Que hombre?

Ok, so I was talking about boys getting girlfriends and becoming lame afterward, right? Ok... I'll... talk about boyfriends (and then work it into a weird tangent, check it).

I first learned the beauty of relationships with the opposite sex in... kindergarten.
No lie, I was crushing on boys since before kinder (I once asked Mom to "buy" me this one Latin singer when, at the age of 4, I saw him on television. To this day, when his decrepit little body appears on Univision, my mom refers to him as "your purchase." ew), however, once it was kinder time, I was flirting with bowl-hair-cutted boys in no time.
First crush's name? Amadeus.
No fucking lie (might explain my future love with the violin ??).
He never dug me, though, since he was of the "girls have cooties" type (lame ass).
I had to wait until first grade to get a "real" boyfriend. This kid I'm still in contact with, and also doesn't let me live my mistake down.
1stBF: Yo, AnoMALIE, I told *dude* about us kissing in 1st grade and all that. I told him I was cool with you two dating."
Me: WTF dude? WHY? That was AGES ago! I was 6! Cool to date me... get the fuck out of here!

Then came second grade. 1stBF went to English class, I remained in Spanish class. I wasn't going to sit in class and NOT accept my male classmates' signs of affection.
There was another issue: I showed up to class two months after school had started. I had moved to Mexico with plans to stay there for good, but Mom was like "Fuck me if I keep my kids in this shithole!" and she brought us back to Vegas and signed us back up in the same school.
I had the problem of having to make friends (and we all know how successful I was at that task during my elementary school days)... and guess who I resorted to? Yes... the boys.
The cutest boy in class was the first to ask me out... and apparently, dumped his girlfriend a minute prior to asking me out during recess.
This girl, his now-ex-girl, held on to the grudge for the rest of the year... then the rest of elementary school... then the rest of middle school.
She'd sing songs to me... mean ones. "Ese homre es mio!" etc. I'd just stare at her.
Girl... it's 1997, get over it!

Fast forward to today:
I get a weirdo friend request on Facebook. I check out who it is...
lo and behold... it's Jilted Ex Girlfriend of 2nd Grade Boyfriend.
First thing she asks: "So, are you married?" Homie... whaaat? Hell no! Is that the vibe I gave that last day of 8th grade when I last saw you?
For a minute I was scared she'd want to find me and come sing more vicious love songs in my face, but lucky for me, she now lives in Mexico and has no passport... so I'm good.


Facebook... that shit... boy do I have a future story on that subject.

**UPDATE**
Oh for fucks sake!!!! JiltedExGFof2ndGradeBF came on to me. What. The. Fuck. ? I'm just going to write "I love cock" all over my Facebook. Enough is enough, man.