Friday, February 28, 2014

Give only to take away

I've dreamt of Tyson for the last week or so.
Impossible not to get weepy about it... especially after the week mark. It really sucks to continually feel so happy in A DREAM only to wake up to an empty house, no Tyson to be found... just me in complete silence, sitting at the kitchen table at eight in the morning, alone.
Of course, I cheer up as the day continues, but each morning, I can't help but feel an awful sense of melancholy.

Let's not get things twisted, I DO enjoy solitude and silence; I get all crazy when not given the adequate peace and quiet. It just feels like a slap to my face to-- night after night-- remember the one little creature that I allowed to keep me company, the little dude I loved with all of my heart and who actually loved me back... to remember that happiness, and then wake up to such stark contrast, MY reality-- he's dead, I'm alone. Kinda makes handling shit, this dealing business, difficult.

I go to bed each night and never fail to say, out loud, as though he will hear me "I miss you..."

Tomorrow would have marked 13 years of my little dude being in my life... so this whole emotional shit is a little heavy.
I promise I'm still a happy girl... it's just some days are harder than others.

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