Ants in my... box.

My parents are going to be those old people.
You know... the type that:
-Never have toilet paper in the guest bathroom.
-Have food still stuck on "clean" dishes/silverware.
-Give kids ten-year-old candy that is rock hard, and stuck to all adjacent pieces.

The last one leads me to what happened last night.

Recently, I've become addicted to raisins.
Dad had a huge bucket of them laying around, so I took to eating them whenever I felt a craving for unhealthy snacks... like those super good, super sugary tamarind Mexican candies that were once called "Lucas" here in the U.S., but to all us Mexican kids, they're known as "Pelones." Yummm...
Anyway, I've been snacking on raisins.
I did have my complains... particularly, how I'd sometimes get a seed... or what I perceived to be a twig.

Me: Can't these people go through the trouble of removing the damn stem?? Damn! I don't need to be reminded that I'm eating something that should probably only be eaten by deer... in the winter.
Mom: Don't complain... at least they go through the trouble of putting them in boxes for you.
Me: Yeah... but I might as well go outside and grab a handful of dirt... it'd feel the same way on my teeth.

So... even with this problem/complaint, I'd pop raisins in my mouth.

Well, last night I was bored... and craving chocolate.
Trying to be a good, health-conscious girl, I went to the fridge to get some raisins.
I noticed the little bucket was nearly empty, the bottom being visible from various angles.

Yes... I'm almost done with this retarded box of raisins.

I wanted to finish the "bucket" because the raisins were all deformed...as was the "bucket" itself.

As I popped raisins in my mouth, I would be reading my new issue of Glamour (I've grown attached as the years go by. I also find myself being nitpick-y with the writing. I have a hissy-fit each time I find typos... or grammatical errors. I'm so lame). Once in a while, I'd feel this strange crunchiness, but dismissed it as a twig... or a small seed.

Man... I feel like an animal. I don't remember Sun-Maid Raisins ever having twigs or stems back in my elementary school days...

That's when a "twig" fell on the page I was reading.

WTH... why is it... half black... half re... OMG... it's an ANT! A frozen ANT!!

I immediately looked in the "bucket" and sure enough... there were about 10 dead ants... on the bottom of the "bucket," on the raisins themselves... just... I started to see them where I had originally believed to simply be "raisin residue."

Me: MOM!! WHY ARE THERE ANTS IN THESE RAISINS?!
Mom: What???
Me: You guys are gonna be those freakin' old people that have rotting food in their fridge and will never notice! What the hell is this?!
Mom: No... you're lying (don't you love that reaction? Why would I lie?)! Gimme the box!
Me: They're all over the place... that's what I've been crunching on this entire time... no seeds or twigs... mannnn!
Mom: But... your dad drowned them all...
Me: ?!?!?
Mom: Yeah... when he had this in his room, the ants started to invade the box... so your dad put the box in water... to kill them all... then dried the box and put it in the fridge so the ants wouldn't get the raisins.
Me: ?!?!? (my eyebrows were doing more of the talking)

So yes... I've been downing a little extra protein this entire time.
...

Why is it always during lent time that things like this happen to me?

Day 3 of dull(er!) AnoMALIE is half-way through, and I'm holding up real nice (sure, I've almost popped a vein in my brain a couple of times as I hold back the big words I wish to express, but I'm still alive).

Cuss count: 3 (Yesterday I added one more to my count because I once again dropped the F-bomb when I saw Shaq had been traded to the Suns in exchange for Shawn Marion and Marcus Banks. I love Shawn Marion... and I hate the Heat... and Shaq... well... he's... Shaq [sure, I'll confess I loved him while growing up because he was so damn cool... even his Kazzam movie. But come on! When the play named after you is "Hack-a-Shaq," it's kind of... not good]. If it would have been Steve Nash... screw this whole no-cussing thing... I would have gone on a Big-Word-tirade)

Green "tortillas"

Mission "Garden Spinach Herb Wraps" are an abomination to all that is considered food... or non-toxic (I'll take a bite of Play*Dough before I ever eat one of those green monstrosities again).

It's even more atrocious that they're kept next to REAL tortillas... with REAL flavor... as if Mexicans are somehow responsible for this disgusting creation unworthy of being eaten, even by... starving rabbits.

