Cure!

Fastest way to get over pink eye?

Get a phone call from the coroner's office.

This happened last night.
It was strange because the detective called my dad's cell phone, not the house phone.

We were terrified at first (All Dad said was "HEY!!! The morgue just called me!" which I immediately screamed "WHAT?!?!" then he said "Yeah, you know, the coronary's office." Coronary... ha!)... but upon hearing the name, we all just sat in my parent's room trying to come up with possible people this unknown guy could be.
We got the description of the man, his age, the name of his ex-wife, the cause of death, and his name.

After all this, we still couldn't come up with who the dude might be... but Dad said he'd ask around and see if he could find out... if not... he'd go see this dude at the morgue.

After hanging up, Dad wondered:
"Why the hell did they call my cell phone?? Why was I the first they called?? How'd they get my number?"

This is terrible.

However... my eye doesn't even bother me now.
Now it's just my conscious that's bugging the shit out of me.

PSA

ALWAYS remove any eye makeup before going to bed.
Failure to do so may result in unsightly redness (and sometimes excruciating pain) in the eye(s).

This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by:

Why the fuck is my eye burning at 7 in the morning... and why is my left eye so small?
Maybe it's Maybelline? Well, what else could it have been, Sherlock?!
and
Conjunctivitis, that shit don't play.

I feel stupid.

Hello, my name is:

Enough with me hiding behind a pseudonym, my real name is:

Oddly enough, I purchased this in Rome, of all places.

I have a feeling it really doesn't say what I think it does... although my name does have 3 syllables.
Close enough, I say.

I did what?!

Yesterday, while I was in the midst of one of my many Wiki-addiction episodes... I bumped into a word I knew I had heard before, but couldn't quite figure it out.

"Catacomb"
Ok... I knew I had heard that one before.
I clicked.
It mentioned Rome.
So I clicked...
Then it mentioned how Via Appia "along the part of the road closest to Rome, one can see many tombs and catacombs of Roman and early Christian origin".

Via Appia... Via Appia...

Then I remembered:

Of fucking course.
That was the road our Hotel was on... the one we had to cross in order to catch the bus into Rome... the one we walked a couple of times... where I even went to the grocery store.

Fuck, dude, I swear... we get so worked up and nervous, we tend to take our surroundings for granted.
I travelled Via Appia and didn't know its importance.
Fuck.

Ooops moment(s)

Shit... I just noticed one of my cousins is engaged... she's been engaged for 10 days now.

Ooooooops!

She commented a couple of my Europe pictures... and I just pressed the "comment back" option on one of them, answered one of her questions (now that I think about it, I suspect it was a ploy for me to visit her page and notice she's now engaged... but I'm too cynical to pay any mind to a main picture that contains a rose and diamond ring in close proximity--fuck, I'm a retard), and ended with
"What have you been up to?"
She wrote back:
"Awesome! Que bueno... "

Which made me think "Ok... you didn't answer my question..." and there's nothing in this world that irritates me more than someone not answering one of my fucking questions (motherfucker, I went through the trouble of inquiring about you... do you know how special that makes you? Come on now! I don't talk to everybody, I'm like the elusive... mid to late 1990's Macaulay Culkin... in a female version... without his slight creepiness). I don't make small talk... I'd rather make no talk.

Anyway!
I was going through... I think it was my comment, and I looked once again at her main picture.

No shit.... is that... a... that better be a "the store was having a 'Going-out-of-business' sale so I bought you this" ring

I went to her page, realized my error... apologized repeatedly... then feigned excitement... well, not entirely, since I am happy for her, but deep down inside I'm also screaming "FUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHCKKKKKKKKK! I'm gonna die a spinster!!!!"

God... another wedding...

Anyway, in order to forget this somewhat uncomfortable ordeal, I have a funny anecdote from my travels:

In Rome, while walking down a small, crowded street, a man was walking toward us.

Clemson: Look! A Mormon!!
Me: They're in Rome?!!? Where?!
Clemson: (pointing) Right there.
TravelinDin: That's no mormon...

What did this guy look like? (I would have probably forgotten about this had I not bumped into a group of Hasidic Jews last night)

Needless to say, TravelinDin and I laughed for a good five minutes... constantly pointing out people that would MORE likely be Mormon... i.e. anyone else.
Clemson didn't find it as funny.
(Turns out, Clemson's never met a Mormon... she'd just heard that "they're weird" and found this guy "weird enough." Alright then... someone doesn't watch South Park...)

Inalcanzable? No mames!

Heard just a couple of minutes ago:

"No, p'os dice tu papi que ya dicen los muchachos de *Mexican Hometown* que con este viaje a Europa, ustedes ya son inalcanzables para ellos."
-Mom

Right... ok... like they wanted anything to do with me in the first place (TravelinDin? Yes. Me? They'd rather drink battery acid while getting kicked in the balls by a wild burro. However, the feeling is mutual. Whereas my sister wouldn't mind dating a guy from those parts, I'd much rather get eviscerated by the slowest bull in Pamplona.).

Dipshits (Los Muchachos, not my parents).


One last gem I got out of the same conversation with Mom:

Me: Your mocosa's quite popular with the Spanish crowd. They claim her as one of their own.
Mom: Yes. I'm not just saying this because she's my daughter, but TravelinDin is a beautiful girl!
Me: Yeah, the Spanish love her. She fits right in. I pretty much don't... they straight up call me "Native American" over there. Whatever.
Mom: Yeah... I ruined you by giving you my nose.

