Desencanto

Bilbao

I live in constant fear of falling out of love with stuff.
I'm pretty sure it's why I'm so careful... downright reluctant to grow to love things.
When I visit places for the first time, and I love it, I'm hesitant to return, because the disenchantment sucks.

Bilbao was a strange place for me the first time around. People were so... cold, but somehow, I felt like I had known the place in a past life. I was comfortable. People didn't fuck with you, and they all were mindful of their own business.
Aside from the people, the actual place was beautiful.
I fell in love.

After five years of not seeing it, D and I were eager to return... that whole salmon-instinct we seem to possess. I no longer cared about my fear of the possibility of becoming disenchanted by the place... I just had to return.
We figured we only needed a day to see the place, especially since we only know two people out there.

Upon landing in Bilbao, our hearts were racing. As the taxi zipped through the green mountains, D and I would excitedly look over at each other and clap.
Everything was fantastic at first... as we strolled around Bilbao.
Our first location was the Guggenheim.
Nothing had changed... seriously. The place remained unchanged.
Hmmm... well... that's a little sad.
The day was gloomy... with random moments of clarity.

We made our way to the tiny suburbs, where D and her friends had lived, and that's where our hearts broke.
The sense of familiarity was gone. It was a hostile... foreign... cold place. This was no longer "ours." It was... a sad reminder of what USED to be... but will no longer return.
Five years ago, the place was surrounded by precious little babies/kids who behaved like mini adults... now, those babies were annoying, rude little kids and obnoxious teens.
Even the voice used to announce the metro stops had changed... a voice that was so comforting to listen to as it pronounced the bizarre towns:
Etxebarri, Erandio, Lutxana, Leioa, Sopelana, Deusto, Larrabasterra, Plentzia, Bidezabal, Algorta, Neguri, AREETA, Lamiako, Astrabudua, Moyua, Abando.
Now, even that was a stranger.

D: This place... is no longer how I remembered. It's just reminding me of BETTER days that will never return... I don't like it... I think... I think I'm going to cry... I need to go back to my room... let's get out of here.

It was a heartbreaking reality.
We walked a number of miles of the beach... looking out at the cold water... silently acknowledging we had never belonged to this place. It had all been a fairy tale... a dream from which we had been abruptly shaken awake.

We returned to our room at seven in the afternoon.
We quietly laid in our beds and fell asleep.