Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Bitch

Today, I diffused the biggest bomb between my parents up to date:

Dad: WANNA KNOW WHAT THEY KNOW YOU AS AT WORK? AnoMALIE, want to know what they know her as?! "THE BITCH!" What does that tell you about your mom?!

...
I have never felt so bad. So angry. So sad.

I took a deep breath, and spoke up, gently.
Me: Whatever "man" says that about a woman knows nothing about respect. So I think that says more about HIM than it does about my mom. It says he's a disrespectful piece of shit.

I didn't scream, I didn't pout, I just tried to be as calm, and soft spoken as possible-- this despite seeing my mom looking defeated as hell sitting on the bed, next to Dad on his recliner chair.
I got Mom to leave the bedroom by saying we had to go grocery shopping.

I listened to Mom the entire drive out to the grocery store, and would (again) try my best to be as soft-spoken as possible while telling her that yeah, she does have a volume problem with her voice-- she's loud and harsh.
"It's not your fault, little lady... You were raised that way. You had no other choice. Just... practice speaking at a lower volume... make a conscious effort, just like I do to speak LOUDER. You make the effort to speak softer."
That seemed to calm Mom... but by ending her rage and just breaking her spirit. Her little face killed me. 
:(

Once home, I gifted Dad some chocolate clusters I bought him, along with two buckets of Bluebell ice cream.
This, in turn, cheered him up... I got a smile out of him... and I managed to coax him out of his cave.

I don't know how much longer we will all be able to handle this. Both my parents are ready to burst... and it scares me. I feel stupid being this upset about the topic, considering I'm 29, but god, hearing and seeing all that felt worse than anything I've experienced.

I'm so angry about those weak motherfuckers having those sentiments about my mom... But I'm fucking devastated my dad did nothig to defend her from the talk. So, SO fucking hurt.
I can't imagine how she must be feeling.

"Until death do us part..." No guys, no... Don't let that shit break your spirit. Once respect goes out the door-- fuck. That. Shit. 
Be free. Be you. Be happy.

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