Twin Boy's Redemption

There are days I wonder why the hell I'm friends with certain people... but then they do something that cracks me up and I remember.

This guy irritates me often... he brags more than anyone else I know (the one who was bragging about going to... I think it was Jamaica, for Spring Break), and he's pretty cocky because he's a twin (I've never understood why twins are usually conceited little pricks). We go way back, so I bite my tongue regardless of how mad he makes me sometimes (because I do have fond memories with that idiot. I even look back to how we first met as kids with a bit of yearning. I was 8, he was 9... Dad took me to twinboy's house because he had to talk to the twins Dad. I was standing in the backyard, because Dad sent me to go look for "the two boys that are your age" so I wouldn't listen to adult conversation. Next thing I know, two identical looking kids pop from each side of the house and proceed to spray the shit out of me with Super Soaker water guns. Fucked up for me... but I guess it must have been very funny to watch if you were anyone else. I know this because I've never seen Dad laugh so hard... although he later had to get the twins Dad to get a blow dryer to dry me off with because Mom would have assassinated Dad had she seen me come home soaking wet).
Well, he sent me this today, and he had me laughing for a while:

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man who's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he's gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man, who'll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.