Fishy 2013

Haaaa! And just when I make my resolutions, astrology stops me in my tracks and freaks me the fuck out.
It's on the money, not gonna lie.
How the fuck is this... how do they... fuck, man...
(Like how I play catch-up? I'm a master of procrastination!)
Check it. My year according to... some astrology dude or something like that:

2013 is nothing short of stellar for you, Pisces. By summer, you're ready for the grand water-trine influence as Saturn, Jupiter and Neptune all flow together in Water signs to make magic. Your powers of psychic perception and healing have never been stronger. Your ability to create glamour, weave fantastical illusion and provide invisible-but-potent healing to others is beyond measure. Others will feel inextricably drawn to you without understanding why. This is excellent for your star potential as others sense something extraordinary and sublime in your presence. People want to have you around as much as possible even without fully comprehending why. The best part is that people are willing to pay big bucks for whatever it is you have to offer and no matter how intangible it may seem. For once, you won't feel like the oddball, freak or the perpetually misunderstood alien in the crowd but rather the mysterious-yet-sought-after special someone that others cannot resist. It's all part of your otherworldly glamour and mystique. Work it, Pisces! (No idea about this, but that would be dope. The bold is what I find to be true, obviously)

Let love rule in 2013, Pisces. Born under the sign of compassion, you live for the exchange of true heartfelt energy. Romance for you extends far beyond just the coupling relationships of dating and mating. You're often in love with your entire social circle, not to mention animals, plants and even some beautiful seemingly inanimate objects. (but not like that lady who "married" the Eiffel Tower...) All is alive and endowed with feeling in the life of empathic Pisces. There's a reason you're called the 'bleeding heart of the zodiac'. You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you're adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that's drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio (NO MAAAAAMES! How the FUCK did you know that?!). Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone's potential. You've been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces. (BOOM! Left me speechless. ... the fuck is up with that?! P.S. I don't "crave" intimacy. Intimacy can go suck a dick)

The powerful eclipse points only intensify your desire for a solid mate (NEGATIVE!). You also find that you're more drawn to someone incredibly grounded if not bordering on earthy, someone real and sensual instead of fleeting and elusive (well, that DOES sound interesting. "Someone sensual"... hahahaha!). You want more tangible proof of your partner's affections instead of allowing yourself to get lost in love for the sake of love. You realize that you have to relate with your mind and the instincts of your body just as much as your heart. Letting your overly tolerant and permissive heart make all of the decisions has only proven detrimental in the past. Employing more discrimination and higher standards can only serve you well in the elimination process. Your friends and family will be thrilled instead of having to counsel you off the ledge of yet another self-sabotaging relationship where you give everything and receive little to nothing (sorry about that, guys...). 2013 is all about radical transformation and self-empowerment -- especially in intimate relationships. Rock on, gold dust woman! (Money... fucking money here. DAMN IT, creepy astrology!)

Success in your career endeavors is contingent upon the amount of energy you're willing to put into expanding your current sphere of expertise. You can sense that it's time to widen your professional horizons, Pisces. When you're fully able to access the power of your imagination, there's no limit to what you can do (ya heard?). 2013 brings plenty of potential for enhancing your current skill set. The eclipse patterns impact both your higher and lower mind, giving you a profound opportunity to tap into your deep well of wisdom. Your work is important to the world, and you're finally starting to realize that you have knowledge to share. No more playing invisible, Pisces. It's selfish not to share your gifts. (My bad...)

Neptune continues to shower your world with glamour. If you're not in high art, fashion, dance, spirituality, healing or anything that involves your imagination, you're probably not feeling fulfilled or even close to living up to your true potential. This is the year to pull everything into alignment. The beauty of being born under the constellation of Pisces is that you're endowed with infinite gifts all seeded in the depths of your imagination. All you have to do is create enough structure and discipline not to float into a dream world that never takes form in the physical universe (Well, I'll be fucking damned if that's not fucking on the money!). Once you start to materialize your vision, you're golden. This is what 2013 is all about for you, Pisces.

Scary.

But like... true.

"Gold Dust Woman"... I might like that one more than... I think it was "Enraged Shark"... 

Nah, I'll always choose "Enraged Shark." Suits me better.

otro año

You're mysterious, sensitive, introspective, and creative, with a tremendous capacity to understand or reflect the motives and dual nature of others. You are good at keeping secrets, and prefer to leave something to the imagination, rather than putting all your cards on the table at once, but this may be the result of being unsure or guarded about your own agenda or identity. You may have mood swings, and go through surreal phases or cycles, causing others to see you as inconsistent, romantic, gossiping, or irrational, but you trust your unconscious, and accept that the only constant thing about you is change.

