Monday, September 15, 2014

Spousal bullllshit

Reading over yesterday's post, I realized I was still incoherent as ever. My times were all over the place, as were my thoughts. Comical to me, of course, because I honestly thought I was good to go by the time I updated... then I did random shit sleep deprived people tend to do... like spill milk all over their leg because they miscalculated the position of their mouth in relation to their face... or just dropping down to sleep in the middle of the hallway at 10pm-- no pillow or sheets, just the cold, hard ground and my body splayed all over it like an unclaimed carcass for ten hours.

I'm the faithful co-pilot. No, I'm not trusted to do the driving, but fuck me if I fall asleep on the driver. I'll sit there for the 20whatever hours of the drive, talking to you, singing to you, listening to you, feeding you, staring at you and poking you the moment your "blinking" slows down to a "shut eye"... that sort of shit. I'll be fucking damned if I let your ass fall asleep at the wheel, killing us all when you run us off a cliff or onto a semi-truck.
The drivers can alternate, yet my position as the co-pilot is constant. The tired driver will give up his or her post at the wheel, go to the back of the truck and fall asleep, while the fresh driver takes the wheel and start talking to me... and me? I don't get relieved of my duties until "home" is reached. So there I am, like a zombie, saying and doing weird shit until my body finally caves and I pass out.

My eyes are still blood shot and my left side hurts like a bitch. I think I leaned on that side of my body for too long, and my ribcage hurt my soft tissue. My voice is also busted... weak as fuck, my vocal chords hurt when I have to utter anything... as if I attended a music festival and screamed over the crowd and music for days.

I'm getting too old for these road-trips, I now take longer to recover.
Or maybe I'm just this fucked up because I was so fucking irritated by my road companions.
No, I'm not complaining about my parents for once... thought I WAS frustrated as FUCK by my dad's incessant religious talk (all that talk about the rapture... GOOD GOD! I had never heard so much about that fucking event as I did on this trip... It was like having my television freeze on the History channel), but what most irritated me was my dad's buddy. We had my dad's friend and his wife traveling with us. We gave them a lift from Hometown to El Paso because we feel eternally indebted to them because they were the ones who housed my sister when she moved out to Chicago. No family agreed to keep my sister, but the moment my dad asked
(ohhhhp! I just fainted... yep, still not ok)
oh, yeah, back to what I was talking about: dad asked the guy and he immediately offered his house, for as long as D needed to get on her feet.
We treat others as we'd like to be treated, so when someone does us a favor, especially one THAT big, we repay them as best as we can... so... we offered to bring them to the border, where the guy's siblings live.
Well... I don't want to sound like a cunt, but this guy ABUSED our kindness.
What bugged me most was his... patronizing way. His... superiority complex. No, he didn't patronize me, quite the contrary, he coddled the shit out of me, especially after I puked all over myself. However, the way he treated his wife hurt me to my core. It broke my heart. It infuriated me. The way she would look at him when he'd speak to her... the way she'd agree with him when he'd berate her... it made me want to cry... or at least punch him in the mouth with a brick.
This guy is a dandy. His speech is eloquent and well paced. However, the way his eyes burn holes through his wife terrified me. There is so much hatred in his eyes when he addresses his wife, it seems the fool is possessed by satan himself. It was SCARY.
Mom and I would try to correct him at first, defended his wife, but she'd get so upset, and tell us to leave it alone... we just... listened to her. It was like getting punched in the gut.
I stopped protesting after seeing the lady get WORSE with my scoffing at her husband... I had to settle for scowling at him anytime he'd open his mouth... or I'd catch him glaring at his wife.
Well, maybe she deserves this treatment. What must she have done to him to get this reaction from him, even in public? You may say... but, dude, this woman is a sweet human being. It is obvious she has dealt with verbal abuse for decades... possibly even physical abuse. The man's a fucking misogynist who thinks women are the scum of the earth, and only useful for procreational purposes... I swear he's more sexually attracted to men... but probably never acted on that because it would be seen as a bad thing in the society he was raised in... and maybe that's what has made him harbor so much fucking resentment. Because his behavior towards his wife is not normal. My folks have been arguing quite aggressively lately, but their behavior pales in comparison to what I witnessed between this married couple.

So yeah, having to listen to this man and see him behave like a complete savage for 12 hours drained the fuck out of me.
He knew he had us in the palm of his hand... that we HAD to do whatever he wanted, because he did us that giant, very personal favor when no one else would.
Stop here, eat here, go here, get that, stay here, eat that... it was so fucking exhausting.

Over the years, my aversion for any type of commitment has increased. This latest interaction with a married couple has only solidified my resolve to NEVER get married. FUCK. THAT. SHIT.
(Maybe I'm still fucked up and this was all incoherent as fuck. Whatever)

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