Do you know how hard it was for me to keep my mouth shut and only shout "Gahhhhhhh!!! This... suckssssss!" as I ate that terrible "wrap?"
I did--mentally-- drop the F-bomb about five times "F*ck! This is so f*cking nasty! F**********************ck! Gahhh... f*ck this S#!t!"

However... I'm holding up nicely... kind of, when it comes to not cussing.

Day 2 of dull(er!) AnoMALIE is in progress... but it looks like I'll make it through cuss-free.
Cuss count: Still just the two from yesterday.

Shiny metal things

I stepped outside to feed Tyson today, and what was the first thing I saw?
The saw and ax (there's even a machete there) have been sitting on that bench for a while now, but I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't stop for a second.

Why so jumpy?
American Psycho + 1 AM + sleepy AnoMALIE = Jumpy AnoMALIE.

While the movie wasn't scary... seeing an ax on the bench in my backyard did startle me for a second... that saw doesn't help, either.

I thought I had seen the movie before... but I guess I'm confusing it with a different one.
Pretty badass... and I was surprised when I found myself laughing in parts (come on... feeding a stray kitty to an ATM machine? Bwahaha! And the issue with the business cards won me over).
It also made me understand Mr. D. a lot better than I thought I did.
I appreciate him/his humor a lot better now (I'm still slightly intimidated by him... like... in a good way, I suppose... but never, ever, ever will I be in the same room as Mr. D. and a sharp object/strong powertool in my life).
The dark humor made me feel guilty at times... but that wouldn't keep me from laughing out loud at 2 in the morning (I'm sure my mother now suspects I'm somewhat deranged... poor mom).

I'm just glad I watched this thing before I began this whole lent thing...
Uncut DVD version + naked Christian Bale= ain't nothing gonna keep me from thinkin' bad thoughts!

Anyway...
Here starts day one of dull(er!) AnoMALIE.
Cheers.

Cuss count:
2 (I dropped the F-bomb while looking at Manchester tickets... then again when I mentioned a certain guy and I called him "F*ckn' retarded." All in all, this is a pretty good start)

Mardi Gordo, AnoMALIE style

So...
Mardi Gras...
Plus Cristiano Ronaldo's 23rd birthday.

How did I spend it?
-I tried every drug I could get a hold of...
-I got lit off my ass in honor of Mr. dos Santos Aveiro's 23rd... then drove...
-I fucked like a rabbit... the whole time imagining Mr. C. Ronaldo...
-I cussed AND blew cigarette smoke in the face of infants...
-I fought every girl who dogged me... even the ones who didn't, but I just thought were too damn pretty and thus intimidated me into punching them a couple of times...
-I talked shit about anyone and everyone...
-I stuffed my face until I vomited... a few times, very a la Roman orgy style...
-I shot a couple of people... mostly just old people who got in my way with their stupid walkers...
-I defaced public AND private property...
-And did I mention I robbed a couple of banks?

All in the name of Fat Tuesday!

In all reality, I just:
-Grew up a little by opening a checking account.
-"Mom"ed my little sister (just a little) for doing this.
-Proceeded to have a very "girly" evening with Mooney which consisted of watching 27 Dresses, an hour of Degrassi (Man, do I miss that show!) at her crib... where we chatted over--what else?!-- guys and how fucking annoying some Obnoxious motherfuckers can be (or how amazingly gorgeous others might be. Pardon my sighs, Mooney. I can be such a girl sometimes! :D haha).
-Ate (one of my friends has seriously messed me up when it comes to that word. I read it and think "Why the hell am I saying sister?!" I think I may be getting the swing of Tagalog) Tacos... some fucking amazing... delicious... wonderful... dreamy (not so creamy) tacos... Mmmmmmmmmm. I realize I do love me some tacos... real Mexican tacos... with lots and lots of cilantro. Viva Mexico! Ajua!
- Cussed... and cussed... and cussed... to my little heart's content. God... will I miss being vulgar... my heart aches.
- Borrowed American Psycho from Mooney... I'm so excited!
- Informed everyone I saw that "It's Cristiano Ronaldo's birthday today!"

All in the name of Mardi Gras.

**Warning, creepy-girl portion coming up ahead**

Happy Birthday to the love of my life... the most handsome man in the face of the planet... universe... solar system... whatever...
Mr. Cristiano Ronaldo.

