and checked the scores individually.
Fuck.
I thought about lying to my parents. The score’s still good for a medical school… and that's what was most upsetting to me.
No!! What am I gonna tell my parents?! I'm gonna lie!
Then I looked over at my writing sample score.
Q! A freakin' Q! Dude, I'm a writer!
I was ready to cartwheel my ass out of the room. I became lightheaded after laughing to myself for so long (yeah, I'm crazy… and super excited)… then followed the hurling.

Nervousness + Excitement = AnoMALIE tossing her cookies.

That score cheered me up because I took it as a sign that I should stick to writing rather than biology… my answer to whether or not I should apply to the Iowa writing program, as well as the one at UNLV. Dude, I'm fucking game for this!

I still had to wonder about what I'd tell my folks.
I thought about it all day at school.
I only let two of my friends in on the news. I got this reaction from each:
Friend number 1:
Me: Duuuuuuudde! I got my MCAT score.
Chase: How'd you do? You get a 36?!
Me: hahah. No. I got a 30.
Chase: That's still GOOD.
Me: Yeah... but I got a Q in the writing portion! A fucking Q!

Friend number 2:
Chase: AnoMALIE got her MCAT score.
FutureDentistFriend (FDF): How'd you do?
Chase: Guess! She did good!
FDF: A 35?!
Me:... no... I wish (do I?).

Instead of getting upset, I'd laugh with the whole "Was it a 36?!"
The good humor made me come up with a solution: I'm telling them I scored OK… and that I will apply to Med school. I'm not telling them which ones.
Which ones will I apply for? Yale, Dartmouth, Washington… maybe Harvard. Schools that will say:
Hell naw, homie, you ain't smart enough for us!
Then I'll tell Mom and Dad that I did my best, but I just wasn't meant for the whole doctor business (I can always resort to my usual crying and "I don't wanna keep doing this to myself!" speech I give around the holidays... highlighting my vomiting episodes prior to exams, "I puke out my fucking gall bladder, Ma!"). Hopefully they don't get NALEO up in this… I'll be screwed."She's a Mexican-American girl! You need Mexican-American girls in the medical field!"
Yeah... but with her GPA... not even affirmative action can help (curse you, affirmative action! I'd never resort to that. I'll be damned if I ever do).

My life is about to start, man! I'm going to say goodbye to all this medical school nonsense and say good-riddance to some of the worst humans I've met in my life (I met some great folks, but the bad outweighed the good). I'm done with cheaters… clicks… vomiting! I'm fucking D.O.N.E.
No more plankton! No more photosynthesis! No more pentose phosphate pathway!
(Ew, why the hell do all those start with P?)

Chase, if I ever get sad in your presence over saying goodbye to biology… please remind me of all the unpleasant moments… and never mention microbiology. I'm going to miss that subject.

I'm smiling for the first time in... months... and I mean, smiling with a sparkle in my eye and shit!
It's called hope, man... hope.

(All this while my poor little sister's life is crumbling to a million little pieces. She's been denied entry into her Major... after 2 years of taking lower division classes. She's been crying all day... then she takes a nap... only to wake up crying again. It's heartbreaking. She even cries out loud while showering. Whenever one of our parents asks her what the deal is with her tears, she breaks down and cries.
Makes me realize how good I am at hiding my pain. It wasn't a year ago that I felt like doing the same thing... but I'm so much better at appearing to be OK. It's what being a Pisces is all about. Sure, I'd cry in the shower... but always hold in my screams. I'd resort to screaming into the carpet when everyone else was asleep or out of the house. Sometimes I'd scream into my pillows... but I never screamed in anyone's presence.
I always look gully around people. Hella. AnoMALIE's great at being miserable behind closed doors... but not today, nope, not today. The roles have changed for the first time in... my life).