9495

It's your last day being 25, how did you spend it, AnoMALIE?
I was curled up in my bed, in the fetal position, and drinking tea... fighting the urge to vomit. Then, once I noticed that wasn't working, I just knelt by the toilet and began to pray to the porcelain god.

Right now I'm feeling recovered enough to type. I still feel that familiar pain in my stomach... and the thought of food makes me gag. I also have a massive headache.

I'm convinced my body wants nothing more but to die.

It has taken me about five hours to type this.
This shit is not fun at all.
While this may fall under the TMI category, let me just say: tamales are the most difficult things to vomit. Not even spaghetti is this much of a pain. Puta masa. To add insult to injury, the tamal was one of jalapeño slices with cheese. It's spicy as fuck... and the cheese is... ok, now I really am getting vulgar.

I just want to go to bed... even if it means I'm going to wake up 26 years old.

Napkins

Fuck... my condition isn't getting any better. I'm now throwing up at the sight of food.
Exactly why I don't fuck around. I'm paranoid enough without having to worry about unwanted pregnancies.

In slightly funny news: I have a thing where I don't mind telling dudes what I think if I find something attractive about them (unless it's Darcy or anyone of that status. I don't say shit around those guys). I do it matter-of-factly, without any intention of hooking up... I just tell it like it is (whereas any compliment I pay a guy I do like, it goes horribly wrong with my attempts to cover up my real attraction. "You have lovely dimples... not that I like dimples... dimples are gross... have you seen how they get with age? Those straight lines down the cheeks... Ugh... Oh man... not that YOURS will get like that. I'm sorry. I think yours will be lovely forever... not that I think of you in like... 'forever' terms... oh my God... I'll shut up now. Bye")... but discreetly.
I'm known for scribbling compliments on napkins to my servers... as I'm about to leave... kind of like a hit and run.
"Wow! Your eyes are amazing! :)" is the more popular one.
I don't do it in hopes of getting lucky or any of that shit. I don't compliment the dude then wink at him, or proceed to touch him, I just share information... but never shit like my name and especially not my number.

Leads me to last night.
I was out catching up with some middle school friends when I did the whole "you have dreamy eyes" thing to my server... 'cause he did.
Next thing I know, he's friending me on Facebook.
O... k...

I don't have the heart to say "Whoa... this is a one time thing, bro. I just think you have gorgeous eyes and I wanted to pay you the compliment... but it's not like I'm DTF or even DTCAM (down to catch a movie)." So now I have a friend with pretty eyes who I've only seen once in my life.

Needless to say, I'm done with scribbling shit on napkins... and then paying with my fucking credit card (I'm retarded. I know).

discombobulation

It's official: I REALLY want to get into UNLV.

My body is ALL discombobulated.
I've been leaving the remote control and my cell phone in random places like the vanity drawers and even the fridge.
This morning I also got in the shower while wearing my socks.
I'm doing that thing where I'm holding a conversation with someone, and then I say some random word that has nothing to do with the topic (So I was like "What the fuck" and the potato was like... Wait, where the hell did this potato come from? What potato? You just said "potato" That sort of shit).
I've been vomiting and feeling faint.
Ah... that good ol' days.

I wasn't aware I wanted this so bad... but there it is... undeniable proof. My subconscious is letting me know "Fuck this up, and I'll fuck YOU up."
Fun, really.
Funny thing? I did not vomit ONCE when looking into med schools. Not once.
Take that, med school! I never loved you! 

Must... get... away.

So... so freakin' tired.

My eyes hurt.

My brain hurts.

I've barfed.

I'm in a shitty mood.

I'm practically barking at people.

I'm tiiiiiredddddd, damn it!

(and now, I must stop typing like this, because I'm starting to feel like I'm writing Rosie O'Donnell's blog)

I can't wait 'till finals are done.

Till then (and I'm still fucking doing it!), I'll have to entertain myself by looking at funny pictures of "celebrities":

Oh, Nash, I had just told everyone how badass you are...
And, shit, I couldn't be any more right (that loss to damn San Antonio probably added to my bad mood today)!
Look at that dance move right there...
Hollaaa! Cool cat right thurrrrr! (granted, this is a couple of years old, but still)

Mon ennemi: l'ecole!

I hate how one little thing that could have made my day a couple of years ago, manages to mar a day that could have been pretty cool today.

Let's start off on why this day would have been cool (at the end, I'll add the little scenario that made me unable to enjoy any of today's events):
-I had studied all weekend! Do you know how hard that is for me?! I gave up drinks and a game of dodge ball in the name of biochemistry and mammalian physiology! But it did make me feel accomplished and special (and sorta, kinda nerdy). Anyway! This studying made me feel ready for school (blah blah blah) and I sort of understood what the teacher was saying (whenever I wasn't tuning out and drifting off into space).

