Saturday, January 9, 2016

recipe to exacerbate me

The FB feature which reminds me of the bullshit I did in the past, on the date, has changed my behavior.
Things I wrote back in 2007 up to like... 2012 are ridiculously embarrassing, not to mention annoying as fuck.
I become mortified each time the fucking notification appears.
Because of this embarrassment, I've become much more quiet over the recent years. Then again, I can't blame it all on my emotional state. My acquisition of family members on FB has also made me become increasingly silent.
Of course I know that I can place them on limited view and all that shit, but I've never been a fan of going through all that trouble. I've never really been a fan of censoring myself in that way-- the only thing I do which is private is my original on-line journal, which no one can access except me, and then there's this, which is under a pseudonym. Even with this pseudonym, people have been able to find me because I slip up and do something stupid like link my email address and that shit.
However, my IG account as well as my Twitter are public-- I don't put it out there for others to find, but they certainly can (and HAVE) if they snoop hard enough.

OBVIOUSLY my opinions get me in trouble.
This shouldn't bother me, because in my heart of hearts, I know I'm only telling the truth. As someone who spends her damn life observing others, and has been doing this since a fucking toddler, I believe I have a pretty solid grasp on what is good and bad behavior, what is fucked up, what is selfish, what is mean spirited, what and who sucks. Honestly. (Not saying someone can't fucking bamboozle me into thinking they're better people than they actually are... because that's the story of my fucking like, that should probably be titled "Wait, you're a lying piece of shit too?")
Sometimes I speak out of anger, and even then, what I spew tends to be a long-held opinion which has been simmering on low for fucking months, if not years.

OK! So, point is: I'm now very quiet on most social media (NOT Twitter. I still go off the rails on that badboy. It's my fucking therapy).
The self-imposed gag order has been conducive to keeping my sanity.
Then, of course, I am fucking idiotic and think "I gotta share this!"
Always a bad idea.
ALWAYS fucking problems.

My WORST problem is how fucking worked up when certain people purposely ignore my post. I know there are people out there with busy lives who don't have time to sit there and "like" shit, and they don't work me up. It's their fucking M.O.
But the motherfuckers who NEVER FAIL to like or post shit on FB... like their goddamn Starbucks cup of coffee... or some motherfucking harboiled eggs they had for breakfast... or their goddamn seventh selfie of the day-- FUCK those people. FUCK. THEM.
I especially take note of people who are well known for their absence from my posts. Like, ZERO acknowledgement of me... EVER... in the history of our FB friendship.
And the people MOST NOTORIOUS of this? My own goddamn cousins, the paternal side of the family, that is.

Last week, while visiting my mom's sister, we were discussing this latest trip.
My aunt slipped up.
She mentioned how at one of the Posadas, the family gathered around phones and looked through my photos from the trip-- ladies who DID NOT give me props... but at this fucking Posada were all fucking praising it loudly with their "Oh how beautiful" and blah blah blah. It was the motherfucking topic of conversation. MY PHOTOS. MY TRIPS.
THAT'S what pisses me off. The fact that they want to put on this fucking front around family like everything so fucking fantastic and awesome, "YAY! Go AnoMALIE!", but to MY FACE they don't say shit, they don't acknowledge shit.
It drives me FUCKING NUTS.
These are going to be the same fucking cunts who are going to get theatrical at my funeral some day.

SO, this trip did that negative to me. It made me get extra neurotic and pissed at the CLEARLY hatin' ass family I belong to... and now I'm resentful as fuck with my "I KNOW THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME PHOTO AND YOU'RE A DUMB MOTHERFUCKING CUNT WHO WILL NEVER HAVE THIS GODDAMN SKILL YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" rage.

But hey... hope life continues to treat them exactly like they treat others.

I mean... other people MUST notice it, right? How these fucking imbeciles are notoriously absent from my life, regardless of how fucking rad my shit might be.

Ugh. I just made myself angry again. I'm an idiot... and easily exacerbated idiot.

1 comment:

Mooney said...

How about that family that tells your sibling that now they have a "real" job even moreso now that he had to move away. Fuck them all.