Baby fever

Apparently, today was "Rag on AnoMALIE" day.

I started the day off by attending this damn baby shower I had been dreading for the last two weeks.
(No, I lie. I started it by watching the soccer match between Germany and Uruguay. For a second there, I thought Paul had gotten his shit wrong... but no, Germany pulled through. That little guy... the octopus, I need to find a live one in order to follow through with my word. If Spain wins tomorrow, at one point in my life, for at least a day, I will own a pet octopus)
On my way to this party, I went through a fucking rain storm. I kid you not. It was a freak show.
It was bright and sunny outside, and the only clouds I could see were cute white clouds (I'm so sad that the scientific name escapes me. I spent a good couple of days learning those stupid names back in college). At first a couple of drops hit my car, and suddenly, it was a fucking torrential downpour.
In my rush to get in the house without fucking up my gift (I had already fucked up the wrapping, of course. I thought I had been such a pro wrapping the damn thing only to be proven wrong. I ignored the top and bottom of the box. Stupid gift-wrap wasn't big enough. I "fixed" it by placing the bottom part on the floor, and the top I covered with a huge bow. My resourcefulness astonishes me sometimes... I'm so fucking ghetto) I managed to give myself a massive paper-cut on-- where else-- my middle finger.
I was an hour early to the shindig, because I had to be somewhere else at the time of the party.
The BabyMomma was quite excited to see me, and she paraded me around, in front of her family.
She then proceeded to call all her high school friends to inform them I had arrived...
I only know ONE of her friends, since I only went to her high school my first two years of HS, and I was her friend my sophomore year.

"Oh my God! Guess who's here! AnneOMELIE. You know! AnneOMELIE!!"

Umm... my name's AnoMALIE... and I don't know this chick you're talking to.
We then continued to talk, something I thought was one-on-one, but of course, her family would gasp or laugh whenever I said something... and it quickly turned into a grilling session.
Are you married?

Hell NO.

Have a boyfriend?

Nah.

Are you dating?

Nope.

Have any kids?

NEVER.

WHY NOT?!

Too much going on right now... I LOVE my freedom.

WHEN then?

I don't know.

WHYYYY?!

Umm, Because... ?

Girl, I don't know, and I DON'T CARE!!
When she finally left me alone for a minute (to eat some of the strangest Filipino food... I stood there wondering where the hell I could find the Pho), her baby nephew came to harass me.
Yes, a 16-month old was harassing me.
Ok, so he was just wanting me to feed him, hold him, play with him, and caress his little head... but still... I was eating. You don't do that to a bear, what makes you think you can do it to a human? (I KID!! I'm being sarcastic. Oh God, I hope people don't read this and think I'm a monster)
I could have been a cunt and ignored him, maybe even pushed him out of my way... but no, I fed him whatever he wanted off my plate... and I fought with him (freakishly strong baby. He ripped a paper plate right out of my hands)... and by the end of it, I was holding him and petting his little head.
Stupid babies.

After half an hour, I excused myself and headed home.
I took a quick hour-long nap, and continued with my day.

Round two of grilling-ragging on me continued then.
I visited my cousin C, whose wedding I agreed to be a bridesmaid in, and things got uncomfortable once my aunts arrived.
Sis: Oh! I heard D is looking for places to get married!
Aunt: Yes. Things are so confusing.
Sis: I'm going to cry once she gets married. We're practically twins!
Aunt2: It's just you two left now (sister and I).
Me: And it's gonna stay that way for a while... F that.
C: Well, you don't want to get married too old.
Sis: Well, as long as Mel doesn't get married any time soon... maybe in ten years.
Mel: Me at 29?
C: THAT'S TOO OLD! 27 is cutting it close. I'm glad I'm still going to be 24 when I get married.
Aunt: And you better step on it when it comes to having babies.
C: No, I'm waiting two more years for that.
Aunt2: THAT'S TOO OLD! 25 IS TOO OLD!

WTF, GUYS?! I'm RIGHT HERE!!

I can only imagine how bad this shit is going to get come October... then April.
Too old... PSHHHHHHH!
Screw babies, screw marriage, screw responsibilities... you know what I LOVE?! Being able to go out for as long as I want, WHERE ever I want, with WHO ever I want... and as MANY TIMES as I want.

... try to make me feel bad... pshhhh.
Mexicans.