Yeah, but why?

Merry Christmas? It's still Christmas in America, right?

I'm no longer the villain... everything eased up yesterday. People stopped being scared around me, and I stopped feeling like slapping people across the face, finally.
Everyone is behaving themselves, not pouting around the house like spoiled, needy little jerks anymore.
Yesterday (Christmas Eve) we did have a minor speed bump at the US Embassy, though.
We tagged along with my brother to his place of work, since he was going to give his Marine friend a hot plate of Mexican Christmas Food from our Christmas party. We wanted to join Brother inside, but knew we couldn't enter because we didn't have clearance (I do, however, Bro needs to inform them of my visit days in advance). He told us we could take photos OUTSIDE of the embassy while he ran inside and accompanied his Marine buddy for a bit so he wouldn't feel so alone this Christmas.
I personally, did not want to do the photo session sans Brother, however, Clemson and Sister were little dummies who were overconfident and got out of the car. I didn't want to be left alone in the vehicle, especially with this one creepy Greek boy hanging around the car.
So I ran and caught up with the rest of the gang.

Well, guess what.
We got in trouble.
Greek soldiers approached us and asked us what we were doing (who the fuck is shocked by this? What kind of fucking idiot is shocked by this, I ask!). Clemson had already had her photo taken, and I was already shaking my head in disapproval (uttering my typical shit of "I told these bitches... but did they listen? Of course not! Nobody listens to AnoMALIE," as I stand several feet away), by the time the soldiers reached us (they screamed from the other side of the embassy).
Cool Soldier: What are you doing?
Clemson: Taking a photo?
Cool Soldier: Yeah, but why?
Clemson: Because we're waiting for their brother to get out.
Cool Soldier: Oh, whose brother works there?
Sister and I raise our hand like two scolded five-year-olds.
Cool Soldier: Oh... you do? Where is he right now?
Sister: Inside?
Cool Soldier: Oh... ok. Ok then. Go ahead. Go on.
Cool soldier walks away.
FIVE SECONDS LATER a thunderous voice starts screaming something in Greek.
Twenty seconds later big, mean greek soldier (with a meanass unibrow) starts chastising us.
MeanSoldier: What are you doing?
Clemson: Taking photos?
Mean Soldier: Why? What are you?
All of us: ... ??
MeanSoldier: Are you GREEK?
Clemson: We're all American.
MeanSoldier: Why do you want photos?
Clemson: Because... this is my embassy?
MeanSoldier: Sorry for the delay, but you're going to have to show us all your photos. And then delete all of your photos. I will HAVE to watch you delete all the photos of the embassy. For ah, you know, security reasons. Terrorism reasons, you know? We can't let you do that.

So there we stood, Sister and I annoyed out of our minds, watching Pacemaker and Clemson showing and deleting their photos in front of Greek and US soldiers... on Christmas Eve.

However, rather than be angry about this, the entire situation made us laugh... hysterically... once we were in the safety of our car.

And that is how I chill the fuck out.

Un Friego.

Oooops.
Update to last night's post: the relative passed away on the 31st... so technically, it wasn't 2012's fault... it just took the blame because that's when I found out.
I'm a little sensitive about receiving bad news while at a party... since you know, around this time of the year, my grandpa passed away on me while I was at a pub instead of at his side at the hospice. It makes me feel guilty. Not cool.
I cried from the sensitivity.

But it's all good this morning.
Technically, I already knocked out one of my resolutions. I "friended" two people in the wee hours of 2012. So boom. That's out of the way. Only 14 more resolutions to go (ufff. Puta hueva).

