Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015? That shit a typo?

I cringe now that I have to check in with my resolutions from last year.
I think I kept it short... but let's see.

1. Smile more often. I look like a homicidal psychopath when I'm not smiling.
2. Good vibes. Avoid negativity... especially when I am the one emitting that shit. It's not cool.
3. Muscle. I will build some nice muscle and quit being so lax on the diet. I'm old, I need to watch myself.
4. Learn to take a compliment... and more importantly, believe it when someone compliments me.
5. Make an effort to take care of my physical appearance.... there's nothing wrong with being a girly-girl. It's about time I gave a shit about facials and all that shit.


Now to dissect each one.
1. Nope. Still looking like the good ol' homicidal psychopath. I think I may have frowned more this year than previous years. Prior to Athens, I actually had some horrible scowl-lines by my mouth. Athens seriously has some rejuvenating powers, because my skin did some backwards aging out there... acne included. Ha! But seriously, my forehead looks fucking good, and I was over here thinking about Botox... pfft!
Anyway, I failed this one... especially since I can count how many times I smiled January-August using only the fingers on one hand.
Fuck.

2. Goddamn it... failed this one as well. While I wasn't really "absorbing" the negative vibes of others (uh... no, actually, I was... since I was able to feel SO MUCH rage from the actions of others... like the whole July babyshower fiasco etc), I was DEFINITELY in a negative space. I was mean. I angrily glared at people who got too close to me at the gym... ugh... I was odious.
FUCK!

3. OH GOD! NO! FUCKING THIRD ONE IN A ROW! Failure again. Jesus. My arms got buff as fuck... as did my back. I have traps that even men would envy. Everywhere else? BAHAHAHA! NO! No, wait, my abs were pretty badass around February/March. I actually had a sweet four-pack going on. My quads were behaving themselves around the start of the year as well... but uh... all bets were off around September. I INDULGED like a biiiitch. It also didn't help that I acquired a nasty, bothersome injury so early in the year. You really take your metatarsals for granted until you fuck one up and find yourself hobbling all over the place. By December, I let my sweet tooth rule my world. Rome? I ate. Barcelona? I ate. Paris? I ATE. Athens? I was a motherfucking GLUTTON. Athens does this cool thing, where they give you free drinks at the start of your meal, free dessertS (yes, MULTIPLE DESSERTS! Is it obvious why I fucking love the place now?), and then they also give you a dessert shot of liquor. I mean... FUCK! I ate my motherfucking heart out. DEEP-FRIED FETA CHEESE DRIZZLED WITH HONEY, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! JESUS! Ok, sorry, this subject is just so thrilling for me.
Anyway, yeah, failed with this one.
Blah.

4. Hey! I got this one! I'm actually pretty good with compliments now! Woo! This brings me back to this recent Euro-trip. I was terrible at realizing when guys were flirting... I'd catch the drift way after leaving them. "Wait... oh! He said that because... OH! I GET IT!"
I had this moment at the Louvre, where I was cutting it close for Mass at Notre Dame (hey, don't judge me. I was in Paris for the Virgin of Guadalupe's day... she's my homegirl), so I NEEDED to leave the museum if I wanted to make it to Mass on time. I saw a dude, probably early 30's, standing near an exit sign. He was a worker, in a nice suit, with a name tag... so I approached him and asked if that was the way out.
He looked me right in the face (Parisian men have a thing for holding eye-contact which make me a little uncomfortable... it's a freakishly long time which they insist on looking you dead on in the face... examining every last detail about it. It's crazy. I bet they can give pretty accurate description to police portrait artists), smiled... said "As-salamu alaykum," then "Bonjour?" then "hello?" then "hola?" and smiled some more. I asked again, this time in French. "But why would you want to leave? Where are you going?" he asked. "I need to get to Notre Dame before 6:30," I said. The guy got closer to me, smiled, then said "Ah, yes, the exit. I can take you to it, though I'd hate to see you leave..."-- still holding eye-contact with me, looking serious. I panicked, my eyes large as hell, eyebrows up in surprise. "Oh my god! Why?! What's wrong?" I said, thinking I was in trouble for... well, I don't know, it was Paris... they do whatever the fuck they want... I could have been in trouble for wearing blue pants with my red sweater, for all I knew.
The guy's semi-smile turned to a disappointed frown, he straightened his blazer, then said "I really shouldn't be doing this, but, I'll take you through this very special exit. Come along, follow me." And ta-da! exit through the shop. "Have a great time at Notre Dame. Au revoir."
I then jetted over to Notre Dame, and it wasn't until I was in the middle of Mass that it dawned on me that the poor guy was doing all he could to flirt... but it was like flirting with a wall.
He was cute... like a younger version of the actor who plays Littlefinger on Game of Thrones (so I have a thing for that little weasel. Again, don't judge me). I'm just too slow at picking up on flirtatious conversation. "He was trying to flirt? WHY?!"
Stories like that peppered my December trip... I'll probably talk about it later, but enough for now. Point is, while I'm SLOW at noticing when a guy wants to flirt with me (well, when he's not as straightforward as the sickos who do shit like physically GRAB me or do that tongue thing when I walk by [the one where they display how talented they are with their tongue action], as though that ever works with anyone who is NOT a nymphomaniac), but I don't get all worked up when they toss me a compliment. I giggle now... like a teenager. Baby steps.

