Sitting away from the action... but not so far where I can no longer distinguish your facial features.
I can see you smile, see your lips move... lip-read some of the things you say.
I can best describe the majority of my interaction with my little sister like that.
Use the analogy of sitting on a lounge chair at the beach, under some shady palm tree, wearing noise-canceling earphones, looking on as my sister frolics in the ocean in the company of cute boys-- the ones I have a crush on.
I sit quietly, alone, keeping a watchful eye on her... but simultaneously wishing I was her-- so happy, so admired by handsome guys.
She is so social... so popular... so pretty, and I'm just there... forlorn in my chair.
Sometimes she'll accidentally make eye-contact with me in the middle of her frolicking, and that's where I'll catch a glimmer of pity in her eyes. She'll immediately look away, in hopes of shaking the sad feeling, and continue with her laughing. She will move a little deeper into the ocean, and I will finally look in the opposite direction.
"I know you wouldn't like it and just turn me down, so I didn't bother to ask," she'll say.
"You're right," I'll have to say, "I'd totally hate it and make it awkward for you... like always."
I can't imagine how mortifying it must be for her... to have to deal with me, the eternal cockblock. How frustrating to try and get me to not be that awkward quiet girl who moves as though she wishes she was just invisible... or to at least get me to not scare away her potential suitors.
She is the peacock, wanting to be admired, while I am the ghost, only hoping to vanish out of sight.
I am condemned to be the girl who quietly admires the cute boy... feels her heart race the moment she sees him walk up to her, only to have the cute boy extend his hand to her sister.
Of course you were staring at her... of course.
But bless her heart for trying to avoid these scenarios for me, by skipping my invite altogether.
I don't know why she does it... well, I do... but it's just easier to act confused about it all, rather than admit she's so goddamned ashamed of me.
Today was a shitty. fucking. day.
They both like her. I'm the one who makes them laugh all night, but she's the one with the cute dimples and hypnotic eyes.
I can see you smile, see your lips move... lip-read some of the things you say.
I can best describe the majority of my interaction with my little sister like that.
Use the analogy of sitting on a lounge chair at the beach, under some shady palm tree, wearing noise-canceling earphones, looking on as my sister frolics in the ocean in the company of cute boys-- the ones I have a crush on.
I sit quietly, alone, keeping a watchful eye on her... but simultaneously wishing I was her-- so happy, so admired by handsome guys.
She is so social... so popular... so pretty, and I'm just there... forlorn in my chair.
Sometimes she'll accidentally make eye-contact with me in the middle of her frolicking, and that's where I'll catch a glimmer of pity in her eyes. She'll immediately look away, in hopes of shaking the sad feeling, and continue with her laughing. She will move a little deeper into the ocean, and I will finally look in the opposite direction.
"I know you wouldn't like it and just turn me down, so I didn't bother to ask," she'll say.
"You're right," I'll have to say, "I'd totally hate it and make it awkward for you... like always."
I can't imagine how mortifying it must be for her... to have to deal with me, the eternal cockblock. How frustrating to try and get me to not be that awkward quiet girl who moves as though she wishes she was just invisible... or to at least get me to not scare away her potential suitors.
She is the peacock, wanting to be admired, while I am the ghost, only hoping to vanish out of sight.
I am condemned to be the girl who quietly admires the cute boy... feels her heart race the moment she sees him walk up to her, only to have the cute boy extend his hand to her sister.
Of course you were staring at her... of course.
But bless her heart for trying to avoid these scenarios for me, by skipping my invite altogether.
I don't know why she does it... well, I do... but it's just easier to act confused about it all, rather than admit she's so goddamned ashamed of me.
Today was a shitty. fucking. day.
They both like her. I'm the one who makes them laugh all night, but she's the one with the cute dimples and hypnotic eyes.
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