I got all my "mean" out yesterday... shit that happens when you spread yourself out too thin. I was stupid enough to think I could handle five parties in one day. A little too ambitious a task.
I was grouchy before I hit the first party. I even scared THREE little girls at that one. I was irritated over being held down at a three-year-old's birthday party, and having to be at a different event by 5:30. Considering that I was in the Northwest part of town, and had to find my way to central Vegas, I wanted to be out of the party by 5PM.
My mother, like always, decided she wanted to eat at 4:50PM... and of course, the woman can't eat without talking at the same time (thing which has made her nearly die at least three time due to the choking hazard that stupid habit is), so by 4:58PM, I was barking at her... and shoving my phone in her face. The moment I raised my voice at Mom ("it's five o'clock, MOM!"), the three little girls sitting at my table straightened up and stared at each other.
Yeah, you straighten up, little bitches... the moment you misbehave, I'll bark at you too.
I was a cunt for the entirety of that shindig, but I don't feel bad about it. Why? Because the hostess told her sister "A bajado un friego de peso! Estaba BIEN gorda!" ("She's lost a shit-ton of weight! She used to be REAL fat!") in reference to me... as I stood right there, staring at her.
People sure know how to compliment me...
Before leaving, we made sure to grab some of the Cazadores (gross, but whatever) spiked "ponche."

Anyway, I was falling asleep by the second event-- something expected of me after having downed tequila on an empty stomach. Hour and a half of that shit.

The third outing I was stoked for. There, I was force-fed menudo by the world's most adorable grandmother. I wound up slipping half of my bowl to Mom, who more than gladly helped me out.

I was at a cross-roads after this party. Since it was getting late, I was pressed for time. I had to choose between the last two parties, due to them being located on opposite sides of town. Sure, I could have hit both, but I don't usually enjoy showing up to something where everyone's already plastered-- you miss out on all the good stories.
So I weighed the pros and cons.
Well, where do I like more people?
The winner was:
Three people. The place where you like three people, AnoMALIE... one of them being... well, you know. Quit being lame.
The saddest part? The losing party was thrown by my cousin. Yup. That was very nice of me (apparently, based on photographs getting uploaded on Facebook, this was a fucking production. Tons of food, a band, and a DJ. Too bad it was riddled with douchebags and bitches. Which reminds me, I had the distinction of being the designated quiet bitch at the party I did decide to attend. That too was nice).
Anyway, since I had been out and about for so long, and I was a fucking imbecile the previous night and only slept for three hours, I was fucked by the fourth party. Total Debbie Downer.
Not a drop to drink, which I was informed was rude... but yo, it was my last day allowing myself to be rude... so I took full advantage of it (decision which later proved to be pretty wise, because five minutes into my drive home, a cop pulled over the car that had been driving alongside me for that same amount of time. What he did wrong that I did right I will never know. My blood ran cold for a couple of minutes after that. A ticket is the last fucking thing I need right now).
But I can't complain (though I'm sure THEY can), my cheeks were hurting throughout the night from laughing so hard (to tell you the truth--as an "adult"-- I don't think I've ever laughed on a NYE. It's usually a time where I'm sad and in denial over the year coming to an end).
Then I received the text informing me of the death in the family, and my otherwise good end to the night went to hell.

Oh well. Asi es la vida.

I'm gonna miss being mean.

Under the Mattress

I skipped a post yesterday... make it a two for one deal?

Sure, why not.

SO, I've been somewhat emotionally unstable, right?
Well... not SO unstable... mostly just depressed, then very depressed, then hopelessly depressed... then again to averagely depressed.
Hanging with friends tends to curb this, since I force myself to act like a normal person. Who the hell likes hanging out with a sourpuss, right? And what the fuck do you do with an AnoMALIE who won't shut the fuck up but only cries... I can be pretty fucking scary when I cry.

Yesterday, in an effort to be genuinely happy... or normal, I decided to do that afternoon card game chill-out with a couple of friends (you know, what I mentioned in the previous post).
For the most part, I was doing great.
I played my first game of "Uno" and I was pretty much massacring.... something I tend to do when card games are involved... because ghetto kids may not have lots of toys when growing up, but you can bet your last fucking dollar they've played with a deck of cards... especially in this city (I shuffled like a casino dealer by the time I was in third grade).

