Wednesday, September 24, 2014

ChicAhhhh here I go again.

So, I'm in Chicago, paying my sister a week-long visit.
Luckily, I'll actually spend the weekend in D.C., celebrating my brother's birthday/farewell party since he heads out to Athens on Monday. Well, I'm bringing my sister with me, so it won't just be me (I say I'm bringing her with me because I paid for her ticket).

I'm a mess.
I got in last night, after a much delayed flight. I was hungry as fuck after not having a single bite to eat in over nine hours. My life sucks after having gone on this "fitness journey." Back in my fucked-up-diet days, I was able to starve myself for days without batting an eye. Nowadays, I'll be ready to stab a bitch if I go longer than four hours without a meal.
Anyway, since it was nearing 10PM when I was finally in my sister's car, we decided to just eat whatever she had at home... since everything closes at 10 in this very fucking stupid city.
We get home. I have to be civil with my sister's roommates, introduce myself and all that hoopla... the entire time trying to keep my intestines from being cunts and growling too loud.
Finally, I eat some old chicken, rice, and asparagus.
Then I meet the house cat. And she loves me. And she's weird... she's a fucking cat. And she feels most attracted to me while I'm trying to shove the fork in my mouth. Cats...
Then we finally go to bed... where Sister and I chat for three hours about everything going on in Vegas. We remember some funny shit... and proceed to have a crazy giggle-attack for about half an hour.
Then I found myself crying in the morning. I was sad as fuck. Those mean, critical voices creeped up on me. I also felt sad looking around my sister's living quarters.
You left us to live... like this?
I was upset at both of us.
Upset at myself for refusing to "grow up" but also pissed at my sister for leaving the very comfortable lifestyle my parents give us, all to live in a shitty ugly city full of mean, inconsiderate folk. Then thinking about how successful my brother is... and then I cry because GOD! I miss that motherfucker and I'm going to miss him even more once he's in Greece.
Then I think of how many more people I'm going to have to introduce myself to in the incoming days and I cry some fucking more.
God damn you, social anxiety. DAMN. YOU.

It's weird... and I'll be the first to admit I'm confused by it all.

I'm not PMSing... I think I'm just tired and hungry... so I'm all fucking emotional and dumb right now. That fucking cat isn't helping.

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