Saturday, March 17, 2007

Wanna make me angry? Well, just pinch me.

It's crazy how some days I wake up to an empty house and have no fucking clue where the hell everyone is.
Crazy.

Anyway, I'm only writing today because someone reminded me it was St. Patrick's Day (it's not like Google's discrete about it, either).


I felt relief because this year it landed on a weekend... so I'm not forced to wear green.
I know that by this age, no one should really ever pinch me without my consent... but I remember getting so many back in the grade school days, that while I'm a peaceful person, this day I'd usually get in some sort of confrontation.
It's not that I can't afford clothes... I've just never really liked green. It isn't until recently that I've noticed green to be a lovely color ("Oh! Green's the color of the mountains... well, not Vegas mountains") and now own about 5 green shirts.

There are two stories that really pop into my head when St. Patrick's day is mentioned.
One:
1992: Getting into the school bus and my really cool bus driver, Kenny, wasn't wearing green. The poor guy got pinched by every kid that came in the bus. After I took my turn, he said "Now honey... be a sweetie and get me one of those leaves on the tree over there." I did as I was told... sort of fearing he was going to close the door on me once I stepped outside the bus and leave me stranded.

Damn it, why did I pinch him? I'm not Irish... it's none of my business to pinch people.


Once I returned, he pinned the leaf to his shirt, and thanked me.
"No one else is pinching me today."
The same trick worked for me until 4th grade, when I bumped into some assholes... but each time I see the kind of bushes I picked the leaf from, I think about that sweetheart bus driver... and feel bad for pinching him (granted, I was 7 at the time and my pinch couldn't have sucked as bad as those the 5th graders gave him).
Two:
1998: I was late for Algebra... again... and I was cursing the day school thought it'd be a good idea to make my 7th grade math class the first class of the day.
I woke up late and put on some blue clothes (my favorite color at the time) that were easily available. I hadn't forgotten it was St. Paddy's day, but I didn't own green clothes. I did have green shamrock earrings, but since I thought it'd look stupid with my blue clothes, I pinned them to my shirt... like a brooch.

It's not like I'll get pinched, everyone at school's a Mexican... and we're all grown out of the pinching phase


So, as I was powerwalking to class (because I wasn't desperate enough to run down my middle school halls for stupid Algebra class at the age of 13 ) I bumped into 3 "cholas" that were strolling along, I guess ditching class. I still remember what they looked like, particularly the shortest one. I don't remember her name, because she was an 8th grader, but I remember everything else. She was up to my shoulder, she had her hair picked up in a bun, she had huge hoop earrings, and her make-up was all "Angela from Dangerous Minds."
While I walked past her, I remember she reached over and pinched the hell out of my right arm.
"You're not wearing green."
I remember pondering whether or not to stop and punch the midget, only to opt for picking up the pace and screaming:
"Fuck you! You're not wearing green either, pendeja!"
Her buddies "OOooO!"ed.
The girl turned around and screamed
"What you say, puta?!"
I turned around, flicked them off, screamed
"Fuck you, I'm wearing green... you fucking blind ass idiot,"
then ran like hell to class. I could have taken on the short bitch, but her two friends would have kicked my ass.
I only got mouthy because my class was a couple of yards away from where the incident took place... plus, I've never been so angry.

Damn... my arm hurts... fucking Irish people...


I opened the door to class like a madwoman, panting, as my elderly teacher was going over... something about fractions. I was massaging my arm as I walked to my seat, clear across the room, only to have the teacher say:

"Glad you could join us, AnoMALIE. Now, can you please help solve homework question number 5?"

What a way to start off the day.

No comments: