No, really. I do.
I've spent 2 years fucking around... not literally... because then I wouldn't be complaining.
I mean... I've spent 2 years running after a guy... holding on to a ray of hope... just... fuck, being a totally imbecile... "waiting" for him.
I've gone out of my fucking way to spend time with him for the last 2 years (well, almost). Yes, I love San Francisco, it's an absolutely wonderful city... but my favorite aspect was that I got to be with him. I could have been at a fucking landfill, but as long as it'd be with him, I'd be in paradise.
Well, it's over.
He made his choice, and I lost... to her:
???
I'm a patient girl. I mean... if being a 25 year-old, born and raised Vegas girl, that's still a member of the V club doesn't serve as testament, I don't know what the FUCK does.
But... when I lose to that ^... when I lose to Olive Oyl... I can't help but... want to cry.
How much MORE can I wait? Seriously? How much longer can I put up with that sort of shit?
I just find my spite levels spike.
I don't know... maybe I'm WAY uglier than I think I am. And my personality must REALLY suck.
25 years and still alone kind of sort of... solidifies that idea.
So...
I'm... sort of... kind of devasated.
And no matter how many people pat me in the back and tell me that "he's an idiot for not picking you," it's not going to help.
This scenario just repeats itself... continuously. I'm ALWAYS the loser. ALWAYS.
To add insult to injury, Saturday night I saw my childhood crush's child for the first time. No, not the soccer playing asshole I told never to contact me again (the one who had a kid in 11th grade and broke my heart for the rest of my life)... but another one... one that was SO close to being mine... but due to him living in Michigan, I had to come to terms with the fact that it could never be.
I find myself in the position of admiring what "could have been" my story.
Smile... even if it is bitterly... to make others think I'm ok.
I'm ALWAYS the loser, and I'm not quite sure how much more of this I can take.
How many times can I smile, as my heart goes cliff-diving, before my entire body gets the urge to just...
you know.
"He'll come... one day, he'll come."
No, no he won't.
3 comments:
Fuck. Him.
Guys are fucking retarded. I got some shit to tell you about Kyle. Atleast you got to worry about another GIRL. Yeah...I know what you're thinking.
It's our luck. As shitty as it is.
I think we need amulets or something. Japanese good luck charms!!
Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't love you as much as you love them?
good question, anonymous... I ask it often. I guess I'm stubborn and I hold on to the idea that one day that will change. It's the optimistic idiot that lives inside me. I'm far too attached to the guy and he knows me better than any other guy... I feel if HE can't love me, then no one else will... I guess.
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