Anyway, I'm killing at the card games... KIND of pissing off the rest of the gang... because they thought I'd be as clueless at card games as I am with everything else in this life.
After my third game of handing people's asses on a plate, they suggested we play a game that's sort of a cross of hot-potato and Taboo... aka a trivia game.
NOT FAIR! You know I was raised Mexican! I don't know American pop culture!
Me, being the good sport... the doormat I am, went with the flow.

I was paired with a dude I have a platonic crush on. He's surprisingly witty and intelligent because he hides it well with all of his heavy-metal tee-shirts.
We were teamed up against a married couple.
Hmmm...
I was growing increasingly frustrated because the married couple could guess their words by just shooting themselves a look.
When it came to ME giving the clues to my partner, I was fucking awesome... mainly because he was so damn smart.
But when it came to me receiving the clues... WELL! Let me tell ya... it was fucking ridiculous.
What frustrated me MOST was that the married couple were able to "steal" our words if I didn't know the answer... which was EVERY SINGLE TIME! And these three people are super close... so... the married couple were guessing MY words.
After the SEVENTH time this happened to me... and on the word "credit union" (the clue my partner gave me was "people took their money out of the bank and placed it here..." My response: In a safe? UNDER THE MATTRESS?! I DON'T KNOW!), I finally lost it.
That's right... I CRIED.
I went red in the face... and cried.
Jesus.
I reverted to being seven, losing at LIFE (the board game, ok, the board game), and crying when I'd drive past my last chance at getting a kid, with a total of zero kids in my car.

That killed the mood... and freaked everyone out.
That'll teach them to try and beat me at a game.

Greeeeeeen!

DAY 3!!

God, times goes by QUICK.
Today I really liked.

Travelin Din decided to take me into the city (I guess we live in the "tiny" town).
Beautiful 30 degree Celsius day.
What we do?
Walked around the city... sat behind the Bellas Artes museum... with some ice cream... in front of a park:I wanted to sit there for hours.
Those fountains were everywhere and they were huge!
So fucking amazing!
We stared at some emo girls (too many fucking emos), dogs, old people holding hands... it was just... god, I could have sat there forever.
Will definitely be one of those moments in my life where I'll be thinking back to for the rest of my days.
Then we went off to the shops...
So... SO nice.
Totally going to buy stuff before I leave.
While tons of people dress emo here, they do have other styles.
Anyway, we then went to some candy store, where the little old man that ran the place was nice and sweet... and called us "Chicas" which I like.

I was going to take pictures of the city, but TravelinDin wasn't cooperating.
She did cooperate when we were in the grocery store... of course, she did it unknowingly.

Lovely.
(A kilo of avocados is 4.99 Euros! I just had to complain about that).

Anyway, I'm off to the beach.
:)

Mardi Gordo, AnoMALIE style

So...
Mardi Gras...
Plus Cristiano Ronaldo's 23rd birthday.

How did I spend it?
-I tried every drug I could get a hold of...
-I got lit off my ass in honor of Mr. dos Santos Aveiro's 23rd... then drove...
-I fucked like a rabbit... the whole time imagining Mr. C. Ronaldo...
-I cussed AND blew cigarette smoke in the face of infants...
-I fought every girl who dogged me... even the ones who didn't, but I just thought were too damn pretty and thus intimidated me into punching them a couple of times...
-I talked shit about anyone and everyone...
-I stuffed my face until I vomited... a few times, very a la Roman orgy style...
-I shot a couple of people... mostly just old people who got in my way with their stupid walkers...
-I defaced public AND private property...
-And did I mention I robbed a couple of banks?

All in the name of Fat Tuesday!