Le sigh...
God bless the day you were put on this green Earth for me to gawk at... you fine, fine specimen... awesome in any and all angles. MMmmmm, mmm, mmmmm!

I really do hope Cristiano used some better looking prostitutes this time.

Ok... creepy-girl post ends here.
Haha.
What can I say? My teenage years were spent in the midst of the *NSYNC, BSB craze... it's not easy to let go of some of those tendencies now in my "adult" years.

Gearing Up

I canceled my phone's Internet service on Saturday.
It's only my 3rd day without it, and I already miss it like crazy.

I also changed my text messaging plan (hijole, TravelinDin, el muchacho que nos atendio la utlima vez nos atendio el Sabado, y se recordo de nosotras. :) Es tan simpatico ese chavo)... but Obnoxious Guy will NEVER know of this... never-fucking-ever.

Anyway, Lent beings on Wednesday... so right now... I'm swearing it up like a sailor.
Once again... and I do believe this marks my tenth year doing this, I am giving up cussing.
This time, however, I will attempt to accomplish such feat by broadening my vocabulary.
I'll also brush up on my Portuguese/French skills.
I'm going to be one boring little girl.

May God help us all...

P.S. I feel miserable right now... do you know how bad it feels to stifle a cry for two hours? Sheesh! That's what I found myself doing all throughout Atonement last night. Now I feel this heaviness in my chest... and my throat hurts. I'd still watch the film, however... repeatedly... until I would find it pointless to cry... kind of like I did with Pan's Labyrinth... although I'm sure if the timing is right, I'll still shed a tear with PL.
P.P.S. If my mind serves me correctly, I do believe today marks my one year anniversary with this blog.
I'm still not attached to it like I am to the other one... and I'm pretty sure it won't last me nearly as long.

Tourist for a day

Just quick jubilant note that I can't live without screaming:
I'M GOING TO EUROPE ALONE!
...
FOR AS LONG AS I WANT!!!

What does this translate to?
I'm fucking staying there until international law allows! (a measly 3 months since I don't have a Visa)
God... I need this... I need this bad.

:DDDDDDDDDD

Anyway,

Recap of last night, with the aid of some pictures:

The girls and I decided to pre-game at a Mexican restaurant.
I had heard a lot about this place, particularly from my Caucasian acquaintances. They have issues saying the name (Bonito Michoacan), so I get a kick out of them asking me if I've ever had any.

No. I hadn't tried--in their words-- "Bo-niddo M-cho-cun" (in case you're wondering, it sounds more like "Bo-knee-toe Me-cho-ah-cahn")... not until yesterday, that is.

I'm Mexican, therefore I find it stupid to eat Mexican food at a restaurant.
In my eyes, no matter how awesome a place might be, I know I'll always have a relative whose food can blow that place out of the water.
Anyway, since it was AnoMALIE04's birthday celebration, we all were given margaritas... that were pretty awesome... and not too large. AnoMALIE04's holding her drink... that she couldn't finish (none of us could. I would have done it... but as soon as I felt a buzz, I started downing water like a camel... so there was no room left for the remainder of the margarita. I'm such a damn lightweight!)I didn't have anything to eat, because I was full from the afternoon (sushi and Subway... no need for more junk in my gut).
I did, however, taste this dessert... called "La Banana Feliz" aka "The happy banana."
We had a good laugh because the waiter (which we've known since we were all in elementary school) said "Quieren que les saque la banana... wait... I didn't mean that!" (which in English, it would have been equivalent to "Want me to whip out my banana..."etc. Mexicans I say!! We are GIFTED!)
At the restaurant, I found out it's basically an elementary school reunion.
All the Hispanic kids I went to school with work there... and so... I was being told of all the drama these kids are having today (lots).
We also had an enormous discount... and they gave us the margarita glasses for free, even if we didn't finish the drinks.
AnoMALIE04 also had a birthday shot... and more dessert on the house.
The guys ringing the cymbals (they had cymbals!) as they sang happy birthday almost made me go deaf.
Overall... it was a pleasant experience... and boy, am I glad I'm Hispanic and now have hook-ups all over town.

Anyway, we then headed out to Tao...
I am now more convinced than ever:
Tao sucks balls.
I hate the place.

