Boys rock! Until...

Let's just run with this jotted, continuous train of though of mine.
(Is that even what it is? Whatever, I don't want to look up the actual definition for what it is that I am doing)

Ok, so I've established that I have a ton of guy friends.
I love this, yes. I agree with those people who say guy friends are "SO much less drama!" and they're a ton of fun... I mean this in the least sexual way, obviously (that's a totally different can of worms I refuse to open just yet... possibly EVER). But seriously, guys are genuinely fun. I can talk about the nastiest shit, or see the nastiest shit, and they'll be right there with me, laughing and gagging alongside yours truly. I can get dirty, sweaty, and/or injured with them and, oddly enough, not seem to mind (ok, maybe if I get injured a little too seriously I'll cry a little) I'll probably even look forward to the next time I get to repeat it.
There's just ONE little problem:
My guy friends get girlfriends and immediately lose their balls.

Well, it's not really like that, but sort of.
Nine out of ten times, my guy friends become weird zombie-esque, chameleons whose sole purpose in life becomes emulating their girl (just cut your fucking balls off and carve yourself a vagina, dick!) and making her happy .
Apparently, NOT chillin' with me is part of "making her happy."
Ridiculous stipulation... as if I sleep around... or even touch their private parts.

What hurts the most is that the guys I tend to be closest to are the ones who cut me off cold turkey.
Clear example, this one dude I went as far as call my "brother." He befriended me because he was BFFs with my sister. He has the quickest with EVER, that even people who didn't know him but were MY friends on facebook would look forward to his comments on my page. He was becoming a damn celebrity on my page.
Come November, he finds himself a girlfriend.
Suddenly, neither my sister nor I exist to him. I comment him, I write him... my sister calls him and texts him... and NOTHING. As if we're non-existent.
This HURTS me. I understand ignoring me when I DO something, but out of the blue? Because you finally have a girl willing to blow you at a stop light and a little girl you've now adopted as your own? Man up and treat me like the goddamn sister you once claimed me to be, asshole.

So I say:
DUDES, WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm now invisible because I have a vagina?! Get fucking real! You were my friend... I never touched your face (if I touch your face, let it be known, I have it BAAAD for you. AnoMALIE + intentional, somewhat-intimate physical contact = SPRUUUUNG!), I never stared into your eyes "lovingly," and I watched that infamous video of two females and one cup with you in the wee hours of the night... in AnoMALIE terms, that means you had NO CHANCE in hell to get in my pants in the first place. Why does that change once you get a girl? It should strengthen the bond, if anything, because now I can talk you up to this new chick of yours.

I can see the poor treatment going towards a "friend" you used to sleep with, even make out with...
but DUDE! We're talking about me... I apologize when my hand accidentally bumps yours... come the fuck on!

Rant over.