In all reality, I just:
-Grew up a little by opening a checking account.
-"Mom"ed my little sister (just a little) for doing this.
-Proceeded to have a very "girly" evening with Mooney which consisted of watching 27 Dresses, an hour of Degrassi (Man, do I miss that show!) at her crib... where we chatted over--what else?!-- guys and how fucking annoying some Obnoxious motherfuckers can be (or how amazingly gorgeous others might be. Pardon my sighs, Mooney. I can be such a girl sometimes! :D haha).
-Ate (one of my friends has seriously messed me up when it comes to that word. I read it and think "Why the hell am I saying sister?!" I think I may be getting the swing of Tagalog) Tacos... some fucking amazing... delicious... wonderful... dreamy (not so creamy) tacos... Mmmmmmmmmm. I realize I do love me some tacos... real Mexican tacos... with lots and lots of cilantro. Viva Mexico! Ajua!
- Cussed... and cussed... and cussed... to my little heart's content. God... will I miss being vulgar... my heart aches.
- Borrowed American Psycho from Mooney... I'm so excited!
- Informed everyone I saw that "It's Cristiano Ronaldo's birthday today!"

All in the name of Mardi Gras.

**Warning, creepy-girl portion coming up ahead**

Happy Birthday to the love of my life... the most handsome man in the face of the planet... universe... solar system... whatever...
Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo.

Le sigh...
God bless the day you were put on this green Earth for me to gawk at... you fine, fine specimen... awesome in any and all angles. MMmmmm, mmm, mmmmm!

I really do hope Cristiano used some better looking prostitutes this time.

Ok... creepy-girl post ends here.
Haha.
What can I say? My teenage years were spent in the midst of the *NSYNC, BSB craze... it's not easy to let go of some of those tendencies now in my "adult" years.

The camera ruined it...

The camera on my phone sucks dick (not literally).

I hadn't been up to Mt. Charleston since... I think it was 2005... I think.

Lovely.

At least I got out of the house... and I'm glad I have such good friends.

I'm miserable, you guys... plain fucking miserable.
I need the daily grind of school... I'm unhappy without it.

P.S.
Pet Peeve number 1274857 and 1274858:
- When a guy sits too close to me at the gym... then proceeds to grunt like a caveman for the entire hour... or he uses MY equipment. That BUGGGGGGGGGGGGs me!
- Never ending text messages from people outside verizon!!!!!!!

Aren't you supposed to smile when you say "Cheese?"

Older Brother came home from Italy a couple of minutes ago, and what was the first thing he said to me?
Man!! I had the best cheese yesterday!

Good to see he did his homework.

It did bum me out that he took my joke seriously, though.
When he asked me what I wanted back from Milan back in May, my response was:
Taste all the cheese in Italy and tell if they're better than what they look like... and also tell me which one's the best!

I could have asked for anything... and I just got an essay on cheese.
Fuck you, cheese! Fuck you.

***
I was going to cut my hair today... since I last got it snipped on April 13th... but I decided it wasn't an omen I wanted to continue (I did get my hair fucked up that time).
I do need a nice trim though... and some bangs.
Bangs would kind of rock.

My departure date keeps creeping up and I grow increasingly frantic.
I'm scared! I don't want it to come! I'm scared!!

I've been seeing homies these past few days (which reminds me, Minnow, Time's-a-wastin'. You're not ever going to learn Spanish at that pace)... as if I'm going off to war or some shit. Kind of sad.
I hate goodbyes... even if I'll see the people again in a month... they still suck (what if I really die and never see them again? Imagine if I really do fall off a cliff this time... or I get gored by a bull--yeah, it ain't Pamplona, but bulls run wild over there-- or some drunkard takes me hostage? Dear God, why am I panicking?).

Maybe that's why I'm sad?

Oh well... whatever... anything beats being in this hot, hot, sun... and I need to erase what's on my mind... like they do in those Men in Black movies.
*Zap* What happened? Who are you? Where am I? Who am I? (yeah, like I need any more drama when it comes to my identity)

Red, White, and BLUE.

Hmmm... so that was the Fourth of July?
...interesting (I loved the commercial on Univision that said "Congratulations, United States, on your independence day. Hope they have a great day." They. They! Where the hell are we? Japan?! My point is probably clearer in Spanish, because the English language is different and certain things don't make as much sense)
Last time I remember having any fun on that day I was about 9 and lived closer to my cousins. We all had water guns, we lived behind the stratosphere, casinos put a little more effort on their fireworks show... and it wasn't ever this hot.