The only nifty thing you get out of there is the fucking stamp they mark you with to denote your superiority over the non-locals/poor happy-go-lucky folks who decide to do things on a whim/people who don't have hook ups with the place (please note the sarcasm).
We, as you can probably guess by now, we have the hook up when it comes to VIP, so we were marked like cattle.
Then came the dancing part.
Yesss... The dancing.
Once again, we were all mesmerized by the Go-Go dancers (everyone on the dance floor, really). Not because of their moves (hell no. They perform the same move repeatedly. They don't even shake their ass like a Brazillian girl. Which in my opinion... in order to be a good Go-Go dancer, you must know how to shake it like a Brazillian girl), but because no matter who you are, seeing those chicks on stage just motivates you to hit the gym... hard.
Chase... the project is so on!

But that music...
MAN!
The music!
I would listen to Free Zone DJs a million times over the ones at Tao.
Sure, the DJ's are hotter at Tao (and probably straighter)... don't get me wrong, but... I wanted to climb to their podium and scream at them for their vile use of their turn tables.

Instead, I'd stand there (I was probably one of the tallest girls there... with my six-inch heels. haha. I was taller than a good number of men present) and shake my head when I heard a song I disliked (which was often. They played MIMS at one point... and when I figured out it was him, I stood still).
I also had to use this quite often while dancing:
Guys would be so imposing... after a while, I stopped giving a shit and I just started throwing elbows at motherfucker's backs.
I only elbowed guys, though... the overly-touchy-feely ones (there were maybe three guys that were pretty hot... and I didn't mind them rubbing up behind me) that were just a tad bit too drunk.
I'd push back a girl if she pushed me, but nothing major... and this time no chick groped me or hit on me, which ever so nicely kept "awkward" form having to be used as a descriptor for my night.
One girl did pour her drink down my ass for no apparent reason, though... and that's when we decided to call it a night, because AnoMALIE isn't very nice when bitches start crossing the line like that (and why is it always the fucking stumpy ones who always do that type of shit?). Do they think the tall girl will take pity on the shorty because of her height deficiency, and not slap a deserving bitch (they are correct in their assumption that I won't slap a bitch. As much as I dislike Tao, I wouldn't like to be banned from it for punching some short bitch who poured her drink down my ass)?
Eventually, my patience (fear of breaking rules? Fear of upsetting people?) will run dry and I will have to not only slap, but punch, a hoe.

So, we left the place.
But we headed down to the casino... to play the penny slots.It was my first time gambling (how tragic, I live in Vegas, yet it took me nearly 2 extra years after turning 21 to gamble for a first time), I took out the seven singles I had in my back pocket, and played each soggy dollar one by one.
I had two dollars left in my pocket when I won this much:
I cashed out... since I felt I had won a profit of 1 dollar.
However, since AnoMALIE04 was attached to her slot machine, as was our other friend Sunny, I decided to insert my voucher and play the 52 extra cents I had.
That's when this happened:From there, I won an extra two dollars... played 86 cents.... then cashed out with 1900 credits, aka $19.
Hey, considering I only played 7 bucks... I gained a profit of $12.
Good enough for my broke ass.
AnoMALIE04 had a net loss of 7 bucks... and Sunny a total loss of 15 dollars.
AnoMALIE... as in, me, was the only winner that night.
Nice change of pace for once.
Will I gamble again?
Nah.
I might play a couple of hands of Texas Hold 'Em and regular poker.... but slot machines are just not for me (I kept thinking of my high school calculus teacher as I played... and I felt bad... because he thinks people who play on the slot machines are kinda, sorta retarded... I found myself constantly thinking "Oh my God... I'm admitting to being kind of... sot of retarded. I must stop this immediately!" We had some lady "lurker" who immediately stole my machine once I stood up... and it was like "WTF lady? Chill... this thing is stupid, anyway").

So, I came home in time to catch the end of "Poker After Dark," and called it a night.

I woke up with blistered feet.
I hate heels.
... but I'm still clubbin' some more later on tonight.

I'm bad.

Uneasy

This makes me uneasy:
Notice they neglect to mention whether or not the pepperoni is "real."
Yeah...
I love those tiny pepperoni cubes...
It's the only way I'll eat pepperoni.
How disappointing.

You know what else makes me uneasy?
I'm turning 23 in exactly one month.
Oi... I'm old....
:(