I've been on the receiving end of some very sweet compliments from guys recently. It helps, a little, to ease the hurt incurred Thursday night.
Another wedding, Thursday night.
I was actually excited about this wedding, since I had been told it'd be a very intimate affair (the fact that this was going down on a Thursday aided in fueling this false sense of security).
Intimate = not many people = comfortable.
Of course, I should have known better, considering this was the wedding of the girl whose bridal shower I attended last month where the ladies hounded me about my single status and the girls shunned me for being hopelessly single.
Sure, this was going to be "intimate"... but how about the quality of the people? No one promised that to be "comfortable."
Comfortable this wedding was not.
Since I'm single, OF COURSE my paired up friends (ALL of the girls at this place had a partner of some sort. Except for me, of course-- the eternal bachelorette/spinster/cat-allergic-catlady) thought they'd do me a solid by sitting me at a table alongside single dudes. Of course.
1. They were younger than me.
2. They were divorced.
3. They had children.
4. They were bald-headed ex-cons.
5. Covered in tattoos.
Rad.
The outcome? They were treating me like garbage... THEY were upset they got stuck with me.
Ahhhh, this familiar spot, yes.
I had a wonderful flashback to the summer of 1999... the beautiful time when the boys in Mexico decided to bully the fucking shit out of me for being fat... when they'd moo and oink at me when I'd walk by. The awesome days when boys would be absolutely disgusted at the mere insinuation that they'd have a crush on me, or WORSE, ME on them.
(Just mentioning that shit makes my stomach drop... it's insane how my mind still remembers the exact feelings all that shit elicited in me... it's so fucking vivid)
It was SO FUN to sit there and see these bald-headed cholos treat ME like the leper... how appalled and annoyed they'd get when others at the table tried getting them to talk to me. Shit, even ACKNOWLEDGING my presence seemed to irritate them.
I'm not quick when I'm upset. I don't know witty comebacks to throw at jerks who cross a line with me... not this line. No, I freeze. I am so shocked and upset at the realization that adult men can still treat me this way, I lose my power to speak.
The worst part was that the ladies at the table would not relent. They'd continually poke around to try and encourage them to hit it off with me.
I'd look down at my phone and play games, hoping any conversation topic relating to me would end once they'd note I was mentally checked out. I also did it to avoid seeing the look of disgust on one particular dude-- he was SO annoyed... and even looked insulted at the fact that "this was the best they could do?"
What was my sin? I have no clue... sitting at the table? NOT being a bitch when I took my seat, and actually smiling?
I walked into the venue ten minutes after the party was allowed in, looked for my table, found my table, smiled and greeted everyone that was already seated, and I took my seat. I looked around and admired the decorations and food, and the bride and groom. I was being me and minding my own business.
When the insulting glances and snide remarks finally made me reach my breaking point, I excused myself to the bathroom and did what I do in public restrooms-- I cried.
When I returned to the table after sniffling away the emotional injury, the main jerk was gone-- and his mom STILL tried giving me his number.
???
I proceeded to stuff my face with a cupcake... spending the rest of the night calmly watching the rest of the room hit the dance floor.
It's shit like that which fucks me up. I can hear 100 compliments every day for a month and never believe a single one... but give me ONE "Ugh" or disdainful stare and I will be emotionally fucked up for MONTHS. I will believe I'm disgusting for fucking MONTHS... if not forever, which seems to be more accurate.
A fucking cholo made me feel like a hideous monster and reduced me to tears at a wedding... ain't that some shit.
Hey, AnoMALIE! Why do you have massive social anxiety, again?
Another wedding, Thursday night.
I was actually excited about this wedding, since I had been told it'd be a very intimate affair (the fact that this was going down on a Thursday aided in fueling this false sense of security).
Intimate = not many people = comfortable.
Of course, I should have known better, considering this was the wedding of the girl whose bridal shower I attended last month where the ladies hounded me about my single status and the girls shunned me for being hopelessly single.
Sure, this was going to be "intimate"... but how about the quality of the people? No one promised that to be "comfortable."