Maybe I just bitch because back then I still wore shorts without having a care in the world.
Now I'm burning up under fucking jeans but I'm too stubborn to wear anything that'll expose my legs past the knees (hmm... maybe I am turning Amish).

Anyway... I was saddened today by the realization that I can no longer keep up with a 16 (maybe she's 17... I didn't really bother to ask these past three days she was here) year old.
My sister loves this kid... and since she knows I need to start shopping for Mexico (I fucking hate that task... I hate being in malls because I end up buying shit I definitely don't need), she informed me that we were once again going to hang out as a means to celebrate 4th of July.

Me, a crazy 19 year-old... and her 16-year-old clone.

Well, let me start off by saying this: A human that eats more than this 16-year old I have never met.
Actually, let me rephrase that: A human that gets hungry as often as this girl I have never met.
Every damn little thing we saw... she wanted in her belly.
I was so annoyed by this kid (who isn't pregnant, or a tub of lard, so I don't understand WTF is her problem), I went as far as rejecting an offer of free ice-cream... freaking ICE CREAM in this 123 degree weather (Minnow, you jinxed it... not only did we reach 115 this week... we went into the 120's)!
She also loves the mall... loves it.
I wanted to shoot myself after twenty minutes.
She isn't a bad kid... she's just... really indecisive (more so that me).

Then we decided to be even more American (and get away from the sun that burned the shit out of us and made us look like lobsters... well, I didn't get it that bad, but my sister's pretty red)... so we went bowling.

Interesting two hours of my life.
Who can win with a score of 91? Me! (when playing with two girls that hit more gutter-balls than I do)
We did get some good pictures from the outing, so I really can't hate.

That was totally my idea.
Little Sister wanted to use two pink balls and place them on her chest, but of course, I gave her this much better idea.
That's definitely my favorite picture. My sister's a nut for following through with the idea... while surrounded by a ton of guys.
I love my sister... even if she often drives me insane... but then she busts out weirdo behavior like this and she makes me laugh.

After that, we slowed down the pace (especially once I realized I was broke... and I mean... I only had three dollars left in my wallet. I'm so damn broke now). We stayed home... chilled... not even with the television on because that shit was so boring.
Instead, we played pool for about an hour, then decided to watch our super white-washed Mexican neighbors light up pounds of fireworks... almost catching all of our lawns on fire... but I guess it was fun to watch people squirm with fear.

As cool as that was, though, I'd definitely prefer to be in Mexico... at least it's still in the high 60's-mid70's over there.

Fuck, I hate this damn weather!

Summer Time AnoMALIE

I'm exhausted.
It's difficult being the body guard of 3 sort of inebriated girls.
It's like having 3 small children to run after while screaming "You come back here, you hear me?! Don't you go bothering strangers!" "You stay away from that creepy fellow over there! I don't need you missing then all of a sudden turning up floating in some canal in Southern California..." (OK, maybe my mom was the only one who used the latter... but it sure as hell kept me from wondering around).

I've lived here since... I was born... and my parents have visited the strip each time a family member from outside Vegas comes to visit. But it took me 22 years to make it to the strip and act like a tourist... camera and all. What a shame.

It was... entertaining. While I do admit that the entire time I was at Caesar's Palace I kept having flashbacks of the one time I went as "chaperone" for a date my little sister had a couple years back. Those flashbacks were neither entertaining, nor pleasant. I could have been enjoying the damn thing, I mean... we were having fun with the drinks my three friends had. We would make the shortest girl of the group drink out of the foot-long margarita glass each time we were in front of security (the girl's around... man... I don't know... four foot... eight? But she's 22, probably older than me). They'd just stare at the guy who would give her the drink... I'm sure thinking "Man, that's one fucked up father!"
But nooooooo... I had to be thinking shit like "Ew... that's where Little Sister and *BitchLiarwhodidSisterVERYwrong* were... oh man... get it out of my head!" or "When we were going down this cool escalator, Little Sister and *BitchLiarwhodidSisterVERYwrong* were going at it like there was no tomorrow..."
Those two ruined my life... fucking... hormonal teenagers.

