The night my best friend's mom passed away, I spent it crying my eyes out, uncontrollably, and for no known reason. I couldn't explain it, but I cried so very hard... on the floor, to the point of convulsing until I passed out, literally.
The next day was when Kelley told me her mom had passed away.
This morning, I woke up suffering from nausea... inexplicably.
As I was preparing my breakfast, I twice had to fight off vomiting.
Me: Hmmm... I'm nauseous... something's not right... something's going on...
Mom: Don't say that.
Me: I don't know... this is weird... I never feel nauseous... something's going on... something bad is going on... I just don't know with whom...
Mom: Shut up and sit down.
It makes me feel crazy, because this shit is ridiculous... it's preposterous... but I swear, my mother's side of the family has this weird sixth sense (it would be cool if it'd be a little less uncomfortable to deal with). Mom knows this all too well, because she spent many years of her life praying for this ability of hers to go away. Same goes for my mother's middle sister.
A few hours ago, I found out... umm... I feel bad calling him "Manipulative" right now but, I guess, I mean right now it's the only thing I've called him, so that's how he's known here. Anyway, I found out his sister passed away after battling cancer for a while.
I met her the same day I met this guy, let's call him Sport for now, because anything else is fucked up at this moment. She had me cracking up. I saw her a few other times as well, and found her to be incredibly sweet, and hilarious.
I don't say all this nice stuff now only because she's gone, because I'm one of those people who HATE it when others go that route-- turning the deceased into immediate saints-- but she was legitimately, sincerely, a great person.
The news broke my heart... for everyone.
Lesson learned from being a petty, resentment-harboring cunt: DON'T BE. Life's too short for that shit. Cut it out.
What I have to learn is how to let shit go. No one wins when I hold on to anger or with my refusal to... let bygones be bygones. No one wins with my goddamned self-righteousness and shit.
I say it all the time: no one knows what I'VE been through...
But I horribly fail at considering what OTHERS have been through... or ARE going through.
I'm so, so very sad... and sorry.
The next day was when Kelley told me her mom had passed away.
This morning, I woke up suffering from nausea... inexplicably.
As I was preparing my breakfast, I twice had to fight off vomiting.
Me: Hmmm... I'm nauseous... something's not right... something's going on...
Mom: Don't say that.
Me: I don't know... this is weird... I never feel nauseous... something's going on... something bad is going on... I just don't know with whom...
Mom: Shut up and sit down.
It makes me feel crazy, because this shit is ridiculous... it's preposterous... but I swear, my mother's side of the family has this weird sixth sense (it would be cool if it'd be a little less uncomfortable to deal with). Mom knows this all too well, because she spent many years of her life praying for this ability of hers to go away. Same goes for my mother's middle sister.
A few hours ago, I found out... umm... I feel bad calling him "Manipulative" right now but, I guess, I mean right now it's the only thing I've called him, so that's how he's known here. Anyway, I found out his sister passed away after battling cancer for a while.
I met her the same day I met this guy, let's call him Sport for now, because anything else is fucked up at this moment. She had me cracking up. I saw her a few other times as well, and found her to be incredibly sweet, and hilarious.
I don't say all this nice stuff now only because she's gone, because I'm one of those people who HATE it when others go that route-- turning the deceased into immediate saints-- but she was legitimately, sincerely, a great person.
The news broke my heart... for everyone.
Lesson learned from being a petty, resentment-harboring cunt: DON'T BE. Life's too short for that shit. Cut it out.
What I have to learn is how to let shit go. No one wins when I hold on to anger or with my refusal to... let bygones be bygones. No one wins with my goddamned self-righteousness and shit.
I say it all the time: no one knows what I'VE been through...
But I horribly fail at considering what OTHERS have been through... or ARE going through.
I'm so, so very sad... and sorry.
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