You know what really fucking works me up? People who don't fucking "get it," people who don't even bother to empathize one single fucking bit with my... way.
I hate people getting pissed at me because I have difficulty being social.
I hate how some people think it's SO FUCKING easy to just go out and socialize.
I ESPECIALLY hate it when this person is someone who has seen me ACTIVELY attempt being social, only to be fucking humiliated or publicly insulted in some way. They see this fucking shit go down and STILL not empathize.
"Maybe it's all in your head... ?" some people have told me.
All in my head... really? I really just imagine people talking shit about my clothes or my voice or my smile or... my personality? REALLY? I just fucking imagine a guy screaming "Dyke!" into my face at a party because I push away his physical advances? For reals? Like... he might have been screaming "BIKE!" at me instead and my mind just misconstrued it all? For reals? This is all conjured by my fucking imagination because I fucking like it or some shit?
I swear I fucking try, and I try HARD to socialize and not be fucking awkward... but goddamn it! It's motherfucking hard as fuck! And PARDON ME for refusing to subject myself to the motherfucking torture that it is to try and be... "social" with fucking strangers every once in a while. Goddamn. My fucking bad. How motherfucking selfish of me. FUCK!
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's me!" ... Yeah, it's you. And I don't know how fucking drunk you've been the other times we've chilled... but I always come home from the events and cry my fucking eyes out because someone did or said something to me that seriously hurt my feelings... or made do something stupid, or made me feel fucking stupid... or worse yet, made me feel fucking invisible... or gross. I mean, if I wanted to be fucking invisible, I just would have stayed home and painted the night away, out of everyone's view... at least then I'd be comfortable/relaxed/not going deaf with the fucking shitty music played at hipster bars.
I don't fucking like the vibe. I don't fucking like drinking. I think people are fucking rude and I'm too aggro to put up with their fucking shit for more than ten minutes.
It DRAINS ME. It makes me UNCOMFORTABLE. People DON'T LIKE ME... and when they DO, they get too pushy on me, which only results on me stiff-arming the shit out of them so they can cut their shit out, and THEN they proceed to hate me.
Don't ACT like you've "tried" fixing me... because hanging out with me for fiteen minutes at a six-hour-long party doesn't fucking count-- it doesn't even scratch the surface, those fucking fifteen minutes. What can I tell you in fifteen minutes? What can you conclude in fifteen minutes? That I'm shy? That I'm uncomfortable? That I'm sad and distant? You'll maybe notice the latter, but will be too uncomfortable discussing, so you will just ignore it... but ohhh man! You fucking tried! Bravo. Fucking bravo.
Go ahead, make me feel guilty. Go ahead and chastise me. Go ahead and make me feel like a horrible fucking person because I refuse to participate in an activity that leaves me feeling lonelier and stupider and uglier once I'm done. Go on, now. Go on and vent your fucking frustration with me and ACT like you know anything about me. Act like you know where the fuck I'm coming from.
People who try to "fix" me with some sort of "man up!" speech deserve a punch in the mouth. A motherfucking punch to the teeth with a brick.
Goddamn. People make me feel like shit.
I hate people getting pissed at me because I have difficulty being social.
I hate how some people think it's SO FUCKING easy to just go out and socialize.
I ESPECIALLY hate it when this person is someone who has seen me ACTIVELY attempt being social, only to be fucking humiliated or publicly insulted in some way. They see this fucking shit go down and STILL not empathize.
"Maybe it's all in your head... ?" some people have told me.
All in my head... really? I really just imagine people talking shit about my clothes or my voice or my smile or... my personality? REALLY? I just fucking imagine a guy screaming "Dyke!" into my face at a party because I push away his physical advances? For reals? Like... he might have been screaming "BIKE!" at me instead and my mind just misconstrued it all? For reals? This is all conjured by my fucking imagination because I fucking like it or some shit?
I swear I fucking try, and I try HARD to socialize and not be fucking awkward... but goddamn it! It's motherfucking hard as fuck! And PARDON ME for refusing to subject myself to the motherfucking torture that it is to try and be... "social" with fucking strangers every once in a while. Goddamn. My fucking bad. How motherfucking selfish of me. FUCK!
"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But it's me!" ... Yeah, it's you. And I don't know how fucking drunk you've been the other times we've chilled... but I always come home from the events and cry my fucking eyes out because someone did or said something to me that seriously hurt my feelings... or made do something stupid, or made me feel fucking stupid... or worse yet, made me feel fucking invisible... or gross. I mean, if I wanted to be fucking invisible, I just would have stayed home and painted the night away, out of everyone's view... at least then I'd be comfortable/relaxed/not going deaf with the fucking shitty music played at hipster bars.
I don't fucking like the vibe. I don't fucking like drinking. I think people are fucking rude and I'm too aggro to put up with their fucking shit for more than ten minutes.
It DRAINS ME. It makes me UNCOMFORTABLE. People DON'T LIKE ME... and when they DO, they get too pushy on me, which only results on me stiff-arming the shit out of them so they can cut their shit out, and THEN they proceed to hate me.
Don't ACT like you've "tried" fixing me... because hanging out with me for fiteen minutes at a six-hour-long party doesn't fucking count-- it doesn't even scratch the surface, those fucking fifteen minutes. What can I tell you in fifteen minutes? What can you conclude in fifteen minutes? That I'm shy? That I'm uncomfortable? That I'm sad and distant? You'll maybe notice the latter, but will be too uncomfortable discussing, so you will just ignore it... but ohhh man! You fucking tried! Bravo. Fucking bravo.
Go ahead, make me feel guilty. Go ahead and chastise me. Go ahead and make me feel like a horrible fucking person because I refuse to participate in an activity that leaves me feeling lonelier and stupider and uglier once I'm done. Go on, now. Go on and vent your fucking frustration with me and ACT like you know anything about me. Act like you know where the fuck I'm coming from.
People who try to "fix" me with some sort of "man up!" speech deserve a punch in the mouth. A motherfucking punch to the teeth with a brick.
Goddamn. People make me feel like shit.
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