Your shocked face is worse than my amused face

I have spent so much of my life bitching about the way my dad is... How he seems to have such a huge heart with everyone BUT us, his nuclear family.

The bitching blinds me from asking the important question: WHY is he like that?

Well... I have never been more convinced of the reasons behind his behavior than I am today.

Why does my dad seem to have a closed-off relationship with US-- his kids and wife? Because that's the fucking example he was given in HIS home. 

And that breaks my heart-- for HIM.

I shouldn't care, and it pisses me off to see that I DO care, I care TOO MUCH, about the treatment received from my dad's family. 

This cousin, the one I so publicly "defended" (on fucking Facebook, like a total fucking IDIOT) a while back from her ex-husband's family... the one who is super pregnant, the one I had NEVER had an issue with, had her baby shower today.

How did they invite my dad? Via text... A week before the party... a PHOTO of the paper invite.

THAT'S the invite they felt my father deserved from them... the man who has time and time again pulled them out of financial  trouble like some motherfucking bank-- only more fucking dependable... the man from whom they so audaciously demanded a house. 

This shit INFURIATED me... I'm talking "made me feel like I had swallowed molten steel" type fucking heated.

What pissed me off more? How this family acted so fucking SURE my sister was going to show up... when she had not heard of this fucking party until WE found out about the party-- on Monday.

"You are aware D has been living in Chicago for two years now, right?" Trying to play as though somehow... some magical, telepathic way, we had recieved an invite at a rational time for my sister to catch a flight/get time off at work.

My sister was upset.

"I haven't heard a word from ANYONE. It's as if I'm dead."

Hearing her say that only further upset me.

"I'm not going. And don't cover for me if someone asks. Tell them the truth: I DID NOT want to come. Why didn't D show up? Because we didn't know of this party until this Monday," I told my mom.

"It's a stupid party. Point is, you got an invite before the actual date" you might say.

But I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck. 

If you don't see malicious intent in this whole invite-drama, you're full of fucking shit. I would have been FINE with a text the moment they had a date set-- TWO MONTHS AGO. How do I know it was that long ago? Preggo-cousin's coworker, who is my close friend, told me that's when she found out. I would have been fine TWO WEEKS ago, when my dad's sister-in-law asked us if we were attending the babyshower-- she had recieved her invite then... that was an awkward conversation.

But since I don't play this fucking "passive-aggressive" BULLSHIT, I didn't cave in and act OK with this. Because I'm NOT ok with this.

But my mom and dad care about other's opinions, so they attended this party... to keep others from suspecting anything being wrong within the family.

It was a big party. In a fucking wedding venue. With lots and lots of friends and coworkers and extended family members... people from Hometown.

I have cried about this-- angry, frustrated tears. I HATE seeing this. I HATE seeing how no matter how NICE we are, and how much we have tried overlooking their "accidental" slights, they STILL go out of their fucking way to make sure to slight us, to try and make us feel so fucking insignificant.

It is SO. FUCKING. INFURIATING. 

I have stuck my neck out for every single cousin on my paternal side, and EACH ONE has fucked up so hard, and has demonstrated to me just how fucking unimportant and insignificant we are (EXCEPT WHEN THEY NEED MONEY! Let's not forget good ol' uncle MoneyBags Jesse is right there to just GIVE AWAY money based on the simple fact that he's him and you are you. He's like a fucking genie! Your wish is his command! Wish away, "family") that I can't help but be DONE with them... I can't help but cry so fucking hard, and full of so much fucking hate for them.

Then I look at my poor dad's face... I see how he is not blind to this... how he notices how shitty his family is to all of us... And I recognize his heartbreak... It upsets him... And he tries to act like he's oblivious to it... like it's fucking normal... but his little heart is SO broken.

How could I ever expect my dad to be loving and doting... when his family never showed him HOW to be that way? He has only been this fucking money-making robot to them... A robot who is expected to have no fucking feelings when he sees the rest of them enjoying a feast in the kitchen as they show him the backyard door, where he's to go eat alone like some fucking dog.

... Even dogs who help with the hunt get a bone or two...

I fucking HATE his family.