But anyway... I had fun, I suppose... although I did get a little sad thinking FutureDentistFriend will be gone and our dates will be no more (you know, until she drops by to visit every other month)... and no more Kickboxing instructor stories will be shared (more like... no more talk about how fantastic the instructor is. He's like, the poster boy for the gym... that shit's crazy).

At least now we'll have "When you were buzzed..." stories.
She was an adorable buzzed girl.
-She's adorable with her dental stories (she was telling us about how easy it is to knock out an Asian with anesthesia, but how redheads have a hard time and that they usually come back from it all violent. That was funny... and totally out of the blue when she said that).
-And when she talked about how awesome her mentor is (a dude I was pretty pissed at this past semester, but when I saw my final grade in his class, I could have kissed the man).
-And how she looked surprised when I told her I was Mexican:
FutureDentistFriend: You speak like... 4 different languages...so what are you?
Me: Mexican!
FDF's eyes get wide.
Me: I mean... I'm a U.S. citizen... I love America. I was born here... so I'm American... but I'm Mexican because of my parents... so I'm... Mexican-American. (Shit, and I'm the sober one here and I'm stuttering like an idiot... it was the damn chocolate fountain! That shit Mesmerized me to the point where I was functioning like a drunk...)
-And she was adorable when she was going crazy taking pictures with strangers (the sober ones: me, Chase, ShortGirl, and BoyWhoEnjoyedGivingShortGirlDrinksInFrontOfSecurity gave the drunken trio the idea to hunt down tourists wearing certain colors and then taking pictures with them, thinking it wouldn't peak their interest... but they got so into it, we sober ones started fearing for our safety once we noticed the type of people the drunken trio were going after, i.e. attached men who had their sometimes irritated girlfriends scowling at us for going up to her man).

Lovely way to spend a Sunday night (I say that with no sarcasm... I really did enjoy myself even if my feet were a little in pain).

***
Anyway, let me make this announcement: Summer tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime!
Yes, I know it officially began last week, but it takes a while for me to realize this because certain things need to occur before I can officially declare my persona being in Summer Time mode (yeah, I'm a completely different person during the summer than during any other season of the year).

I begin to realize I'm being Summer Time AnoMALIE when:
1) I start sleeping in... sort of.
2) I definitely stay up late (Go to bed before 3 in the morning? Not this chick. It's kind of like insomnia)
3) I start O.D.ing on cherries, even if they cost 6 bucks a pound (O.M.G. Don't get me started on cherries. I... adore them)
4) I become addicted to cherry tomatoes! (mmmmmm. Just... mmm)
5) ...and Watermelon! (Oh man...)
6) ... and Lemonade! (stttttop thinking about this, AnoMALIE, damn it!)
7) I crave Slurpees at any time of the day, especially if I'm in an area where 7-11's are nowhere to be found (I'm usually scared of 7-11's during the other 3 seasons)
8) I crave Ice Cream at night (I fight this one with all my being!)
9) I can't stop thinking about, dreaming about, and talking about MEXICOOOOOOOOOO! (Ahhhh!! Although... I'll be sort of alone... and it's gonna be a little difficult to assimilate to the fact that Grandpa won't be there to give me really hot chiles... or be there to give me apples to feed his horses... or make me angry with his little jokes... or tell me I look elegant in my Sunday clothes... or tell me stories about his Korea days. Man... it's going to be hard)
10) I start having nightmares every night of the week (I hate this... but alas, it ain't summer unless I am abruptly awoken from my "dream" with my heart racing and sweat running down my face).
11) I vomit at least once... reason sometimes unknown (yeah... most definitely true. There has not been a summer where I have kept my cardiac spincter happy and working properly)

Summer time... I love it... even if it does have me sweating bullets at night, and vomiting in the morning (what the fuck... do I mysteriously become pregnant over the summer?).