You may be lousy at keeping secrets, have issues with women, sexuality, or esteem, but others may see you as solid, dependable, or rational. You might try to avoid extremes or put on a sunny face by day, but the night brings wild passion, sleeplessness, depression, loneliness, fear, or irrational thoughts about your identity. You may go through phases where your judgment is clouded by delusion, desire, lust, or attraction, or you may feel neurotic, unstable, or out of control. You might take pride in your ability to uncover hidden motives, spoil surprises, or reveal tricks or rumor, but this may be an attempt to distract from your own reflection or lack of imagination. There is light at the end of the tunnel once you are on the right track, or have dealt with these mental or emotional issues.

This year your convictions, determination, character, and courage could be tested through an inordinate number of challenges, and you'll come to understand that setbacks, suffering, or loss can either make you or break you. With perseverance, you won't let anything hold you down or cause you to give up, and you'll discover great inner powers of persuasion. You might have more responsibility or obligations than others over the course of the year, but how you handle them could make you an example of willpower and dignity, as well as an inspiration to others. This year, you'll have little tolerance for those who don't take responsibility for their lives, who blame bad luck, make excuses, or have a victim mentality, but learning to express compassion, especially when you think you're the only one going through difficulties, will be the greatest show of strength.
This year, jealousy, bad luck, shame, blame, insecurity, or a victim mentality could reflect an inability to accept responsibility for your choices or decisions. When things don't go your way, you might resort to threats, violence, retaliation, revenge, or other strong-armed tactics of manipulation in order to get your point across, or to get even. Becoming too controlling, getting into people's faces, talking over others, or going "off" on them, will only push them away, show a lack of self-control or willpower, or cause others to question your self-respect, while playing to the crowd could turn the situation into a circus. Your character and courage may be tested over the course of the year, but "what doesn't kill you," could inspire positive transformation.

Ayyyy güeyyy!
That is some creepy shit... but right on the money.

Happy birthday to me... in 59 minutes... ?

Chart me

Since I suck at explaining who I am, I'll let this Natal Chart thing-a-ma-bob speak for me (some side commentary if I feel like it). It's kind of right... which is SCARY.

