Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Villanous

Aaaaaaaand I'm still the villain.

The girls all rounded up this morning and headed out to the metro for the Acropolis.
I told them I've already seen the Acropolis, and that me going was only going to make the situation uncomfortable, because I'm still fucking pissed at my sister... and I will not hide my feelings of absolute discontent with her, even in public-- it's what you get when you piss me the fuck off... it's why I beg people not to cross that line, because I WILL be the fucking cunt you want me to be, and I WILL do it publicly.
So they left without me.

They then posted about their visit to the Acropolis on all forms of social media.
My sister even posted a selfie, which I found to be VERY telling of our dynamic as a family. It was her and my brother... and Clemson (this was a photo from Sunday, while at Meteora). I was nowhere to be found in the photo, despite being only a few feet away.

She calls every fucking bitch out there her "sister" as though I were non-existent. The only one I refer to as a sister, who isn't actually my blood relative, is Kelley... and that's because she's been there for me FAR MORE often than the VAST majority of my family members.
I say this all the time, and I've told it to Sister's face: the only time I was ever a fighting barbarian was when I had to defend one of my family members, usually meaning HER because she was such a cry baby.
How many times have any one of them stood up for me? None. Never. I have to sit there and not only get hurt, but watch as my family looks away-- completely apathetic... THEN I have to act like NONE of it hurt... like it was a fucking cake walk. AND THEN I have to deal with the lot of them thinking I'm a weirdo because I don't play well with others, because I prefer to be alone rather than socialize (didn't know it was so goddamn weird to avoid the shit that hurts you).
So OF COURSE this hurts me. It hurts bad... to see that despite having her back every single time, and remaining there even after seeing she NEVER reciprocates (but instead PARTICIPATES in my shunning), she STILL thinks I'm a shitty sister... so shitty she must go out and find others, apparently (I get all sentimental when I think back to our childhood and remember how I've always hated dolls, but would always find myself getting stuck playing with them for my sister's sake. I fucking hated using my imagination for that sort of shit... but I did it for her. Clearly this meant nothing to her).

And people always side with her.
She has gotten me in trouble numerous times, because she randomly grows a set of balls and shittalks someone, and then when the person finds out, someway, somehow, I get the blame for it, and the people wind up resenting ME.
"Who cares? Shit, let them know it's me who said that. Shit, I don't fucking care!" Sister will say... as the person in question suddenly hates me, but gains this crazy love and support for Sister.

Today, it's no different.
She pissed me off, I blew up, I made her cry and throw her typical melodramatic crying tantrum, and the people, of course, resented me for being such a monster... proceeding to comfort her and shun me.

But hey, 'tis life. It's why I prefer to be alone. It's why I'm happiest when on my own.

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