Angels and Demons

Top Stories of the week:

1. I was approached the other day in this manner:
"Yo... gimme some good break up songs."
Me: What type? There are different ways of approaching a breakup.
"You know... the 'You broke up with me, but I don't give a fuck because I fucking hate you anyways, you fucking asshole and I'm moving the fuck on without your stupid ass' type of song"
Me: Oh... sorry... all my breakup songs are along the lines of "You broke up with me... but it's ok... I'll keep loving you anyway... because I'm a dumbfuck like that..." type song
"Yeah... that shit won't do."

2. I spent the last week going to church EVERY day... all in honor of the Virgin of Guadalupe, who is celebrated today (while I am a follower and I do have her image dangling from my neck in a nice gold chain I've worn since 4th grade... the actual celebration drives me ape shit. WAYYY too many people go to church and act barbaric and DON'T follow rules... etc. It just... exasperates me. For that precise reason, I got my ass up at 4:30 in the morning today and went to the very first mass of the day, which was at 6 AM. Of course, while it went swimmingly for the most part... I got there sort of late and I had to sit in the back with all the men who were sitting there because they were gonna leave ASAP afterwards to some construction site job. Anyway, some of these dudes were... well... being typical Mexicans. One in particular had a thing for leaning into me... like... actually, physically touching me, putting a lot of his weight with his entire left arm all over my arm/chest... and while I'd give him the "WTF is your problem, bitch? Want me to punch you?" look, he gave me the "hehe... it was an accident... for the fifth time..." look. But eh... whatever... at least he smelled nice. haha). One of these days, we got there while English mass was still going on. One of my favorite priests (the one I like getting confessed by) was the one running the show that day, so we (mom, sis, and I) took a seat and listened to the end of it, acting like we knew what was going on and stuff.
Everything was fine and dandy up until the end.
He walked into the... sacristy (?) [That little hidden room where they have the holy water and stuff stashed... where they change into their garb...], he was out of our sight... and that's when it happened:
He forgot to turn off his mic.
The choir was going off singing their song (which I find BORING. I'm not a fan. It's a major reason why I avoid English mass... it's too dry for my taste... the words... the voice... the instruments... the singers... they're so... blah-- and often really mean to us Hispanic people at church... they look at us like we're about to mug their uptight ass) when this super loud... somewhat maniacal laughter overpowered the singer's voice. Everyone looked back at the choir... as if the noise were coming from them... but Little Sister and I knew immediately what was going on...
so we broke laughing... out loud.
We looked around and everyone was freaking out.
Not the typical "AHHHH!! We're all gonna die!" type freak-out... but the "oh... my... God... what... is this... oh... God... what's happening? I'm scared... is this... the end of the world?" type freakout.
The people were frozen in place, looking around wide-eyed, as this LOUD, scary laugh was resounding throughout church.... with the choir lady still singing.
Then the laughing stops... well, from the priest, Little Sis and I are still laughing, tears streaming down our face.
"Ha-ha-ha... FUCK YOU!!" we hear the priest say.
...
o...k... not cool...
And that's when Little Sis and I sort of stopped our fit of laughter and got a little bummed out.

TravelinDin: Dude... he's human afterall...
Me: Dude... I tell this guy my sins... WTF?

"This is not India!" the Priest goes on.
By now, I just wanna go in there to prevent the man from going on and eventually hurting people's feelings any further... luckily, someone beat me to it and the place went silent.
Poor white people (and a family of Indians...) walked out of church pretty upset.
I just laughed for another half hour, then felt stupid wondering if this guy goes around making fun of my sins and stuff...
Poor dude.

3. My remaining grandfather is delusional now. He's going around making up some CRAZY stories about my mom (i.e. that she's cheating on my father so grandpa wants to kill her.... yeah...) and us kids ("They said they were coming to see me... they told me on the internet!" He has never been near a computer...). This has my dad pretty upset. He now wants to exorcise him... because according to Dad, "THIS IS THE WORK OF A DEMON!"

I don't know who's crazier...