-She is compassionate and sentimental. She likes isolated occupations: administration, archives, history. Spirit of self-sacrifice. (Yes. I like ISOLATION. And I'm self-sacrificing to a RETARDED degree)
-Influenced by the family, especially the mother. Proud, self-confident, she has faith in her future and is ambitious. (if you met my mother, you'd understand)
-She is intelligent and knows what she wants. Is a good organizer, she likes moving, travel. She likes literature. (I like literature as much as I like toothaches)
-She is aware of the goal to be achieved. She is strong, and always picks herself up after a setback. (I may grovel for a second, but I get over it. As for my strength, I was pretty much built to be able to wrestle water buffalo with my bare hands... although... water buffalo aren't indigenous to Mexico. I can also stiff arm like Marshawn Lynch)
-She is likable and sociable. Very sensitive to environmental conditions and surroundings. She likes home, habits, comfort and her little world. (I AM NOT sociable OR likable. Strangers have a tendency to dislike me for NO reason)
-Weaknesses: subject to family circle, indolence, inertia. She is impressionable and too sensitive.
-She has a tendency to bad dreams. Is interested in the occult. (and I subject anyone who will listen to my horrific dreams)
-She lacks firmness, she is weak and lazy. She likes to live in a dream, in the imaginary. (YOUR MOM is weak and lazy, biiiitch!)
-She wavers between a rich and successful love life and social success. She has difficulty in succeeding in both. (BINGO!)
-Weaknesses: melancholy, gullibility. Tendency to illusions, fears and apprehensiveness. (I am the QUEEN of gullibility)
-Brief passions. Bursts of friendship or embracing of causes that cannot be justified or which turn out not to be what they promised at the start. Becomes drunk with love or passion.  ("Becomes drunk with love or passion?" HAHAHAHA! Riiight.)
-Independent in love. Her love life is rich, but with passing love affairs. She tires quickly and is scared of losing her liberty. If she marries, she will regret it. She has that little something that attracts the opposite sex: she likes amorous adventures, she is romantic. She is the eternal lover and, of course, is unfaithful if she has a serious relationship. She likes art, anything new. (WTF?! I'm unfaithful? Who the fuck wrote this? They're getting stabbed)
-She is aggressive, offensive, impulsive, provoking. She is bold and adventurous. (In case my previous stabbing comment didn't convey this enough)
-Weaknesses: aggressiveness, boldness that can lead to violence, or to an accident, but certainly leads to problems. (kickboxing story, anyone? I blame being raised with such a violent older brother and Mom's very physical approach to parenting for this. But I will say this: I never instigate the violence)
-Spontaneous nature. She likes games, sometimes even violent sports. (ok, ok, I'm violent. Quit harping on that shit)
-Ambivalent feelings, generous, philanthropic. She is tolerant and indulgent.
-She has good judgement, a sense of values, an open and optimistic mind, a good education and high moral standards. She likes studying. Her professional work is a vocation and plays a great part in her life.
-She is methodical, patient, distrustful, polite. She speaks little and does not waste energy unnecessarily. She has a good memory and sense of organization, likes to do things well. She is never slapdash and has a sense of responsibility. (MONEY! Spot on)
-Observant, self-controlled, unforgiving, tough, methodical, a researcher, an investigator. Lots of courage, self-assurance and can keep her cool. (I forgive, but I don't forget. And I do keep my cool... until someone hits me for the fourth time and I just have to strike back)
-She is serious, sober, thoughtful, pays attention to detail. She likes to be with older people. (I don't mind older company. They have a tendency to dig me, and I dig right back)
-She is shy, delicate but proud, bold and lively. (initially shy and all that junk, then after a bit I get all annoying and whatnot)
-She is discerning, wise and sensible. (eh... I guess)
-Nothing is left to chance, everything is calculated, dissected slowly and methodically, twice rather than once, in peace and quiet by herself. She is introverted, and doesn't speak about her plans until they are underway. (Could not have said it better myself. Ever since elementary school, one of my biggest pet peeves is getting asked about my future plans-- those stupid assignments asking me what I planned on doing over break would always exasperate me and lead me to ask "What's it to you? It's none of your business." I'd rather get pistol whipped than go on about my plans. I keep those babies under lock and key... or on my blog)
-With lofty feelings, she is full of tenderness, sentimentality. Things do not always go her way. (hence why I detest talking about my plans with others. I hate being pitied when things don't go how I plan. Nothing feels worse than the pity of others. Nothing.)
-A meeting with a person who is either not free (WHAAAAT?!), too young or from a different family or social background means that living together will be done in the utmost secrecy while waiting for the chance to legalize the situation quietly, without any trouble. This state of affairs will make her melancholy (no shit?). A lovely little family will result from this union. (What. The. Fuck? I'm going to be a... home-wrecker? A pedophile? What the hell?!)
-Marries for love but also well financially. A peaceful union even if exchange of ideas isn't always smooth. (i.e. I will call my husband a "motherfucker" at least ONCE in our relationship. That's a given.)
-If she is a writer, a painter or involved in another of the Arts, and if fame doesn't come when living, then it will come posthumously. (well... that's comforting... NOT)
-Take care of the lungs - if a smoker, then it is advisable to stop. (I've ALWAYS been paranoid about my lungs... one of the reasons I chew out people who smoke around me)
-All the leadership qualities are there: authority, sense of organization, initiative, intelligence, but also thanks to outside help. She is a fighter. (Christina Aguilera told me so)
-Discussing ideas is not her cup of tea. Her knowledge is the result of study but also of the down-to-earth nature that characterizes her. (Yep)
-Marriage doesn't bring luck, honors come as she imagined they might. (What the fuck does this mean?)

They should have just summed it all up like this:
You're emotional, sensitive, and VIOLENT. Oh yeah, you TOTALLY shouldn't get married... avoid that shit... it'll fuck you up.

Preservatives

Today's:

Secrets are playing a role in your romantic affairs, Pisces, but this time the secrets are yours, aren't they? The issue that has been leaving you perplexed and upset with love has been coming from within, and so you will never move forward until you nip these things in the bud. It may be that an honest conversation with the person involved is required, and if you think this will lead to a loss of some sort, consider how things are being left as they are without this conversation. You are clearly not moving forward with the person that you wish to be doing so, and this is because you have not had as much honesty on the table as you should. In this case, honesty is scary for you, but so long as you remember that this person is more understanding and forgiving than you think, you will sail through this talk easier than you think. They are waiting for just a smile, and if you can accomplish that, everything else will work itself out very positively for you.

