My friends... my close friends, all knew what was going down these last two weeks.
They never admitted it, but I'm sure they felt sorry for me (not the type of pity I hate, but that... head shake you make when a friend tells you of a terrible idea of theirs, but you just let them do it... because you know trying to convince them otherwise would be futile... so you just... shake your head. Oh... baby... bad idea... but... ok...), because I'm an idiot with poor luck.
I did not cry a single day in these two weeks. I think it was two weeks. I attribute this to that initial shock I have to traumatic events.
Wait... no... I did cry last week... when... I... was cornered at a pub by a moron who does not understand no means NO... a manipulative, lying idiot.
It was all too much.
I would look around and note no one would try and get this blubbering moron off me... and it would sometimes make me laugh out loud to see how BAD everyone was at noticing my discomfort... some of them even encouraging it. Then I grew upset thinking that maybe it was because no one CARED about my discomfort... and once that idea entered my mind, I spent the rest of the night trying my hardest not to cry.
You're alone. You're a stranger. All you have is this creep who is hounding you like a vulture does a dying animal... and all you want to do is kick and scream and disappear... as everyone around you has a good time, has a partner, is part of a group... group that occasionally turns around to watch you squirm... with zero intent to help you out.
I'm just a piece of meat for this hyena... that's all I've EVER been. I don't matter... I NEVER DID!
I ran to my car that night... I jogged through the casino, and once I entered the parking lot, I burst into a sprint. The tears flowed the moment I started the sprint... the sobbing didn't start until I entered the safety of my car.
Obviously this reaction stems from my childhood.
I grow agitated when someone pushes themselves on me... regardless of HOW MANY TIMES I've told them no... regardless of the DIFFERENT WAYS I've told them NO. Hmmm... I wonder why...
When I see people apathetic to my distress... well... that just... devastates me. Few things hurt more than this... very, very few things.
These are things that will always hurt me, for as long as I live... I know it.
The fact that this all happened in Darcy's presence... killed me.
Just another slap across the face from Life, trying it's damn hardest to cement the fact that I am, and have been, rather meaningless in his life.
Just another girl. Nothing more, nothing less.
(Ohhhh shiiit! Look at me on my Kanye rant flow! I think I have juice for another story before I go to bed... perhaps two if I stay focused)
They never admitted it, but I'm sure they felt sorry for me (not the type of pity I hate, but that... head shake you make when a friend tells you of a terrible idea of theirs, but you just let them do it... because you know trying to convince them otherwise would be futile... so you just... shake your head. Oh... baby... bad idea... but... ok...), because I'm an idiot with poor luck.
I did not cry a single day in these two weeks. I think it was two weeks. I attribute this to that initial shock I have to traumatic events.
Wait... no... I did cry last week... when... I... was cornered at a pub by a moron who does not understand no means NO... a manipulative, lying idiot.
It was all too much.
I would look around and note no one would try and get this blubbering moron off me... and it would sometimes make me laugh out loud to see how BAD everyone was at noticing my discomfort... some of them even encouraging it. Then I grew upset thinking that maybe it was because no one CARED about my discomfort... and once that idea entered my mind, I spent the rest of the night trying my hardest not to cry.
You're alone. You're a stranger. All you have is this creep who is hounding you like a vulture does a dying animal... and all you want to do is kick and scream and disappear... as everyone around you has a good time, has a partner, is part of a group... group that occasionally turns around to watch you squirm... with zero intent to help you out.
I'm just a piece of meat for this hyena... that's all I've EVER been. I don't matter... I NEVER DID!
I ran to my car that night... I jogged through the casino, and once I entered the parking lot, I burst into a sprint. The tears flowed the moment I started the sprint... the sobbing didn't start until I entered the safety of my car.
Obviously this reaction stems from my childhood.
I grow agitated when someone pushes themselves on me... regardless of HOW MANY TIMES I've told them no... regardless of the DIFFERENT WAYS I've told them NO. Hmmm... I wonder why...
When I see people apathetic to my distress... well... that just... devastates me. Few things hurt more than this... very, very few things.
These are things that will always hurt me, for as long as I live... I know it.
The fact that this all happened in Darcy's presence... killed me.
Just another slap across the face from Life, trying it's damn hardest to cement the fact that I am, and have been, rather meaningless in his life.
Just another girl. Nothing more, nothing less.
(Ohhhh shiiit! Look at me on my Kanye rant flow! I think I have juice for another story before I go to bed... perhaps two if I stay focused)
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