Thanks Mom! Just lovely!
:D

When in Rome... Part I

Ok, Rome time:
We spent 3 days discovering Rome, so I'm spreading the stories over 3 days.
Here's what happened on day 1.

On the plane to Rome, we sat next to the hottest guy ever... sadly, he was accompanied by his very touchy-feely, incredibly ugly boyfriend.
We weren't sad over the fact that Handsome Boy was taken by a dude, but the fact that he was taken by an ugly person.
Anyway, our plane landed at somwhere around 12PM? I can no longer remember, it was so long ago (not really, I just have really bad memory as of lately). We were immediately helped by a really attractive taxi driver guy... who found us a guy who would take us to our hotel.
He was very... he... well, he tried flirting... but it was like flirting with a wall.
He dropped us off at our gorgeous hotel, that was about 3 minutes away from the airport, and charged us 30 Euros... the fuckhead. I know for next time: flirt with the motherfucker!

This is where I almost get a coronary:
Turns out, TravelinDin and Clemson made reservations at hotels... but only for 2 people... meaning one would have to sneak in here, and in Paris.

What the FUCK?! I follow rules, retards! I'm not about to sneak in to shit. How fucking old do you think I am?

I was so pissed over this piece of information, I told them they were going to have to fight it out between themselves to see who'd be the other person to check in... because in both occasions, I was definitely going to check in at the Hotels as a guest.

Clemson then said she was going to be the other person checking in at this hotel, since her credit card was the one being charged for our stay.
Once we were getting closer to the check-in desk, TravelinDin and I started feeling guilty.

Me: Dude, fuck this shit... we'll just ask them to add another person to our room... we'll pay them on the spot if we must.
TravelinDin: Yeah, let's do that... I don't feel good about sneaking in.
Clemson: You guys worry too much...everything will be fine.

So we go, check in... TravlinDin is about to ask to please get added to our room when Clemson interjects:
"Oh, she's not with us! She's just helping us carry our bags."

Well, FUCK YOU, you cheap cunt!

TravelinDin just stared at me and shrugged.
The guy at the front desk knew what was going on, but he was being nice and didn't say a word.
We were given our ONE key, and we headed to our room to freshen up for our first day in Rome (see, it was about 30 minutes away from ROME Rome, so we had to ride the bus, to the metro into the city... therefore we saw it best if we were clean for that lengthy ride).

As the girls freshened up, I took pictures of our pretty hotel:(That vineyard would look cooler if covered with leaves...)(HDT is sitting on top of my favorite treat: Nutella!! I was going to bring some, but it was one of the many things I forgot last-minute at my sister's apartment)

Anyway, once everyone was ready, we headed for the bus stop, which was situated in the middle of the freeway... and we waited.
Once we saw the bus, Clemson asked "Does this takes us to Rome?"
The cool bus driver looked a little confused... so she asked again... he was still confused... so TravelinDin said "Roma?" and he nodded and told us to hop on in.
The ride was smooth... we saw little towns... then we were dropped at the bus station.
Clemson then asked the bus driver what we were supposed to do from there.
"Metro's down there..."
So we go down into the metro... and become even more confused. However, Clemson remembers that the Metro is actually pretty good... so she goes to a window to ask for a ticket.
TravelinDin was smart, and read a flier that mentioned the 3-day Tourist Pass for 11 Euros.
So, we purchased 3 (not before Clemson thinking what a great idea it would have been if we would have only purchased ONE and used it amongst us three... which once again... made me fume at the ears... and made me want to kick her repeatedly in the uterus... to prevent any more cheap rats from being born into the world. Why the fuck do you travel if you don't have the fucking money for it?!? SHIT!!).
We rode the metro to the very aptly named stop: Colosseo.
This was the first thing I saw when we exited the metro: Saaaa-weet, right? Well, I wasn't as amazed, because I was still pretty pissed about the whole "I just realized I went on Spring Break with the world's biggest cheapskate! Jesus Christ, please help me and keep me from smothering this bitch in her sleep!" realization.

Anyway, as we explored the coliseum and the arc that's right next to it, our tempers cooled... and we headed for the forums:(You can't tell, but the damn sun fucked up my picture... although, I shouldn't complain... that sun made the weather be around a nice, toasty 80 degrees)

This was to my right: (TravelinDin.... I'm immitating that one artists that blots out people's faces using brightly colored circles... like what we saw at the Guggenheim and Tate's Modern. Haha, anyway, this was the entrance to the garden of a very old church that had some very pretty "stations of the cross" carvings.)

This was to my left:
(The actual forums... blocked off by giant gates... to prevent cheapskates from getting in without paying. This was actually the exit)

The only cheapskate that could get in without paying was HDT:

We then decided we were going to visit the Trevi Fountain, eat "the best gelato ever," and call it a day (plus, we had no idea when the last bus ran... so we wanted to play it safe and actually catch a bus before it was too late).
So we walk around the Forums:
And head toward the fountain (I would have taken pictures of more monuments... but for some reason, italy thinks it's a great idea to have every single thing under construction... and hence, it covers the building with a very stupid white plastic sheath... fucking up all pictures).
On our way, we note that Italians are very... tactile people. So friendly:

It made me a little sad to notice the distance between TravelinDin and me... and we're siblings... where's the love, right?
Almost everyone in Rome walked holding another person... weird... cute weird.
Anyway, we finally reached our goal of finding the fountain... We purchased some souvenirs... bought this famous gelato (I had three flavors: raspberry, lime, and mango)... sat in front of the fountain... ate our gelato... people-watched... avoided the gypsies... thought "Fuck... gelato's vastly overrated"... then headed home.

Day one in Rome over.