Fishy 2013

Haaaa! And just when I make my resolutions, astrology stops me in my tracks and freaks me the fuck out.
It's on the money, not gonna lie.
How the fuck is this... how do they... fuck, man...
(Like how I play catch-up? I'm a master of procrastination!)
Check it. My year according to... some astrology dude or something like that:

2013 is nothing short of stellar for you, Pisces. By summer, you're ready for the grand water-trine influence as Saturn, Jupiter and Neptune all flow together in Water signs to make magic. Your powers of psychic perception and healing have never been stronger. Your ability to create glamour, weave fantastical illusion and provide invisible-but-potent healing to others is beyond measure. Others will feel inextricably drawn to you without understanding why. This is excellent for your star potential as others sense something extraordinary and sublime in your presence. People want to have you around as much as possible even without fully comprehending why. The best part is that people are willing to pay big bucks for whatever it is you have to offer and no matter how intangible it may seem. For once, you won't feel like the oddball, freak or the perpetually misunderstood alien in the crowd but rather the mysterious-yet-sought-after special someone that others cannot resist. It's all part of your otherworldly glamour and mystique. Work it, Pisces! (No idea about this, but that would be dope. The bold is what I find to be true, obviously)

Let love rule in 2013, Pisces. Born under the sign of compassion, you live for the exchange of true heartfelt energy. Romance for you extends far beyond just the coupling relationships of dating and mating. You're often in love with your entire social circle, not to mention animals, plants and even some beautiful seemingly inanimate objects. (but not like that lady who "married" the Eiffel Tower...) All is alive and endowed with feeling in the life of empathic Pisces. There's a reason you're called the 'bleeding heart of the zodiac'. You tend to fall in love with those you need to help, educate or save in some way. In 2013, you're adding the requirement of long-term stability to the mix. Your standards for a serious partner are more rooted in loyalty and consistency than ever before. You want staying power, which means giving up the unobtainable relationship pattern. The part of you that's drawn to the projected ideal of a person is being replaced with a serious reality check, compliments of Saturn in Scorpio (NO MAAAAAMES! How the FUCK did you know that?!). Intimacy is now what you crave, and that requires stability, reliability and trust. Such character traits need to be shown to you in the real world from now on. No longer will you fall in love with someone's potential. You've been burned too many times trying to play the role of the wounded healer, Pisces. (BOOM! Left me speechless. ... the fuck is up with that?! P.S. I don't "crave" intimacy. Intimacy can go suck a dick)

The powerful eclipse points only intensify your desire for a solid mate (NEGATIVE!). You also find that you're more drawn to someone incredibly grounded if not bordering on earthy, someone real and sensual instead of fleeting and elusive (well, that DOES sound interesting. "Someone sensual"... hahahaha!). You want more tangible proof of your partner's affections instead of allowing yourself to get lost in love for the sake of love. You realize that you have to relate with your mind and the instincts of your body just as much as your heart. Letting your overly tolerant and permissive heart make all of the decisions has only proven detrimental in the past. Employing more discrimination and higher standards can only serve you well in the elimination process. Your friends and family will be thrilled instead of having to counsel you off the ledge of yet another self-sabotaging relationship where you give everything and receive little to nothing (sorry about that, guys...). 2013 is all about radical transformation and self-empowerment -- especially in intimate relationships. Rock on, gold dust woman! (Money... fucking money here. DAMN IT, creepy astrology!)

Success in your career endeavors is contingent upon the amount of energy you're willing to put into expanding your current sphere of expertise. You can sense that it's time to widen your professional horizons, Pisces. When you're fully able to access the power of your imagination, there's no limit to what you can do (ya heard?). 2013 brings plenty of potential for enhancing your current skill set. The eclipse patterns impact both your higher and lower mind, giving you a profound opportunity to tap into your deep well of wisdom. Your work is important to the world, and you're finally starting to realize that you have knowledge to share. No more playing invisible, Pisces. It's selfish not to share your gifts. (My bad...)

Neptune continues to shower your world with glamour. If you're not in high art, fashion, dance, spirituality, healing or anything that involves your imagination, you're probably not feeling fulfilled or even close to living up to your true potential. This is the year to pull everything into alignment. The beauty of being born under the constellation of Pisces is that you're endowed with infinite gifts all seeded in the depths of your imagination. All you have to do is create enough structure and discipline not to float into a dream world that never takes form in the physical universe (Well, I'll be fucking damned if that's not fucking on the money!). Once you start to materialize your vision, you're golden. This is what 2013 is all about for you, Pisces.

Scary.

But like... true.

"Gold Dust Woman"... I might like that one more than... I think it was "Enraged Shark"... 

Nah, I'll always choose "Enraged Shark." Suits me better.