I'm not doing so great.
When I say I'm "desperately" trying to get better, I mean I'm fucking trying DESPERATELY to get better.
I've been lucky enough to have a nice batch of good days recently, but last month was brutal.
I've tried my hand at writing, and while it sometimes starts off pretty promising, it always ends up taking a turn for the dark... sometimes, a little too dark, so I nix posting... because... it's pretty alarming to see how my mind is currently working. I don't feel it's fair to subject anyone else to that shit, to have them hear these terrible thoughts that have been inundating my mind.
I'm forcing myself to go out into the sun... try and fix my problems like that, and it seems to be working. I've actually laughed a few times this week (unlike last month, where I literally injured my throat after laughing out loud for the first time in a month... all thanks to a Key and Peele skit which my brain found to be ridiculously hilarious... and led to me having a weird, embarrassing "laugh attack." Me, sitting alone in my living room, laughing out loud at how pathetic I was that I actually managed to hurt myself with the act of laughing. "How PATHETIC! You haven't spoken or laughed for so long, the act of making any noise HURT YOU! BAHAHAHA! LAAAAME!" Then it all led to me crying for a while... and it was just all bad and embarrassing. Luckily no one witnessed it).
I'll now shut my mouth/blank my mind before I ruin my progress.
I'm just... doing better. Not great, but better.
When I say I'm "desperately" trying to get better, I mean I'm fucking trying DESPERATELY to get better.
I've been lucky enough to have a nice batch of good days recently, but last month was brutal.
I've tried my hand at writing, and while it sometimes starts off pretty promising, it always ends up taking a turn for the dark... sometimes, a little too dark, so I nix posting... because... it's pretty alarming to see how my mind is currently working. I don't feel it's fair to subject anyone else to that shit, to have them hear these terrible thoughts that have been inundating my mind.
I'm forcing myself to go out into the sun... try and fix my problems like that, and it seems to be working. I've actually laughed a few times this week (unlike last month, where I literally injured my throat after laughing out loud for the first time in a month... all thanks to a Key and Peele skit which my brain found to be ridiculously hilarious... and led to me having a weird, embarrassing "laugh attack." Me, sitting alone in my living room, laughing out loud at how pathetic I was that I actually managed to hurt myself with the act of laughing. "How PATHETIC! You haven't spoken or laughed for so long, the act of making any noise HURT YOU! BAHAHAHA! LAAAAME!" Then it all led to me crying for a while... and it was just all bad and embarrassing. Luckily no one witnessed it).
I'll now shut my mouth/blank my mind before I ruin my progress.
I'm just... doing better. Not great, but better.
No comments:
Post a Comment