Yesterday's:

Things with love for you Pisces have not exactly been coming up roses lately, have they? This however is a period of discovery for you, and you may find these issues change if you make the right action choices to do so. It is possible that something that has been lost or hidden will come to light for you, and you may find some secrets or long buried feelings to contend with today. In fact do not be surprised if some of these buried feelings are your own, and if you are discovering this during this period, it may be time to take those feelings out and do something with them. Whatever you engage yourself in during this period, your intensity and drive will be high. These feelings are intense enough to be the real thing, so why not harness some of your infamous drive and energy, and put that into your romantic affairs for a change? You will be surprised quite pleasantly to discover that someone has been waiting for you to do just that.

I'm not much of a bluffer with my poker game. I stick to sharking. I calmly wait for someone to try to bluff me... and I pounce.
I learned this because the rare times I do bluff, someone always calls it... then I'm shit out of luck and broke.

It's not that I lie... I just... well, I guess it's technically lying by omission.
I could have had pocket aces and folded to a possible flush... or I could have had 7-2 off-suit, and it was all just an easy fold. You'll never know. I'll never tell.
Risk vs. Reward... and I'll only take the risk if the odds are with me.
Well... that's only the majority of the time...
There will be days when I'm being a dick, I'll play reckless like an asshole, and lose it all in one or two hands.

If I quit playing poker with my love-life, maybe what you say could be true, astrology.com.
But the risk is never worth taking.
That doesn't mean I haven't taken risks... it's just that the odds work against me. Every time. And I'm left wanting to just auto-post blinds, leave the table, and automatically fold to any raise. Y me quedo sin nada.
I'll try and shark when I think I have the game beat with a flush-- ace high, but someone busts out the straight flush.... with 7-2 off-suit, deuce being the winning suit... and I lose it all.
Broke and disillusioned.

So... you'll never be able to convince me otherwise, astrology.com. I refuse to open up... in any sense of the word. It's never worth it.
No one is waiting for my "conversation," so just shut the fuck up.

*****

I concentrate on empty spaces,
A passive pondering of blankness.
Sit down, shut up, controlled obsessions.
Your absence, it exhausts me.
...
I can't control my feelings.
I sip on dreams and choke on real things.
Detach myself for preservation.
I struggle to not want you.


I always panic when I'm left.
Is it healthy that we met?
If you stop coming, will I forget?
I always panic.


Today is going to be simple,
Today 'cause you're not around.
My heart will pound lazy,
No one to impress,
No smile is required
Today 'cause you're not around.
Today you won't be around.

*****

She asked how we are...
She asked If I was all weird again.
And of course I am,
But I'm trying really hard,
So I lied to her.
And I was wearing this prisoner face
So deep inside, she had to know:
Once again I've lost control.


For everything, there is a reason.
Everything, I hope in time, will come.


Lying in your bed,
I am a refugee you try to love.
But the love that he killed
Keeps coming back and haunting me.
Am I wasting all of your time
And all my cute days on regrets?
Is it healthy that we met?
...
Is it wrong holding on too much
To my best friend, my faded lover?
Who knows?


Cinderella Hope
And it's all because he made me laugh.
Coincidence or fate,
Running towards a catastrophe...
Save me.

*****

What some bullshit on an astrology page does to me...
Why couldn't I have been a cold-hearted Virgo? Fuck.

Leap Year!

I received this e-mail today from Astrology.com (so what if I find that shit entertaining):

Dear AnoMALIE,
It's February 29 … that's right, 2008 has an extra day! So-called 'leap' years occur every four years, as a way of getting the solar calendar to sync up with our numeric one.


Ancient lore has it that in on Leap Year Day, a lady could propose to any man without fear of social rejection or retribution. You might not want to put your sweetie on the spot just yet, but if you are looking to take a flying leap and risk your heart to get what you want, you'll have no regrets if you act in the next month.

So, Chase, should I go ahead and ask Mr. Darcy to marry me today?
Hahaha... (NO! I'm not that stupid)

I've always loved February 29th...
If only I were born in 1984... I would have been turning 6 years old today... instead of those stupid 23 tomorrow.
:[

Mooney... I ALWAYS think of your brother on this day... haha. Good times, good times.
:]

The stars don't like Cretins.

Man, no matter how hard I try to like this one dude, I just can't get over how much of a cretin he is.
I don't mean "like" in the sense of falling in love yada yada yada, no, I mean, to enjoy his company as the "boyfriend" of a friend's friend. To appreciate him being part of the group... and even the human race. To listen to his "arguments" and comments without it being accompanied by my desire to vomit or jump at his throat à la Homer Simpson with Bart (when his conversation revolves around math-oriented subjects is probably the only time I enjoy him even opening his mouth to utter anything. I must say, he's witty when it comes to that subject).

