Monday, January 26, 2015

Niña no fui

These last few weeks have been the fucking shittiest.
And now I'm fighting the flu... which is always fun.
The only two employees my folks had working full time quit as soon as we returned from vacation, and all hell has broken loose since then. My dad goes in and works the morning shifts every day, and my mom goes in for the afternoon-closing shift. I go and "keep Mom company" (don't want to say something that will have me lose my healthcare benefits, especially since I'm not getting paid for my time) once the sun goes down. This is every day.

Aside from the primary job of my folks, we're also working our asses off rebuilding a house we're supposed to have prepared for February 1st. That whole remodeling shit is terrible because we're working against the clock each day, since we haven't even hooked up the electricity. Each day we have until around 4pm to get as much done before we lose sunlight.
I now know more about building a fucking house than I ever thought I'd know... or would fucking care to know. Goddamn stereotypes are true as fuck... I'm fucking AMAZING at house remodeling... my perfectionism comes into play and I build/paint/sweep/cut/break/sweet/push/mend/clean like a motherfucking MASTER. It's tedious work, but I'll be fucking damned if I hand over a half-assed product. I'm polishing the FUCK out of everything. And I know it won't be returned to us in the same condition we rent it out, but there I am, still scrubbing/painting/sanding/chiseling away like motherfucking Michelangelo n shit.

Have I mentioned all this before? I don't remember, because I'm so tired and frustrated, it's hard for me to concentrate. It doesn't help that I have people on my ass, complaining and nagging about my behavior... and that just further aggravates me... it fucking rattles me. Needy folk stress the fucking shit out of me.

Yesterday I did return one of the calls I had missed earlier in the week.
I shouldn't have.
Now all I can think of is what... a jerk a certain dude can be.
It also makes me sit in awe over how the world works... how everything really does happen for a reason... as shitty as that fucking event may seem at the time.
"Why not me?! What's so wrong with ME? AM I NOT A GIRL?!" That famous meltdown of mine from like... Jesus, that was six years ago... man... Oh, anyway, yeah, that meltdown I look back on and realize that uh... that was probably the best blessing ever. Good Lord, I'm happy I wasn't a girl to him back then... fuck!

Patient. I must be patient.
And less naive. 

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