............
.....................
............................
I'm not mad.
I'm not upset.
I'm just... disappointed.
Signs the day wasn't going according to plan?
1) I (along with 3 other bridesmaids that were in the same car) was the last girl to get to church.
2) I broke a sweat jogging to the back of the line of 25 couples, yes, 25!
3) I was the tallest girl there.
4) I was the only girl there with a baggy dress...
5) Walking down the aisle, close to the front of the church, I tripped... BIG time (the heel of my shoe got stuck on the back of my dress, since the dress was still too long)... if it weren't for my partner (I'll get to that later) gripping on to me with a death grip, I would have fallen flat on my ass (the crowd did gasp, though. I'm such a thrill seeker!).
6) Along with almost tripping, I simultaneously almost flashed the congregation... including the priest, who was not too happy with me.
7) Half-way through mass, I realized my skirt was stuck... well... in there... yes... I had... I was... they saw... my God...
8) I spent the rest of mass picking my crack each time I stood up... that, and I'd also tug my top up... because I'm paranoid like that.
9) My male arch-enemy was paired-up directly ahead of me. He'd constantly turn around to stare (he sort of has always had a thing for me. I on the other hand, never have. I didn't hold anything against him, though, until one day, I heard him say something very derogatory about me. I was 14, had a fragile self-image... and this made me cry for months. Needless to say, I have been plotting revenge against him ever since)... and I'd take the time to glare right back... with my best scowl... with the excuse that the sun was in my eyes... yes, even once we were inside the Circus-Circus hotel.
10) There were more cowboy hats in the crowd than at the PBR National Finals Rodeo.
11) My partner left me for a good three minutes during one of the dances... I just stood there like a dickhead looking for him....
12) They served HALF A CHICKEN on each plate. HALF A CHICKEN!! WTF? I almost fought a little girl for her plate of chicken fingers. (This is not my friend's fault, though. It's her stupid husband and father-in-law. They ordered incorrectly. I told her later on that had that been my case, I would have called him a fucking idiot, then called the wedding off. Fuck that shit--yeah, I know, and I wonder why I'm still single)
13) They ran out of cake!!
14) They never filled the glasses! I was so thirsty, I could have drank my own piss (so instead, I just left)
and the top sign this day was CRAP:
15) As I'm dancing the "Dollar dance" with the groom, the only thing he keeps saying is:
"I'm SO SORRY! He's just... so fucking retarded. No, I swear, he's a retard... I'M SO SORRY! He's just retarded. I had to put him in... even though he's retarded. Please don't feel bad!"
Yeah...
Seriously, my partner was mentally handicapped... and not the nice, "Aww... well, I still want to help you out!" type, but the crazy, "Oh my God, why are you wishing death upon your own cousin?" scary type.
Ok... now I can go to bed and fucking cry my eyes out (why do they always do that to me? ::ok, I'm crying now. God, I didn't know I felt so strongly about this:: I'm the one who gets the dude NOBODY wants. I'm the fucking giant who almost burst into flames each time she sees a fucking midget half my age with a guy perfect in stature and build for me. WHY?! Do I appear to be that super nice that I wouldn't say shit? Well, yeah, you're right, I don't. I suck it up and smile and try to make my partner feel like less of an outcast... wouldn't anybody else?! Why must I always be the one put in that predicament? That is NOT cool. Not cool at all, but then again, I think maybe that happens so often because I'm the girl nobody wants. I'm the ugly one amongst the pretty, petite girls... who usually gets asked because it'd be considered mean not to... because they ask for my sister since she's a pretty girl--although there has been one, a first cousin actually, who asked for both my siblings and left me out because I wasn't "hot enough." I heard that out of his own mouth. He then went about telling everyone I had said I didn't want to be in the wedding... which was pure bullshit. Ok, I'll stop talking now, I hate sharing this type of shit here).
I gotta be ready for when those damn pictures get posted all over the fucking internet, so I can appear cool and calm about the whole thing.
You guys have no idea how badly I wanted to strangle myself with my shawl. That shit sucked.
1 comment:
=-(
Post a Comment