Dear Mr. 50-Something-year-old Married Man in church today:
Thank you sir, for squeezing my hand while praying the "Our Father," today. It was enough with you flaunting your Air-Force-Ones at me, and I was even cool with you lifting your left leg onto the... that little cushion we kneel on. I was cool with that, I understand sometimes the little homies need a little venting when smothered by white polyester pants a size too small. But the squeezing of the hand, well, that was just over the top, Married Man. I was honored by the fact that you were cool with holding my hand rather than letting it float in the air as if it has leprosy... like the case is when I sit next to attractive, young, single males ("Mom, you suck for making me hold this girl's hand!").
But guy... you squeezed my hand for the duration of the prayer... which seemed longer than usual... and you increased the pressure of the squeeze in steady increments until the time came when I felt like I owed you at least three of the seven digits in my phone number. Not cool, guy.
-AnoMALIE.
Why in the hell is it always the old men that gather around me... and they're the only ones to "caress" my hand for that part of mass?
I'm going to make a shirt that says: Favor de no tocar... de ninguna forma... ni aun al frente de "el señor," Gracias.
Hmm... or maybe I should just do the normal thing and start going to English mass... where guys aren't as prone to being pervs... right?
Just wishful thinking
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