Zombies? Fuuuuuck!

So uh...
Looks like that zombie apocalypse is really upon us, isn't it?
Guess I know what I'm doing this summer:
Fuckin'!

To hell with selling my virginity on eBay, there ain't enough time for that shit!
Let's get this show on the motherfucking road!

...
Ok, I'm kidding.

I always had this scenario run through my head.
Dad has always been of that "Christ is coming!" mentality... that's all his fucking church preaches, so of course, the man traumatized the shit out of me as a kid.
But... Dad... I'm only five... I want to live! It's cool that God is coming back to reclaim us and take us to heaven and all that... but I want to... I want to grow up and have all the experiences you had. At least let me hold a boy's hand before I have to go be an angel in heaven or whatever!
I always wondered what I would do if I were given the news that the world was REALLY ending.
I can remember about four "close calls" where I'd see the stupid pseudo-news on Univision:

1. There was this solar eclipse back in 1991 or something like that, and I remember being in Mexico. We spent the day indoors, with my mom's sister and her kids... and we just... stayed there and played around the whole day. To me it was fun, but little did I know Mom and Auntie were shitting bricks being cavewomen thinking this eclipse would bring about the end of the world.
Ahhh, simple minds.

2. There was that one time when those meteors hit Jupiter... that was like... 1994. People were making a big deal about that... freaking out wondering "what if the chunks it blows off Jupiter hit Earth?!"
Fucking idiots.

3. Then there was that time in 1999 (look at that, I rhymed! Get me a record deal, I'm already better than Lil Wayne). 9/9/99... when the antichrist was going to be born or something like that? No antichrist, but my mom turned 39 that day...

4. In the year 2000! In the year 2000! How can anyone forget this shit?

Each time, my concerns were:
1. 1991: But... I'll never have a baby!!!
2. 1994: But... I want to graduate high school!
3. 1999: I don't give a fuck! Let it happen. Fuck this shit.
4. 2000: Well, looks like I'm never gonna fuck. Cool.

Now, with this zombie apocalypse looming, all I'm really thinking is:
Good thing I have that hand-to-hand combat shit down. Dibs on the machetes.

...
Yeah, ok, and I might just fuck a few dudes here and there.
(No. No, I won't.)

Sing me a song

There's a joke going around the office.

I chill with the plebes... you know, the scanners.
There are three dudes who are... managers? I don't know what their actual titles are, I don't care to ask.
These guys show up in suit and tie... all dapper and shit, right?
Two are married assholes, and one is an adorable young, single dude.

These guys drop by time to time to check up on our progress. They're pretty douchey about it.
The cute guy is douchey in the sarcastic sense. He's borderline-prick... takes a minute to realize he's only joking.
ANYWAY.
This joke began yesterday.
Whenever Cute Douchey Manager and I are in the same room, the other two managers start to sing.
Now, if I were better versed in classic Americana... as in, old school english music, I'd know what song it is.
All I really know is that the song says something like
"I'm tired of being lonely" and something like "I want you to love me" or something like that.
I tend to go deaf from embarrassment, so I don't really catch on.
Anyway, if we are ever in the same room together, these dudes will bust out the song.
EVERYONE is in on it. They giggle.
I sit there, uncomfortable... my face hot as hell.
Is this ethical? WTF?


Apparently the guy has a crush on me, and I'm... too aloof to give a shit.
More like too AWKWARD.

The guy's a cutie, don't get me wrong, but he's... not my type. He's kind of cartoonish, if that makes sense. Not an ugly cartoonish... just... not someone I'd see myself with. He's a blondie... who blushes.
He's cute. That's as best as I can describe.

So, whenever I hear the song, all I can really do is smile sheepishly and act as if my current task is a life or death situation. Paper becomes EVER SO interesting... and my eyesight becomes legally-blind.

AnoMALIE, porque no eres una niña normal?!

Ooops moment(s)

Shit... I just noticed one of my cousins is engaged... she's been engaged for 10 days now.

Ooooooops!

She commented a couple of my Europe pictures... and I just pressed the "comment back" option on one of them, answered one of her questions (now that I think about it, I suspect it was a ploy for me to visit her page and notice she's now engaged... but I'm too cynical to pay any mind to a main picture that contains a rose and diamond ring in close proximity--fuck, I'm a retard), and ended with
"What have you been up to?"
She wrote back:
"Awesome! Que bueno... "

Which made me think "Ok... you didn't answer my question..." and there's nothing in this world that irritates me more than someone not answering one of my fucking questions (motherfucker, I went through the trouble of inquiring about you... do you know how special that makes you? Come on now! I don't talk to everybody, I'm like the elusive... mid to late 1990's Macaulay Culkin... in a female version... without his slight creepiness). I don't make small talk... I'd rather make no talk.

Anyway!
I was going through... I think it was my comment, and I looked once again at her main picture.

No shit.... is that... a... that better be a "the store was having a 'Going-out-of-business' sale so I bought you this" ring

I went to her page, realized my error... apologized repeatedly... then feigned excitement... well, not entirely, since I am happy for her, but deep down inside I'm also screaming "FUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCKKKKKKKKK! I'm gonna die a spinster!!!!"

God... another wedding...

Anyway, in order to forget this somewhat uncomfortable ordeal, I have a funny anecdote from my travels:

In Rome, while walking down a small, crowded street, a man was walking toward us.

Clemson: Look! A Mormon!!
Me: They're in Rome?!!? Where?!
Clemson: (pointing) Right there.
TravelinDin: That's no mormon...

What did this guy look like? (I would have probably forgotten about this had I not bumped into a group of Hasidic Jews last night)

Needless to say, TravelinDin and I laughed for a good five minutes... constantly pointing out people that would MORE likely be Mormon... i.e. anyone else.
Clemson didn't find it as funny.
(Turns out, Clemson's never met a Mormon... she'd just heard that "they're weird" and found this guy "weird enough." Alright then... someone doesn't watch South Park...)

Leap Year!

I received this e-mail today from Astrology.com (so what if I find that shit entertaining):

Dear AnoMALIE,
It's February 29 … that's right, 2008 has an extra day! So-called 'leap' years occur every four years, as a way of getting the solar calendar to sync up with our numeric one.


Ancient lore has it that in on Leap Year Day, a lady could propose to any man without fear of social rejection or retribution. You might not want to put your sweetie on the spot just yet, but if you are looking to take a flying leap and risk your heart to get what you want, you'll have no regrets if you act in the next month.

So, Chase, should I go ahead and ask Mr. Darcy to marry me today?
Hahaha... (NO! I'm not that stupid)

I've always loved February 29th...
If only I were born in 1984... I would have been turning 6 years old today... instead of those stupid 23 tomorrow.
:[

Mooney... I ALWAYS think of your brother on this day... haha. Good times, good times.
:]