Wednesday, October 1, 2014


I'm home! I'm home, I'm home, I'M HOME!

Good god... that was an exhausting trip. How many times was my flight on time? ZERO. Of the four flights I took in the last week, NONE were on time... not one. All were at least an hour and a half delayed... one getting cancelled. It was motherfucking hell.
Fuck Chicago. FUCK FUCK FUCK that city.
Just when I was starting to make peace with the city, some stupid bullshit would happen, and all progress made would go to shit.
Hey! I found an amazing bakery! WOOHOO! I think I love you, Chicago.
*twenty minutes later*
What... the fuck is happening? Is it... windy? Wait... are those clouds? WAIT! IS IT RAINING NOW?! BUT I JUST GOT OUT OF THE CAR IN A DEEP V-NECK! MY HAIIIIIIR! FUCK YOU, CHICAGO!

Ohhhh! That pulled pork burger and selection of beer at Kuma's Corner was bomb! Chicago, you're fun! Let's go grab dessert in the Ukrainian village now!
*Ten minutes later*
What the fuck do you mean you're closed? EVERYTHING HERE IS CLOSED? BUT IT'S ONLY 7PM! FUCK YOU, CHICAGO!

Everything about this last week was a fucking roller-coaster... and not in the fun way.
My emotions were shot, my timing was off... my eating was random... One minute dudes were flirting with me, and the next I had the world telling me I was an old bitch. One minute my sister's cat was forcing me to hold her, the next the little cunt was pissing all over my suitcase.

Madness, guys... it was all fucking madness.

But I'm home... I'm finally home. The weather is beautiful, my car is running like a jet, my gym homies are all back and NOT fighting with one another, my eating schedule is back on track, I have a nice bathroom all to myself (where I am free to move and swat my arms around in the shower without banging into a wall-- I bruised myself so hard at my sister's place. Girl has the world's smallest bathroom... although it still beats the time in NYC where I showered in her friend's kitchen... a shower IN THE KITCHEN. Weirdest, most uncomfortable thing EVER), and I can go to the store whenever the fuck I want.

I love Las Vegas. I love my hometown... I fucking love it.

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