This kid is genuinely unlikable. He's such a prick... and it's not like he picks out a certain group to be a prick to, no, he's an equal opportunity offender.
It'd hurt if his insults were bad (as in, planned out... or making any sort of sense. Not his argument of "you suck because I say you suck even though I have no idea what cretin means because I don't care about reading or learning anything about language because if it isn't math it's stupid because it doesn't make sense to me and if it doesn't make sense to me it's stupid and fake and useless").
No, this kid's insults are similar to those of an eight year old (I was going to say ten-year-old, but I realized ten-year-olds usually know how to read, and this fucker's quite the retard). I think the only person he hurts is his girlfriend.
At some point they were engaged... I think... then all of a sudden he starts correcting people (and he does it like such an asshole, too) when they call her his girlfriend,
Him: Roommate! She's only my roommate!
Bitch.
I guess he thinks we'll find it funny... when it really only is insulting to the poor girl who's only a good person... like a little lamb.
Maybe that's why he angers me. If his chick were a fellow asshole, maybe I wouldn't mind... but this girl's a good girl that gets brainwashed by Cretin Boy into thinking she can do no better because she's a fat, ugly idiot (which she obviously is none of the above).

He ruined my night.
It would have been great had he been absent.
Cretin Boy, you ruined Astrology Night for me... thanks, bitch.

Anyway, Astrology Night was funny to me... because while Cretin Boy was talking his shit and saying the astrology stuff was stupid and people who liked it were stupid, the rest of us at the table read his "Birthday page" in which his personality was described. It fit him to a T. He read it and scoffed.
"I'm hurtful? Pfffft! No I'm not! Am I hurtful?! No!"
The rest of us at the table stared at each other.
Shit, the people who wrote this shit must have gotten the CIA to spy on Cretin Boy for a couple of months and used him to describe this day. Wow.
FutureDentistFriend wrote down Cretin Boy's name in the book faster than anybody else's.

Anyway, off him and onto people that really matter from that night:
I had previously been informed of FutureDentistFriend's interest in all that is Astrology (I mean, I kinda got the hint when I introduced myself to her for the first time and she asked for my birthday and then said "Ah! You're a Pisces! I get along with Pisces... nice to meet you, my Pisces friend!"), but when she walked in the Sushi place (my sushi appreciation is back on. I ate my California Roll without gagging) with that big book ("the Bible"), I got the picture of how much she dug the subject.
She made me read my "Birthday page," she wanted me to read it aloud, but instead, I just pointed to parts that were true about my nature.
There was a good amount that was wrong (the whole me being a business girl... or me paying a lot of attention to how good I look before going out was sort of wrong. I do like to go out looking decent, but I won't kill myself trying to... wait, no... I do. I take it back. I guess I disagreed because often, as hard as I try, I still go out looking like shit... I know it, and it does bother me for the rest of the day, but I know there isn't much more I can do. I was born this way, damn it! I can't fix my nose no matter how much bronzer I apply!), but there were parts that kind of freaked me out.
March 1st: The Day of Artistic Sensibilities.
No manchen! Que... acaso a mí también me persiguieron por meses y luego decidieron escribir esta chingadera, o qué?
Towards the end of the page I did get bummed out. It mentioned that when my life sucks... it really sucks. When it rains for me, it really pours. I experience the bad at a really bad level.
To which my response was:
THANK YOU! I've been trying to tell people that for years, but they just call me a drama queen!
Man, did I feel validated! haha.
The advice for me?
Be! Aggressive! Be! Be aggressive!!
Not exactly like that, obviously, but that was basically the bottom line.

At the end of it all, I had to sign my name to the page... because it did represent me to a large extent.
It made FutureDentistFriend happy, but I'm pretty sure I now have to go to confessionals and tell my priest about this (I also got a tarot reading from another friend at the table, which would probably be frowned upon much more by the priest than me reading a page from FutureDentistFriend's "Bible").
I'd do it again though, 'cause it was funny to see the look of "Oh shit!" from others who felt they were being described perfectly.
"This is some creepy shit, dude!"
Why, yes... yes it is.

P.S. Those sweet ass Hula-Hoop bruises are back! Except this time they're smaller... which makes me feel even more badass!
I'm growing immune to the hula! Holler!