Comfortable this wedding was not.
Since I'm single, OF COURSE my paired up friends (ALL of the girls at this place had a partner of some sort. Except for me, of course-- the eternal bachelorette/spinster/cat-allergic-catlady) thought they'd do me a solid by sitting me at a table alongside single dudes. Of course.
1. They were younger than me.
2. They were divorced.
3. They had children.
4. They were bald-headed ex-cons.
5. Covered in tattoos.
Rad.
The outcome? They were treating me like garbage... THEY were upset they got stuck with me.
Ahhhh, this familiar spot, yes.
I had a wonderful flashback to the summer of 1999... the beautiful time when the boys in Mexico decided to bully the fucking shit out of me for being fat... when they'd moo and oink at me when I'd walk by. The awesome days when boys would be absolutely disgusted at the mere insinuation that they'd have a crush on me, or WORSE, ME on them.
(Just mentioning that shit makes my stomach drop... it's insane how my mind still remembers the exact feelings all that shit elicited in me... it's so fucking vivid)
It was SO FUN to sit there and see these bald-headed cholos treat ME like the leper... how appalled and annoyed they'd get when others at the table tried getting them to talk to me. Shit, even ACKNOWLEDGING my presence seemed to irritate them.
I'm not quick when I'm upset. I don't know witty comebacks to throw at jerks who cross a line with me... not this line. No, I freeze. I am so shocked and upset at the realization that adult men can still treat me this way, I lose my power to speak.
The worst part was that the ladies at the table would not relent. They'd continually poke around to try and encourage them to hit it off with me.
I'd look down at my phone and play games, hoping any conversation topic relating to me would end once they'd note I was mentally checked out. I also did it to avoid seeing the look of disgust on one particular dude-- he was SO annoyed... and even looked insulted at the fact that "this was the best they could do?"
What was my sin? I have no clue... sitting at the table? NOT being a bitch when I took my seat, and actually smiling?
I walked into the venue ten minutes after the party was allowed in, looked for my table, found my table, smiled and greeted everyone that was already seated, and I took my seat. I looked around and admired the decorations and food, and the bride and groom. I was being me and minding my own business.
When the insulting glances and snide remarks finally made me reach my breaking point, I excused myself to the bathroom and did what I do in public restrooms-- I cried.
When I returned to the table after sniffling away the emotional injury, the main jerk was gone-- and his mom STILL tried giving me his number.
???
I proceeded to stuff my face with a cupcake... spending the rest of the night calmly watching the rest of the room hit the dance floor.
It's shit like that which fucks me up. I can hear 100 compliments every day for a month and never believe a single one... but give me ONE "Ugh" or disdainful stare and I will be emotionally fucked up for MONTHS. I will believe I'm disgusting for fucking MONTHS... if not forever, which seems to be more accurate.
A fucking cholo made me feel like a hideous monster and reduced me to tears at a wedding... ain't that some shit.
Hey, AnoMALIE! Why do you have massive social anxiety, again?
2 comments:
I don't understand how anyone can treat you like that.
Aside from having an amazing personality.. you're gorgeous (I am pretty positive 100/100 people that I know would agree with that statement.)
Maybe you were too tall? Maybe he could sense you were smarter than him? Most likely he immediately knew you were better than him.
What an asshole for being such a prick in general-if someone is going to behave like that in public/in any situation... WHO WOULD 1) HIRE THEM 2) BE THEIR FRIEND 3) DATE THEM???
I don't know the answer to that question. I sure would not, any.
I would have told his mother "Oh thanks, I'll be sure to call it when your son learns etiquette and how to interact in public with strangers without coming off like a sophomoric prick."
the more I think of the guy, the more I think it's his way of landing a girl-- beat the shit out of her self-esteem enough to later have her feel "honored" when he begins to pay attention to her. Probably how he keeps girls submissive and brainwashed into staying with him.
I mean, after an hour I found myself wondering how the fuck I could get on this guy's good side... probably would have patted my own back the moment he'd be nice to me.
That's pretty much the only way I can explain his shitty behavior.
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