5. Ummm... this I will consider a failure. From around July until now, I have broken out worse than I ever have... not even my teen years were this bad. I blame my diet for the outbreak. I've been pretty lax about my beauty regimen, usually falling asleep with mascara still on my face and that sort of shit. I did buy retinol to prevent/ease wrinkles back in June... but I have yet to use it. I'm a TERRIBLE girl. Fucking TERRIBLE! Oh! Well, it can't be a complete failure-- I DID get a manicure last month before heading out to Athens... that was mighty girly of me (I then proceeded to remove the gel polish with my teeth two weeks later... even after hearing the nail lady lecture me on the proper removal procedure for a good ten minutes. NOT very girly of me. My nails are wrecked).

Good Lord... 2014 was a massive failure.
My bad.
I knew I should have mentioned something about traveling. I had that shit DOWN! Once again I visited a new country/city for like... my fourth year. That was rad as fuck.

I guess I'll go ahead and do some resolutions.
1. DROP THE FUCKING COOKIES, ANoMALIE! I will go back to my strict "clean" eating (I fucking hate that term). I won't be as much of a nazi about it, though. Slap me if I ever try lecturing you on the "evils" of certain foods. You like sugar/salt/tasty shit and you're happy with your image? Well, shit, that's all that matters (well, as long as you're not acquiring diabetes or any of those health problems). And please, for the love of my sanity, don't try bullying me into eating after I tell you No. Bad things happen when people don't respect my "No."
2. I WILL NOT BE A CUNT! This is what? My 20th year saying this?
3. I will take time-outs. I won't try and act like everything is OK, and allow bad shit to accumulate, only for me to have major melt-downs like I tend to do. If something bothers me or upsets me, I won't subject myself to "roughing it." To "power through." I'll straight call a time-out and just... leave. Chill time... I'll have chill time.
4. DON'T TALK SHIT. Walk away, Holmes, walk away.
5. Don't let trolls get the best of me. I learned there are a good few people in my life who actively seek to rile me up. Why they enjoy this is beyond me... makes me sad FOR THEM... because there are much more interesting things out there to do besides upsetting me... but to each their own. I'll do my best not to give them any satisfaction.
6. My most ambitious move EVER: I'll sell one of my works. I don't know what... but it'll be ANYTHING, for WHATEVER price... just not free. I've sold two photographs in the past, but everything else I've given away for free. I won't specify whether it'll be a short story, or a painting, or a photograph... just anything my two hands have created.

Should I add something relating to my sentimental life?
Nah. I've been good neglecting that aspect for the last few years. That shit always ruins my year... so I'm good just completely ignoring that part of a person's life. I don't need it. I don't use it.
Just like spirituality is something unimportant in the lives of many, "love"/"relationships" is a dead, non-existent part in my life. Period. No use acknowledging it.

2015... AAAAAHHHHH! Is this for real?!
Be good. Please.

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