-In class (while I was alone because Chase was feeling tired and stayed home) I noticed how I was completely surrounded by a certain group. I typically have "gaps" around where I sit... you know... one person sits a seat away from me... the other maybe 3? ha! Well, not in this class. It seems an ethnic group has decided to embrace me (because let's keep it real here: how many Latinos do you see in a science class? I sometimes become jealous of the people speaking Chinese to each other and wonder why I don't have anyone to speak Spanish with)! Who are they? Why, the very sweet an intelligent Asians!
I've been told a couple of times that I look Asian (one of the times it was one of my best friends saying this... a Vietnamese girl). I guess this eye can look Filipino sometimes:I get the whole "Are you Filipino?" question almost as often as the "Are you Muslim?" question (I wear this gold chain--like your typical Mexican-- of the virgin of Guadalupe I got when I was 9... and I guess she looks like a lady in a burqa... ??). These kids have decided to sit next to me and take me into their circle whenever my friend is absent. They do this every time, so I suppose I'm now part of a clique (a smart one, at that)! Yeah!!!

-In this class (where I'm the new pseudo-Asian) I don't usually have a hard time paying attention. The professor goes off on tangents that some people complain about, but I just can't get enough (I'd rather hear him talk about his research with turtles than hear another thing about the digestive system and stupid ass Peyer's Patches). Well, today we were talking about the male reproductive system, a subject I've tried VERY hard (haha, look at that, I can say puns) to listen to without cracking a smile. I've done this since 8th grade... and I thought I was good for today (especially since Chase wasn't there... so I had no one to crack jokes with) after so many years of practice.
I was OK at first... I looked at the images without laughing even after the dudes behind me laughed whenever the word "scrotum" was mentioned. Then came one of the professors tangents:

(talking about newborn baby boys)
Professors: So after the doctor's checked the baby's vitals... he'll quickly palpate the baby's scrotum... and what's that? (He was referring to "palpate")
Guy behind me who's in his late 20's (whispering): Someone palpating my scrotum? A party!
Me (internally): I am an adult... I am a... mature... grown ass... girl... oh, hell, who the fuck am I kidding? (out loud) AHAHAHAHA!

-After class, rather than staying at school for endless hours wanting to bang my head against a table until I fall unconscious, I got to go home. Once there, I was able to run for an hour, take a shower... and go back to school refreshed and... feeling freaking great. I also brought Chase to school with me. I prefer to ride in a car with another person rather than going alone. Gives me someone to talk to instead of concentrating on cussing out other drivers (don't get me wrong, I'll call someone a douche bag regardless of who's in my car). So that made me happy.

More interesting, OK stuff happened... but I'm getting sleepy... let's just get to me puking already:
My day would have been acceptable if I hadn't bumped into... Staff Writer (works for a local magazine... as well as some free-lance stuff), an ex-English teacher that was... well.. we had a thing a while back (he also read my very personal on-line diary by googling my name... and that had me upset for a while). Back in the day when I really had it bad for him, each time I'd see him my body would undergo all this weird shit: legs going wobbly, heart racing, dizzy spells, stuttering, shaky voice, watery eyes... basically my body shutting down on me.
Well... things ran their semi-normal course, I found out he was an alcoholic... he worked a ton... I liked math... I couldn't/didn't want to go to clubs... it was just... done.
I stopped seeing him... and it was this really difficult transition for me... especially since I still read his shit from time to time.
Anyway, I hadn't seen him for a while... I just knew he had been in Brazil from February till the last weekend of March thanks to Myspace. I felt safe then, knowing I wouldn't bump into him in any way. Of course, being that I'm AnoMALIE and all, something was bound to go wrong.

Guess who intercepted me today between the Chem and Physics buildings?
Why, Staff Writer, of course!

I was busy looking at the cracks of the sidewalk as I walked to class (because I'd rather look at the sidewalk than make any eye contact with anyone) when all of a sudden a hand grabs me (lightly) by the arm.
WTF? Who dares and touches me?!
I look up... and oh shit! I know those huge blue eyes!
SW: AnoMALIE?
He remembers my name?
Me: Oh hey! (I came off louder than expected)
We exchanged pleasantries... "How've you been?" "What are you up to?" "When the hell were you going to tell me you went to Brazil, you son of a bitch?!" (ok, I didn't say that last one... but I would have if I hadn't been so... mesmerized over the fact that I was talking to him again).
However, the entire time, I felt the whole... dizziness and related illness while talking to him. I just wanted it all to end as soon as possible.
SW: Well, it was nice bumping into you again.
Me: Yeah (smiling like an imbecile)!!

We parted ways... and he kept walking down towards the Chem building while I made a bee-line for the Physics building.
Where did I go? To vomit, of course.
I'm weak... yeah... and it crapped-up my otherwise nice day full of immaturity.

It's back to living my life in fear of bumping into Staff Writer once more...
I just love being a fourteen-year-old all over again. It makes me feel so alive!

(I fucking hate this, dude, I hate it!)