Saturday, August 18, 2007

Medicinal, my ass!

I've mentioned many times on here that I'm quite the gullible imbecile.
Here's another example why:

My godson, this wonderful kid: (That day in Mexico was pretty fun... even if I only ate a chicken taco... God, I hate eating)
He's quite the example of good breeding.
Back in elementary and middle school, he was the top student not only of his school and district, but of the entire state he lives in (Durango, in Mexico). Once high school came around the corner, he became more interested in the ladies... and while his grades haven't slipped, he isn't THE smartest kid in his grade (he's friends with this one boy who won some sort of national math competition).

Well, I know this little fact of his smarts not diminishing, per se, just... lessening... but still, whenever he tells me something relating to nature i.e. everything on roosters (his dad's quite popular when it comes to rooster breeding. He has international fame-- I say that because he's known of in the Philippines, haha), snake breeding season (usually the time I'm down in Mexico... stupid ugly ass scary snakes), or the healing powers of plants, I'll believe him wholeheartedly.
The latter I want to dive into a little deeper.

During the first week and a half of August, I hung out with this one girl that's from Cabo San Lucas and was down visiting my little Mexican town because her best friend is from there (the singing sensation I've mentioned once or twice in here). This girl was very, very cool. She cracked me up because she was terribly outgoing... and did crazy shit to amuse us all.

Well, this girl had this huge wart on her left index finger that was the first thing you noticed if she ever made a fist because it's on the right side of the finger.
We all know how fond I am of warts... but this girl, knowing full well the wart was something not very attractive to me (but it wasn't like I stared at the thing either... I didn't even acknowledge it)... made a joke out of it. I mean... I never met anyone that made me laugh because of the way they treated their wart, but she sure changed that.

So this chick, as fond as she may have been of her wart, was also looking for a way to get rid of it.
That's where my godson comes into play.

Godson:
Oh! Have you heard of ciricua? It gets rid of warts and also heals deep cuts without hurting any other part of the skin.
Cabo Girl: Really? I wanna try it! You guys have some really weird healing tricks I'm stoked to try out!
Godson: It's this leaf that burns the wart off.
Cabo Girl: Burns?... OK, I'll do it anyway.
Godson: Don't get freaked out when you see what it does to your skin...
Cabo Girl: O...K. When are we doing this?
Godson: I have to go out and look for it in the sierra... so maybe... in two days?
Me: I wanna do it!
Cabo Girl: You have a wart?
Me: Not really... but I wanna see if it fixes two of my fingers!
Godson: Don't worry Madrina (godmother), I'll get you some too.


So it was settled.
However, my godson managed to find the plant when it was too late for Cabo Girl. She left last Thursday from Mexico, and it was last Saturday when my godson found and brought me the plant.
He came over to the house, two of his fingers wrapped with bandaides, and showed me the leaves. He asked to see where I wanted to place them... and seeing as how the areas were small (my right thumb and my left ring finger), he said he'd do it before we started watching "Pan's Labyrinth" and take it off once it was over... to make it two hours that I'd have the plant on my finger.
He smashed the leaf on my fingers, made me get him two bandaids to cover the leaf as it rested on my finger, made me wet the finger to get the area a little humid... and smashed the bandaid with his nail to make the plant secrete more juice.
He then told me I was going to feel it burning me as time went on, but to not mind it.

Ok... so the first hour it was alright... I was expecting to feel the flames of hell or some shit, since I noticed my godson was scratching like crazy the place where he had the leaves placed.
Instead, I felt an occasional tingling going on in my thumb, but nothing on the ring finger.

Then I saw what my fingers were going to look like... why? Because my godson removed his bandaides and washed off his fingers.

They were black.

Godson: Yeah... your fingers are going to be stained black wherever the leaves touched... but don't worry... nothing bad happens to your healthy skin... just the wart.
Me: What the hell?! You mean I'm going to have to walk around with black fingers? I have church tomorrow! And how long does this damn shit last?!
Godson: I don't know... my mom didn't tell me that.
Me: Shit... there's a lot of shit your mom doesn't tell you.


Even after that exchange, and against my better judgement... I left the damn bandaides on for another hour.
By the time I was washing off the leaf juice, I was burning like a motherfucker and my fingers were super black... and not to mention getting blistered! (Photo taken about three hours after removing the bandaides. You can't really notice it, but my nail was starting to turn purple/yellow)

Regardless of the unsightliness, I thanked my godson... and believed every word he said.
Godson: The wart's just going to fall off... like... crumble.
Me: Wow... amazing. Mexican medicinal plants are the shit!


Well, ladies and gentlemen... they're not!!!
It's been a fucking week, exactly... and my fingers are still black... my thumb still has a blister the size of... an extra thumb... and nothing has "crumbled" off.
That Sunday I found out you were only supposed to leave the leaves on for 15 minutes.
I had it on for two hours!
(Photo taken as Godson and I looked outside the Internet Cafe window while we waited our turn for an open computer. Hand to the right is mine, the one with the fucked up middle finger is my godson's hand)
I've had to carry on this past week like some damn... black plague carrier... or frostbite victim... constantly putting on bandaides if coming into contact with another human is required that day in order to hide the unsightliness of my fingers.

The worst was on Thursday, while I was making the trip back to the U.S. My thumb swelled to its biggest level that day. I went as far as putting on a bandaid five minutes before crossing the border... out of fear that the border patrol officers would become suspicious of my condition and not allow me entrance to my own country until a certain amount of days in quarantine... and I have school to attend Monday... so fuck that shit.
In order to go to church today, I had to place bandaides on both fingers so people wouldn't be frightened to shake or hold my hand.

Ah, my godson... such a sweet kid... but he fucked his godmother up good (I feel the liquid in my blister shake whenever I move my thumb around... it's so damn gross and painful. Stupid Ciricua plant).
(picture taken today, like... right now)

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