Went to bed with "nictitating membrane" plaguing my mind.
I cried... I ruminated... I sketched... I fucking did all that typical AnoMALIE shit.
I didn't puke though... I mostly just cried.
It's that scenario I dread: Hey, marry this guy. He's rich, prestigious, he likes you and wants you... you're old and no one else is hollering... marry this guy and just LEARN to love him.
Just rework it so it has to do with my career.
It wants you, it's interesting, nothing else is biting... sure, you'll vomit on the regular due to the stress of your unhappiness... but FUCK IT! You've been unhappy for the greater part of your life, you'll learn to handle this.
This research takes place in south east Mexico... the beach.
I like the beach... for two days. Years? After a month, I'll jump into the ocean... never to be heard from again, like in the REAL Little Mermaid (I won't turn into sea foam, but I'll definitely DIE).
But... after much thought... I'm contacting this guy and seeing where this takes me.
Who's to say the Universe doesn't conspire to fuck this up for me as well? Maybe FrenchDude (SUPER stereotypical name... just GUESS... it's like if I were named "Maria") catches on to the fact that I'm not as cool as Daniel made me sound... and he cuts me loose... ?
If this opportunity ACTUALLY works out? No worries... I won't really commit suicide... I'll just live a really, REALLY sad life... with a bunch of scientists and crocodiles... in the Mexican humidity... my skin in fucking perpetual adolescence.
At least... I'll be legitimately alone, right? Away from everything and everyone...
Jesus Christ.
(When I was about 10, I remember helping out at church for a Virgin of Guadalupe celebration where they had 32 little kids with sashes representing all 32 Mexican states. I wanted Durango... but of course, the person running the show made her daughter be DGO's representative. I was given a random sash, and read the name to myself: Tabasco? Isn't that a hot sauce? Is that where they make the fucking hot sauce?! I'm representing a HOT SAUCE in front of THE VIRGIN OF GUADALUPE?! TABASCO?!
... This is where I'd be relocating if it all works out. I wish I were kidding...)
I cried... I ruminated... I sketched... I fucking did all that typical AnoMALIE shit.
I didn't puke though... I mostly just cried.
It's that scenario I dread: Hey, marry this guy. He's rich, prestigious, he likes you and wants you... you're old and no one else is hollering... marry this guy and just LEARN to love him.
Just rework it so it has to do with my career.
It wants you, it's interesting, nothing else is biting... sure, you'll vomit on the regular due to the stress of your unhappiness... but FUCK IT! You've been unhappy for the greater part of your life, you'll learn to handle this.
This research takes place in south east Mexico... the beach.
I like the beach... for two days. Years? After a month, I'll jump into the ocean... never to be heard from again, like in the REAL Little Mermaid (I won't turn into sea foam, but I'll definitely DIE).
But... after much thought... I'm contacting this guy and seeing where this takes me.
Who's to say the Universe doesn't conspire to fuck this up for me as well? Maybe FrenchDude (SUPER stereotypical name... just GUESS... it's like if I were named "Maria") catches on to the fact that I'm not as cool as Daniel made me sound... and he cuts me loose... ?
If this opportunity ACTUALLY works out? No worries... I won't really commit suicide... I'll just live a really, REALLY sad life... with a bunch of scientists and crocodiles... in the Mexican humidity... my skin in fucking perpetual adolescence.
At least... I'll be legitimately alone, right? Away from everything and everyone...
Jesus Christ.
(When I was about 10, I remember helping out at church for a Virgin of Guadalupe celebration where they had 32 little kids with sashes representing all 32 Mexican states. I wanted Durango... but of course, the person running the show made her daughter be DGO's representative. I was given a random sash, and read the name to myself: Tabasco? Isn't that a hot sauce? Is that where they make the fucking hot sauce?! I'm representing a HOT SAUCE in front of THE VIRGIN OF GUADALUPE?! TABASCO?!
... This is where I'd be relocating if it all works out. I wish I were kidding...)
No comments:
Post a Comment